mom a little too involved?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@maxzeen:  you need to remind her that YOU and your FI are paying for the wedding. So she has no say in venue because you are not going to go into debt for a wedding.

Your wedding party should consist of people that are near and dear to you, not because they are HER family. SHe is not the one getting married. You should re-think who is in your wedding party. Do you really want to look back on pictures and regret who was in your wedding party?

You can tell her this nicely, she seems like my mom where if you disagree with her, you are evil lol and she threatens me when she doesn’t get her way. Its like who is the child here?

 

Post # 4
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@maxzeen:  First, you need to have the wedding party YOU want. Tell those new people you are sorry but for budget reasons you’ve decided to change the party.

Second, learn the art of “mmhmm”, “thank you for the suggestion Mom” and/or the art of already securing what YOU want, signing contracts and making purchases and then telling her your final decision.

 

Third, you need to talk to your mother and lether know she is hurting you. Do NOT give in to her emotional blackmail. If she threatens not to come, just say “Im sorry we will miss you that day”. She is doing that because she knows you will give in to her.

My mother did it. My older female family members did it. It came to a point where I planned the wedding on my own. I went to appointments by myself. Do that if you have to.

Or give her something small to do, like look for your guest book or wedding album.

 

Post # 5
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@maxzeen:  If you can, hire a wedding planner or have your FI go with you looking for ideas.

Post # 6
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@maxzeen:  I am going through the same thing and it pisses me off. I have picked out pretty much everything and I get …. “I don’t like that” “That is ugly” ect. and I have learned to follow what LuvMySailor says 🙂 It is way easier even though I still get the remarks afterward

Post # 7
Member
6 posts
Newbee

My mom has been the same way throught my planning process. I want her involved as much as possible but when it came to a decision, she always wanted to keep showing me new ideas and changing what was set in stone.  It ended up coming down to just my FI going to all of our appts alone, saying to people we as a couple wanted to make the decision. It is after all our day.  She has been much more respectful of my decisions since and we are finding other ways to include her so she doesn’t feel left out.  Planning the wedding shower, gift opening day, or including her on a DIY task are ways we have been including different people back into the wedding and it is working wonderfully!

Post # 8
Member
6 posts
Newbee

Do it your way. This is your day! You might have to have a heart to heart with your mom like I am about to… (She is acting up again) … Set her straight and get her on the same page.

Post # 9
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

My mom has also been like this over details. For example, I had decided on doing a buffet with the caterer and spending about $900 but my mother feels like our wedding doesn’t need a buffet and we should go with finger food trays on a table with no seating!

When she went and bought invitations (non-returnable) in the wrong colour we sat down to have a talk about how I am planning this with a vision and she needs to respect that – it apparently only went in one ear and out the other though! 

I’ve figured out a new strategy – only consulting on what I am willing to change. When she starts going on about what should be I just nod and say that I’ll look at the idea. Regardless I will go ahead and either plan/purchase something without announcing it because she’ll of course try to alter my plan. She of course finds out just after the fact when it is too late to have her talk me out of my choices.

They mean well…

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