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So a few of you know I was having a bit of dress regret earlier this week. Basically I was getting tired of being told how tacky I am. Well I made the HUGE mistake of hinting that I may not be as happy with my dress as I originally was anymore. I didn't flat out say I was giving my dress up but more "I really like my dress, but there are so many pretty ones out there its hard not to get distracted."
Well my mom and step sisters took this as a cue to run out and buy me a new one 1) without asking 2) without including me and 3) without even telling me first. Their reasoning was "Well since you got such an awful and tacky dress the first time around we thought you should just let us do it." So basically my judgement isn't good enough to pick my own dress. I'm not intellegent enough to make that kind of a decision.
This is the dress they picked
While it is pretty it is completely not my style, wont fit the drama associated with my theme (steampunk masquerade) and honestly looks awful on me. Empire waists just don't suit my body very well. The dress is very pretty, just not on me.
But its so much better since its not to tacky and didn't come from china according to them...
Oh and to top it all off they let me know that I "can pay them back when I get my next paycheck". So now not only do I have a dress I don't like, that I wasn't even told I was getting, but I have to pay them $450 that I don't have.
This just hurts. I mean I liked my dress. I don't have the money to pay them back. And its just awesome that I'm not smart enough to pick a "good" dress according to my family....
"but I have to pay them $450 that I don't have"
Uhhhh, no you don't. Tell them good luck returning it but that you're not paying a dime for a dress that you don't like and didn't ask for.
What did your other dress look like?
Ugh! What a terrible situation to be placed in. I'm so sorry you're going through this. i would find a way to sit them down (if they live in the same city) and tell them that while you appreciate their thoughtfulness, you don't like the dress they selected and ask them to return it. Perhaps invite them out with you for another dress shopping excursion?
UHHHHHHHH..... I don't know you IRL, but that's not your style AT ALL. Your other dress is seriously beautiful. Why in the world would they buy you a dress without asking? I mean everyone "helps" in different ways, and I can see the thought, but they should have asked you first! The dress is beautiful, but so not you.
Your first dress is perfect for what I know about the theme of your wedding. Tell them to return the second dress. Really? What were they thinking?!
OMG I can't believe this happend to you. I would not be happy! Whatever you decide make sure you are happy. If you don't like the dress...don't wear it! Its your day and you will not get it back. Good luck
That is such BS, they go out without you and buy a dress and then expect you to pay for it? No. Tell them "Thanks but no thanks" and let them try to return it.
Who does this?!?
Uhhh...I really like your original dress. I really do NOT like the DB one. You certainly do not owe anyone any money for a dress you don't want. If you don't feel comfortable stiffing them for it, at least exchange it for a reception dress. I would never mention it to them, but you will have to get your hands on the receipt.
Wow! Who does that!? While their hearts are in the right place, but still. Can the dress be returned? Sorry that happened to you.
I looked at your old post and I LOVE the dress you have and I LOVE the other dress you were thinking about. They are NOTHING like the dress your family bought. Don't pay for it! I know this is hard because I have a really hard time telling family no when it comes to the wedding but since you had nothing to do with their decision it is a no brainer. Let it be their problem.
I cannot consider their gesture as thoughtful, in fact I think it's quite the opposite..... and especially when they say that you have to pay them back for a dress that you weren't even asked before they decided to buy it...!!!I mean it's absolutely illogical not to mention offending....Just explain to them that you love your dress and that the fact that was made in China does not lessen its beauty and more importantly the way it makes you feel when you wear it.Be confident with your taste and choice!Your dress is beautiful and I think that it really suits your theme!
Wow, that is so out of line. I would tell them to return that dress asap. I love your other dress. You don't have to feel bad about this at all, they should have never done anything without consulting you first.
I know not my style at all. It's pretty, but I see that being used in a day time garden wedding with a pastel color pallette, not a night time Venetian masquerade done in dark reds and purples. Plus empire waists make me look pregnant. Don't know why I just don't think they work well with my body. And it doesn't even match my shoes and accessories. I'd have to buy new ones. They did that on purpose so I'd have to change my whole theme. They don't like any of it. As for returning it it was on sale so even if I had the reciept (which my mom tore up) I don't think I could.
I am writing from my phone but I posted my original here http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/jeff-liu-review
Ohhh ok I thought so, I just didn't know if you'd decided to switch to the antique lacey one. If your mom tore up the reciept that was her own dumb decision because now she's out $450. Oops!
This is mind boggling. They went without even telling you or consulting you, and on top of that, insulted your vision for your wedding day. It's really none of their business. I don't see how they can think you're in any way responsible for paying for the dress. I would honestly tell them to shove it. It's your day, not theirs, and you wear what you want.
I love your other dress! It's gorgeous and not tacky at all. I thought the only problem was that you can't sit in it? Just get a reception dress too! The one they picked is OK for a beach wedding but that's about it IMO. How rude! I def wouldn't pay them back and let them deal with returning it.
Yup. I'm sorry your mom is out $450, but it is sooooo not your responsibility to pay for it. She went and made a decision without you, so no, you do not have to pay her for it. If you decide to go with the dress, she can gift you the shoes too.
If you want to wear the original dress (awesome), then go for it.
If you want to wear this new dress (lovely), then go for it.
If you want to go and buy a new dress, with your own $450, then do it.
Whatever you do, don't pay her the $450 - that just sets up a bad precedent for the wedding (because then she might go and start buying more stuff for you...).
I totally agree with PPs that you do not owe your mom or step-sisters a dime! It would be a completely different story if you had asked them to go out and pick one and promised to reimburse them, but this didn't happen.
That sucks that she tore up the receipt, but that was not a smart move. Encourage her to try to resell it on Craig's List, Oncewed, Ebay, or some other site, but do NOT feel guilty if you don't want to wear it!
Wedding Bee should have a psychologist on call that can be dispatched when needed. Mama and the step sisters have some issues! They are crazy pants!
There have been many times here on the bee when I wanted to say " If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to stand up to your mother". Today, I'm saying it.
You didn't ask for this dress, it's not what you want, it was disrespectful and underhanded for them to buy a second dress.
If she tore up the reciept, she can list it for sale on craigslist, recycled bride etc, It's her problem.
@Jeannine @ Small Chic: Haha I agree! It seems like most brides have it all together, but the families and friends are freaking nuts half the time! lol
You are in NO way obligated to pay them for a dress that you didn't even want or ask for. That's just ridiculous logic. If you had fully committed to getting a new dress and gone with them to pick it out then sure...but for them to pick something for you to wear on one of the biggest days of your life without your input and then expect you to pay for it is bonkers.
OMG! NO! Tell them that you love your dress, this is YOUR day, and your wearing the dress that YOU picked out and love! Dont let other opinions sway you into getting another dress! and for them to go out and buy another without including you at all, and expect you to pay them back for it? Screw them! Im sorry, but that just pi***s me off! I really would flip my lid if this happened to me. I wouldnt deal with it, no one should choose your wedding dress for you! If you dont tell them how you feel and you dont wear the dress that you love, you wil regret it forever.
Sorry for getting so worked up but its so freaking wacko of them to do this! ugh. Im sorry you're having to go through this (((((hugs)))))) but really, you need to tell them to stop, and to return the dress or get rid of it, something, and you dont pay them back a dime because you dont need to! I hope things work out and you wear the dress you originally purchased, because OMG I just looked at it and it is so gorgeous!!! Its very couture and elegant and definitely dramatic! Stick with what you love, this is your day, no one elses! :)
Ha. They're idiots. Now they're stuck with a dress no one will wear that they can't return because of David's Bridal's return policy. Trust me, you don't owe them a dime for being so disrespectful and just plain dumb!
They are the rude ones, not you. You don't have to accept the dress and you certainly don;t have to pay them back. If they can't be happy for you and leave the nasty comments to themselves, it's their loss and you don't have to put up with that hostility. Wear the dress you like that is flattering on you and ignore everyone else.
@Corilee13: I dunno what dress you originally chose but even though your mom and step sisters crossed the line they meant it with good intentions. BTW that dress the chose is so pretty and unusual! It even has a victorian feel to it and you could easily steampunk it up ... get creative with a dark purple or green velvet bolero jacket and some fancy sprocket brooches in the lower middle of the bust!!! The print is very floral and classic ... it would be really awesome to turn into a project!
Oh honey! Your other dress is beautiful! And I have to say that I agree with @julies1949: and say this is the time you HAVE to stand up to your family! Good Luck!
WHAT?!?!? Holy shit - that's insane!
IMO, this is a completely aggressive, manipulative move on their part, and they are expecting you to crumble just b/c your wedding doesn't conform to what THEY want for you. Don't be manipulated by them. If they went out and did this without consulting you first, it's their own fault, and they deserve to be out $450 over it. If I had their info, I'd call them myself to tell them how tacky and disrespectful THEY are being right now.
Of all the nerve... *walks of muttering*
@Corilee13: Excuse my language....
Who the fuck do they think they are!? You don't have to pay them shit! You didn't ask them to go out and spend $450 on a new dress! Quite frankly, I don't like the new dress they picked out!
Offbeat brides always get shit from their traditional family! You want a steampunk wedding, then you have a steampunk wedding and to hell with everyone else! Your original dress fits the steampunk theme perfectly! PLUS, if YOU don't like the dress you have now, you have PLENTY of time to get another one! I have seen so many beautiful steampunk wedding dresses!
Rock your steam punk theme and rock it hard! Tell your mother and your sister that they are the tacky ones for even thinking it would be okay to go out and buy you a dress that you didn't ask for just because the dress you chose doesn't fit their vision! DO NOT BACK DOWN!!!!!!!!!
wow, I'd tell her to suck it.
I so want to see this dress in ivory and cream with a red petticoat.
I LOVE YOUR FIRST DRESS! Screw them! Give it back and tell to eff off! Ok, well maybe not that, but give it back and say "If you can't get your money back, I hear you can sell stuff onine, thanks for the offer, but I will keep MY dress, and thanks for your support in my decision". And then walk away. Your original dress is so beautiful and I am sure you look gorgeous in it! And I personally hope you wear it on your wedding day!
@Corilee13:That's there loss! Honestly though I really like your original dress ALOT better very unique and I love it.
@CrystalBlackheart: Her theme is Venetian Masquerade. The dress they chose is beautiful but it's definitely more of a daytime garden wedding dress. And as the OP said, it doesn't look good on her. Would you be okay with someone buying a new dress for you that, although it was lovely, didn't suit you and wasn't your style? And expected you to pay for it?
@Corilee13: I feel for you. I absolutely hate when people go over your head and then expect you to be appreciative of the result, when it's nothing close to what you wanted. It's their own fault for a) thinking they know better than you, b) buying a dress they can't return, and c) being self-centered twatwaffles who refuse to respect your vision for your own wedding. And I don't know what's wrong with their eyes; your original dress is stunning.
What's with the print?? I wouldn't mind it so much if it was just white but it def doesn't go with your theme.
Are your step sisters married? If they like it so much, tell one of them to wear it when they get married. This is your wedding and you should wear the beauitul dress that YOU had designed.
While I do LOVE the dress they bought you, and can't imagine how it would look bad, I really do LOVE the one you originally got.
I don't think it was tacky by any means. I also think you should tell them how hurt you are, and that you really don't like the dress, or think it's your style. Say thanks, but no thanks!
I hope it all works out.
Un.accept.able.
I'm sure this will cause drama for you but you need to let them know in no uncertain terms that you already have a dress and if you did decide to purchase another, that would be YOUR decision. They had absolutely NO RIGHT to purchase a dress for you WITHOUT consulting you, the BRIDE, who will be WEARING the dress. By doing so, it is now their own problem to try to return or eat the cost of the new dress.
That is ridiculous, how would they feel if you bought their dresses without warning or their input? I'm not sure in whose mind that's an ok thing to do.
I think the dress they picked out is beautiful but I agree that it doesn't fit your theme at all. They went out and bought a dress without consulting you. You don't owe them a cent.
Also, I just went and looked at your original dress and it's gorgeous!! I don't think it's tacky at all!!
I bet if you firmly tell them you won't be paying for it, that "torn up receipt" will magically re-appear.
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