Post # 1
Okay bees, so my Maid/Matron of Honor is wondering if it’s going to be too much of a heavy role with her wedding occuring a month before mine and said that she should step down. I told her that it really means a lot to me to have her as my Maid/Matron of Honor and that I’d be okay if the only thing that she would have to help plan is the bachelorette party. Any advice out there?
Post # 3
Depending on how big your wedding is, you might really need a good Maid/Matron of Honor. If she thinks she should step down, let her. She’s actually doing you a favor by recognizing what might cause trouble later. Because if you choose a new Maid/Matron of Honor, she could feel like having the old Maid/Matron of Honor still plan the bach party could be construed as stepping on toes.
I would ask her to think of a comfortable way she can participate in your big day (a reading or something) without being your Maid/Matron of Honor. You’ll have your friendship intact and a Maid/Matron of Honor who you can rely on.
Post # 4
I am not of the camp where the Maid/Matron of Honor needs to plan everything and make your wedding her #1 priority. I think that as long as she is there for you on that day, she has fufilled her duties. You chose her for a reason, so don’t feel that you need a new Maid/Matron of Honor just because your weddings are close.
Post # 5
@missapis: I agree with this. It would be great if my Maid/Matron of Honor planned my bachelorette and gave a speech, but I don’t even expect her to do those things if she can’t (and she knows that). She’s my Maid/Matron of Honor because she’s my closest friend.
Post # 6
I think in some ways, she might be the perfect Maid/Matron of Honor, as she has just gone through her own wedding and will either know all the pitfalls or be able to sympathize with why certain details are important.
Many bees complain about their BMs or MOHs not being involved enough or caring enough, but sometimes it just comes down to the fact that these ladies haven’t planned their own wedding – so they don’t have the same perspective as a bride!
As long as she is around for your main events, I think it would be fine.
Post # 7
@missapis: I agree. All of my BMs are in the wedding party because I can’t imagine getting ready on my wedding day and standing up without them there. I have 6 BMs, which everyone says is a lot, but they are all close (and we have no Maid/Matron of Honor since I couldn’t pick just one!). I honestly don’t expect them to throw me a bridal shower or bachelorette party at all. I know that stuff can be a lot of planning and expensive, but I’d rather have each one of them with me on the big day than have them step down for not planning, personally.
I think that as long as your Maid/Matron of Honor is there for you on the wedding day and is prepared (has the dress), she shouldn’t have to do anything else.
Post # 8
Ask yourself what are your true expectations of your Maid/Matron of Honor. Are you more interested in what she can do for you, or is the significance of her standing beside you on one of the biggest days of your life more important? You stated she is also planning her own wedding. Do you think it’s really feasible, in addition to purchasing a dress, shoes, hair, ect, to ask her to plan/pay for a bachelorette party, while she also has her own wedding expenses to consider?
Post # 9
My best friend and I got married 3 weeks apart this summer. I was her Maid/Matron of Honor 3 weeks before my wedding, and she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man (my sister was my MOH) in mine. We made it work, because it was incredibly important to ua that we were part of each other’s wedding day. I think you can definitely make it work!!
Post # 10
My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor. She lives 2,000 miles away, and I know that she will not be a huge amount of help in planning things. That being said, she is my sister, and she’s really important to me. I couldn’t see her not doing it. I think that as long as you communicate expectations ahead of time, you would be fine. Could it also be possible that your Maid/Matron of Honor is nervous about the cost?
Post # 11
the way you phrased your question, it sounds like she may be looking to graciously bow out. what does SHE want to do?
Post # 12
Thank you for all of your input- I agree that I chose her as a close friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor not to have an errand-runner or full-time party planner (and payer). With the ideas of cost, she did mention that it she is concerned with budgeting and I totally get that and am not planning on asking more of her financially than any other Bridesmaid or Best Man (dress, shoes). I think she just wanted to offer stepping down to avoid any disappointment.
Post # 13
My sister and her best friend got married a month apart…my sister was the Maid/Matron of Honor in her friend’s wedding and then a month later, that friend was her bridesmaid. They both had long engagements, so they weren’t too stressed out over their duties for the other…and it worked out well for them 🙂
Post # 14
@Mrs. Meowerson: Agreed… it seems like she wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but isn’t interested in the role of Maid/Matron of Honor. It would be rather stressful to be both a bride and a Maid/Matron of Honor at virtually the same time, even if you are a relaxed bride. I would perhaps choose someone else so as not to make it awkward for her.
Post # 15
Well no one in my bridal party is here with me and won’t be here til probably 2 days before my wedding so besides me sending emails and phone calls im flying solo…so i guess it boils down to what you want her to do