Post # 1
I’m wondering if I’m over-reacting. I was talking to my co-MOH, and she asked me if I was inviting a couple of male friends that we have in common. One of them yes, one of them no. She said, okay, I’m looking for back up dates and so I guess I can ask the second. At the time I said something about whether he might feel bad not being invited, but didn’t really pry. But the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.
First, I kind of feel weird that she’s "looking for back up dates". She’s going to know tons of people at the wedding. And I’ve already talked to her about how I’d like for us to share a room and have a girls’ slumber party for the couple of nights before the wedding…which she was on-board with. I guess whenever I’ve been a BM I’ve always felt like I was there for the bride, so until I was with my FH and we were pretty serious I didn’t bring random dates. If she were in a relationship (or is at the time), that’s obviously totally different. But she’ll be traveling pretty far and I feel like it’s strange that she’ll want to bring a random guest to my wedding when she won’t have that much time for him. Now maybe she’s trying to limit to people we know in common so they won’t feel left out on their own, but I feel really weird that she wants to invite a friend of mine that didn’t make the invite list. It’s not that he and I are no longer friends, it’s just that we aren’t inviting that many of our friends and he and I haven’t been in close touch recently. So I feel pretty weird about this. And I guess I’m also feeling strange that she wants to bring any old date to my wedding…b/c I never would have to hers if I was a single BM. I’d really want to make it about her. Even when my FH comes to weddings that I’m in, I mostly ignore him to be with the bride, and obviously he understands.
Should I just let it go or make let my MOH know how I feel?
Post # 3
I felt a little strange recently when a bridesmaid was talking about who she’d bring as a date (from among our mutual friends). So you’re not alone! However, are any of your bridesmaids in relationships/bringing dates? I think it can be tough for the single girl (if she wants to get married someday) to be supportive as her friends get married, and perhaps it feels a little better to have a date along.
Post # 4
Will you be having a head table? If so, wouldn’t your MOH be sitting with you at the head table the whole night, and not with her date?
We’re on a tight budget with limited seating available at our venue, so my BM’s that are not in a serious relationship will not get a plus one invite. Esp since they won’t even be sitting with their date the whole night and they know tons of other people at the wedding.
I think you should talk to her about it how you feel. I wouldn’t want randome ppl at my wedding either… esp since I’m having to cut some good friends out as it is.
Post # 5
Most of the rest of the BP is family. Both of our older sister’s are married, and of course our BIL’s will be at the wedding. My attendants will be my sister, my BFF, my brother, and a childhood friend. I don’t think she’ll be bringing a date, but my brother will probably invite his GF of 4 years. Though we are doing a family-only head table, and she, the GF, probably won’t sit with us (she’ll have lots of other friends there, though). And I guess I’m feeling like part of the reason I have a small BP is that I really only want it to include people who really matter to me. I understand not wanting to be alone, but there’ll be many people that she knows there…and when she was in a LTR she attended weddings without him (he was really grumpy about having to travel).
The situation with this particular date is even worse, though. He’s engaged (to someone else), or at least he was. And he’s cheated on his FI (or now ex-FI, I have no idea, but I know that at least at some poine he was cheating on her with my MOH) several times. He’s my friend and I’m certainly no saint, but this is a part of him (and her) that I’ve never really respected. And I kind of don’t want it at my wedding. Not that I’m perfect or don’t have flaws, but if there’s any day that I shouldn’t have to be confronted with the worst aspects of my friends shouldn’t it be my wedding, especially when it involves infidelity?
I guess my frustration is not just this, but bigger. She broke up with her BF 1.5 years ago, but is still pretty upset about it. They were never engaged or lived together, but they had talked about it. Still, it was a pretty long time ago (longer than they were together now). When we went dress shopping for me, she acted really weird and was pretty rude to my sister. She called me a few weeks later to apologize and said she’s just upset about missing out on her wedding, and I kind of want to be like, ‘um, you were never actually planning a wedding’. I know that she wants to be married and so I’m trying to be sensitive, but maybe I’m just frustrated b/c I really care about her and I think she’s in a really unhealthy place. And I feel like a lot of her behavior surrounding my wedding is a symptom of it.
Anyway, this has turned into more of a rant than anything else…sorry for the long post. I just don’t know what to do. She’s been one of the most important people in my life for almost 15 years now, but I feel really weird about so many aspects of this really important thing that’s happening to me. This isn’t to say she’s been a terrible MOH, jsut that it’s been pretty weird. And it’s also just hard b/c I’m so worried about her emotional health but after 1.5 years of trying to talk to her about it and encourage her to get counseling I’m not sure what else I can do and still devote the time I need to myself.
Post # 6
I think you should let her know how you feel: that you’re so happy she’s been a supportive MOH, that you are only inviting guests for those in a serious relationship due to constraints, and emphasize the fact that she’ll be sitting with you and your groom and making sure your reception goes off without a hitch. That should be the end of the story since it’s your special day, not hers, and hopefully she can understand that.
I feel your pain, though; one of my two MOH’s has this on-again, off-again boyfriend/whatever guy and I don’t really want him at my wedding, although I’m worried she’ll protest because they have been doing this on-again off-again thing for a few years now and I basically lived with both of them for a summer, so it’s not as though I don’t know the guy. I don’t consider them to be in a serious relationship at all, so I don’t feel like I should have to invite him.
Good luck with your situation…