Post # 1
Maybe I’m being a supreme, royal douchebag about this situation but I’m just so frustrated.
My mom and I aren’t close. The sad fact is we can barely be in the same room for more than 5 minutes without fighting.
But I’ve sucked it up during this whole wedding process despite the fact she’s been an active complainer during this whole planning thing but not actually helped make, buy, or do anything.
So my girls are throwing a bachelorette party for me at the end of August. Limo, dinner, drinks, dancing, and a sleepover with all the raunchy bachelorette party games. It’s going to be about 12 girls from 23-26 and my 38 year old sister. I knew my sister would feel a bit awkward being the oldest one so I told her she’s more than welcome to bring a friend.
My mom is throwing an absolute fit though. Like a 2 year old screaming in the grocery store kind of fit. She thinks I’m being inconsiderate because I don’t want her to come. She’s 55, has bad kneea, and can’t hold her liqueur at all. I don’t want to spend my bachelorette party babysitting her.
When I asked her why she wants to come so badly she says “Brittney (my friend)invited her mom to her party so I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.”
But when I tell her my friend’s mom bullied my friend into letting her come and how it was an insanely awkward weekend long party she just brushes it off.
Am I being entirely unreasonable? I’m really not trying to be mean, I just want one stinking night to have fun woth my girls.
Post # 3
Why do some parents act like small children. Your Mum sounds like she is being a brat.
I can understand why you don’t want to invite her. I guess you just have to weigh up whether it would be worse to not invite her.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2013 - A Beautiful converted Barn
i would stand your ground. you dont want to be worring about fights or petty tantrums on your bachelorette party.xx
Post # 5
@SweetHoneyBee: I would ask her not to attend.
Post # 6
I would stand your ground but also possibly offer a compromise of letting her come to some of it, or doing something with you, her and your sister at another time.
Post # 7
Do something else like a mini-bachelrotte with your mom maybe?
Post # 8
I would just tell her you want for your girls & yourself to be able to cut loose and talk without any awkward feelings of having embarrassment from “parental supervision”. Additionally, given her health issues (knees), it probably isnt a good idea given you guys will be on the move all night. It’s not like this is a 12 yr old sleepover. Would she expect to accompany you on your honeymoon as well?
Perhaps offer a compromise of joining the dinner only, or else maybe a special luncheon for just you, your sister & her.
Post # 9
This may not help, but I couldn’t have imagined my party without my mom there. In fact, it was at her house (we just have an 800 sq. foot townhouse)… She did all of the food and drinks and even won “Pin the Macho on the Man,” haha. I know your situation is different though. My Mother-In-Law wasn’t comfortable with all of the raunchy stuff, so we did a spa trip earlier in the day and she was happy to be involved without being subjected to penis everything.
Post # 10
I like the idea of a compromise as well. Mine was the night before my shower so all my female relatives were in town. We did Painting with a Twist so my aunts & younger cousins (whom I’m close with) could join for a little. My Mom chose not to come so she could help my aunt who was hosting finish up, but I actually would have loved if they had come. After that it was the bridal party only portion of the night. I think if you could convince her to just do dinner maybe that would be a happy medium?
Post # 11
OMG no! Why is this even a question?! It’d be one thing if you were those girlfriend type of mother-daughters but apparently you’re not. And your mom MUST know this. So I don’t understand this. NO she can’t come. Say it early. Say it often.
Post # 12
If it were my Mom, I would have invited her to come out–but my Mom is a party on wheels, and your Mom sounds like a bit of a pain in the rear!
I would stand my ground. It’s one night, it’s YOUR night, and there’s really no need for her to be there!
Post # 13
No, a bachelorette is not a place for Mums unless you are very close. I would suggest a lunch or something else but I doubt she would be happy with that. Put your foot down.
Post # 14
You should absolutely stand your ground on this one! It’s YOUR bachelorette party, and you deserve to have a night of fun with your friends/sisters/whoever you want to invite. I am super close to my mom, we talk pretty much everyday and she was wonderfully supportive the whole way through the wedding planning process… and I still wouldn’t have invited her to my bachelorette! Nor would she have dreamed of asking to attend, so it was never an issue. Anyways, I think you could do something to appease her and maybe take her to lunch or do something else she would enjoy as your mother-daughter time – but don’t give into her on this! I think you would just end up regretting it in the end and not having a good time at all because you would be worried about babysitting her instead of enjoying yourself.
Post # 15
The fact she’s acting like a child is all the more reason you should say no. Don’t reward this kind of obnoxious behavior or she’ll think she can use it to manipulate you.
If you and your mother were close, perhaps it would be up for discussion if YOU wanted her there. But this is your night of drunken debauchery and the people attending should be the ones that you want.
Stand your ground. You are NOT in the wrong here and she’s being a selfish baby here.
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada
I would stand my ground if I were you. I always think a bachlorette party is for friends and a shower is for the mum’s and older relatives.
I am having a shower which my mum and Mother-In-Law will attend but they will then leave after dinner and we will go onto my bachlorette. I am also having a bachlorette in the UK which will be a bit more lively and my mum was hinting that she wanted to come to that (hells to the no!) but I shut that idea down very quickly.