Post # 1
My mom and I have an alright relationship, even though I didn’t actually grow up with her. However, like any other mom, she can still drive her daughter up a wall sometimes.
She is obsessed with picking out a dress to wear to my wedding. Normally, this would not be a bad thing. I’ve told her I honestly don’t care what she wears, as I know she won’t pick anything inappropriate, and she’s got a pretty decent sense of style. She knows what she looks good in, and usually knows how to get a good deal on it, too. I know she’ll pick something way better than I would, and I honestly don’t even want to look for a dress for her. Our tastes are completely different.
Even so, she will not stop sending me links of dresses. I have repeatedly told her I honestly don’t care what she wears. I’ve told her to get whatever she likes. I’ve told her it doesn’t matter. I’m almost to the point of busting out with a, “Seriously, I don’t give a flying f__ what the hell you wear!!! Stop asking for my approval!!” That would hopefully get my point across, and I know she wouldn’t be angry at me for long if I actually said it… not that I should. This has gone on for a few months now, even after I told her we’re postponing the wedding by an entire year.
Is there any polite way to approach this that I haven’t done already? I just completely ignored the last link she sent me. Partly because I couldn’t see it on my phone while I was on vacation, anyway. Should I just keep ignoring her links? What about the times she actually brings it up on the phone? I’m seriously getting sick of it.
I guess it could be worse though, as this is currently really the only wedding related issue that I’ve got any stress over! 🙂
Post # 3
Awww, maybe you should give your mom a break. She sounds like she wants to look her best on your special day and want you to like her dress.
Post # 4
Yes, give her your opinion. My mom usually won’t buy or decide on something without someones input. It’s like a security blanket. Is there one dress that maybe your prefer? Do you think she looks better in short or long? I think a 20 min, convo will keep the months of pestering to a minimum. Maybe take a day and go shopping with her and see her buy a dress. Then its done and over with and you don’t have to deal with it.
Post # 5
Here’s my thought…when you have/or did try on wedding dresses, did you go by yourself and not ask anyone’s opinions? If you are like every other bride out there, we all got pretty excited about our wedding dress. A wedding is a big deal to a mom. So, it’s natural she’s going to be super excited about her wedding dress. Just cut her a break. Maybe it’s the one thing she’s going to be able to get excited about if she doesn’t have a hand in on planning.
Post # 6
It would take less time to send her a quick response than it did to post this.
Cut her some slack. It is obviously important to her that you approve of her choice.
Post # 7
If you’re asking her opinions about wedding-related things at all (for example, your dress) or even just talking to her about wedding-related details, it’s only fair to listen to her about the stuff she wants to share. She clearly wants to do this with you and make it a mother–daughter experience. What’s so wrong with that?
Post # 8
That’s the thing… we’ve had multiple 20 minute conversations. And I honestly do not like picking out other peoples’ clothing. My mom looks good in anything she wears, because she won’t buy it if she doesn’t. I don’t have any opinions on the styles she picks because they’re not styles I ever look at for myself. The shopping trip with her is out–she lives 2 time zones away, and money is uber-tight for everyone involved.
I am letting her give plenty of opinions on lots of other wedding-related stuff, so it’s not like I’m wanting to completely ignore her input.
On my own dress–never went out wedding dress shopping. I’m making the dress myself. I don’t have any friends in the state besides FI, so there wouldn’t be a chance to do the typical “fun bridal dress shopping trip” anyway.
On another note, I occasionally wonder if I’m unconsciously retaliating against her. The last 3 times she got married, I was never even told about it, much less invited. Took 2 years for me to find out about my most recent step-father. So yeah, I have a slight grudge. Part of me doesn’t give a crap what she does or doesn’t think about my wedding stuff, because I never even knew about hers. I do my best to overcome that. But it’s hard since she doesn’t even live within driving distance.
Post # 9
Just look at two pictures side by side and pick the one you think is nicer. You can have opinions about clothes that you wouldn’t wear, do you have no opinions about your FIs clothes? Or you could just pick a random dress and pretend you LOVE it so she buys it and can no longer bug you about this stuff.
Post # 10
even if you don’t care, be nice and act like you do. she values your opinion, so just give it – seems rude not to.
Post # 11
@LGenz:No, I don’t actually have many opinions about what FI wears. As long as his clothes aren’t falling apart, and he doesn’t wear white socks with black shoes and black jeans… he can wear whatever he wants. I have rarely been one who cares much about fashion, so all the wedding related fashion stuff is overwhelming to me.
Post # 12
She’s probably insecure and to make the emails/links stop, just pick out which dress you like the best that she has sent you thus far and tell her. “Mom, this one is perfect, I love it, it’s gorgeous, it’ll look great on you” and hopefully be done with it.
Post # 13
Or you could post the options on here and let us pick for your mom
Post # 14
You don’t need to pick out her clothing. Just giving her some attention and short responses to her questions should be enough for her to know that you care.
I have the opposite issue, as my mom has no interest in going dress shopping or even checking out my wedding venue. I wish she cared enough to give me that attention and share the experience with me, but I know that it simply doesn’t occur to her that I would want that when I am capable of picking out these things myself.
Since you say you didn’t grow up with her and live far away, this might just be her way of trying to reach out to you and feel like she is a part of your wedding. I’m sure her obsessiveness is with this one decision is annoying, but it seems to come from a good place.
Post # 15
you’re being a little harsh. she’s excited about your wedding and wants to look good and, most of all, please you. just tell her your favorite and she’ll stop.
you’re reacting to what she was/your history with her, but she’s trying now to reconnect. give her a break.
Post # 16
It sounds like it would just be easier if you gave in and gave your opinion. Even if you don’t have one, just make it up.
I sent my mom dress shopping with my sister so she had to deal with it, not me. They still sent me a pic of the final dress, but I got to stay out of the arguments about “this isn’t fancy enough, this is too fancy, etc.”