Post # 1
Hi all, I need a bit of advice on how to deal with my mom. All in all she’s been generally okay in terms of not being too controlling for my wedding, although there have been certain things that she feels entitled to vet or add because she’s paying- such as inviting several of her friends that neither myself nor my fiance have met.
Anyway, a few weeks ago we had a bit of trouble with our bridesmaid’s dresses. The dresses that I chose weren’t going to be ready in time (we had to bump up the wedding last minute after I found out I was pregnant), which one of my bridesmaids found out when she tried to order hers. She sent a group email to myself, all of my other bridesmaids, and my mom saying that she was having trouble with the dresses. So while I’m going on websites and phoning people up asking if they can get the dress in time, my mom decided to go to David’s Bridal and order some dresses that I’ve never even seen before all by herself without even telling me or asking me at all. I get an email from her two hours later saying “so and so’s working on our order at David’s Bridal”. We went to David’s Bridal a few months ago to look and I really wasn’t crazy about anything about that store, it was too much of a Walmart feel for me and I honestly felt like the dresses all looked really cheap, so seeing that in an email, I had a minor freak out. After an email to my mom, I find out that she already bought 6 dresses by herself for all of my bridesmaids and that was that. She came to visit me and my fiance a few days later, and seemed so happy with herself that she “fixed the problem” that I really didn’t know how to tell her that I wasn’t wild about the dresses. Me and my fiance decided to just leave it because we didn’t want the conflict with my mom, and decided that they were just bridesmaids dresses and we could somehow spiff them up a bit.
Yesterday my mom emailed me with a picture of the dresses in person, and they really look AWFUL. We’re going for a very Victorian-style wedding with lots of lace and light colours, and these dresses are a bright apple red, Jersey cotton and just very, well, David’s Bridal to put it bluntly. They really don’t go with the rest of the wedding!
I don’t really know what to do at this point. My mom already has the dresses and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I really, really dislike the dresses. I feel like at this point I waited to long to say something, should I just let it go and put up with not so nice dresses? I’m mostly just incredibly irked that she went behind my back and ordered something huge like bridesmaids dresses without talking to me at all.
Post # 3
Well, I’d say she’s definately overstepped boundries in this situation. Have you tried contacting DB, explain what your Mom did and see if they will let you exchange the apple red jersey dresses for something that is more suitable for your wedding? You could try and see if they will refund the money, but you might have better luck exchanging the dresses for a different dress.
Post # 4
frankly, you should have gone over your options with david’s bridal when you went in to see them the first time. you can ask if you can do an exhange, but you’re running out of time…i’m not sure how long they usually take to come in.
if you absolutely hate them, try shopping at department stores for something off the rack.
Post # 5
How do the BRIDESMAIDS feel?? They are the ones supposedly having to wear them.
If you hate them, do as PPs have suggested. Try to exchange or refund. But there is no guarantee. And your mom did overstep her bounds. She already HAS the dresses – as in, she did this awhile ago? If so, you may be right, you might have waited too long to do much about it.
And your DB comments, btw, are coming off pretty rudely. That could be offensive to people that use David’s Bridal.
Post # 6
@rabbitmommy: I find this post very offensive. All my BMs purchased their gowns from DB, I’ve been a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the past and have bought my Bridesmaid or Best Man gown from there and finally, I purchased my wedding gown from DB. Watch what you say, it’s offensive. So, You got pregnant before a wedding that your Mom is paying for, making everyone jump ahead on the date. She is being nice by paying for your dresses. I think maybe you should re-think before making a serious mistake and hurting a relationship wiht someone who is SUPPORTING you.
Post # 7
I would first contact DB to see what they can do before you get into it with your mom. If they can do an exchange, I’m sure you can find something you like more there and then just tell your mom, you are really unhappy with the dress but appreciate her effort and are going to exchange them for a different dress.
Post # 8
I can understand your frustration!
My mom did the same thing to me in my first wedding. She thought she was trying to help but she really didn’t understand the colors, or the theme I was going for. (My colors were baby blue and white and I wanted strapless dresses – she got v-neck DARK blue dresses) I got in a huge argument with my parents (my dad was defending my mom), because I didn’t “just let her do it”. So much frustration and unnecessary tension. But unfortunately, weddings tend to make you confront issues that you would rather just blow off. I ended up just buying some dresses off of ebay so I could get them in sooner.
Talk to DB and see what they can do. If not, try shopping at a dept store or online to see if you can get something else in sooner.
Sorry to hear about that – good luck!
Post # 9
Can you add some brooches or accents that will blend the dresses into your theme better?
Post # 10
You can try approaching DB but the horse may have left the barn on this one.
You said your mother told you she had ordered the dresses months ago. THAT was the time to ask to see the style and color she had ordered.
You are certainly allowed your opinion on David’s Bridal, but, as you can see, some brides are sensitive to dissenting opinion. It probably would work better for you in the future to just say you couldn’t find anything that worked for you, without slagging the choices made by others.
Post # 11
Try to exchange them for a different one. My Bridesmaid or Best Man just bought he dress and found out she is pregnant a week later. I told her that DB would probably not do anything because all sales are final, but she called and sure enough they exchanged hers for a bigger size. Depending on who is helping you, they might be able to work with you.
Post # 12
@pinkshoes: I don’t think she’s insulting anyone. Its her opinion. This site is supposed to be positive and supportive but I don’t think that means people can’t share their opinion. Also, you just told her she seems spoiled!
She didn’t say “anyone who wears david’s dresses looks trashy and generic”. She didn’t like the big box store approach which doesn’t mean its bad. She can prefer an more intimate boutique setting. And she has the right to not like the quality of the material. If we’re comparing real silk dresses to david’s satin then its perfectly ok to think that the satin feels cheap.
She clearly had different dresses in mind and is upset that her custom order dresses are being replaces with off the rack replacements which she had no say in.
I just took one of my BM’s to David’s yesterday and I plan on buying my dresses there. And, I’m not offended by this post.
We all are planning our weddings with what we like. If seeing one post about someone being unhappy with David’s Bridal dresses truly hurts the way you feel about your wedding then I think its time to take a deep breath and reconsider the importance of these sorts of things.
Everyone is getting married! That’s enough to be happy about! Someone who attends your wedding will love your dresses and someone will hate them whether you spend $99 or $500. Trying to make everyone like the same thing is impossible and it’ll also make the world a pretty boring place.
I love this site because its full of great ideas and does limit the insanity seen on other sites but we don’t all have to go the extreme opposite and be forced to only say lovely things about everything.
Post # 13
@MissTurtle27: agreed :]
OP, i think it’s too late for you to try and broach the subject with your mom and DB. you had your chance a few months ago but didnt persue it, so at this point it seems like tough cookies – use the dresses or turn them down and have your girls find new ones themselves.
Post # 14
Wow, I am sorry what your mom did but to say DB dresses are cheap looking is rather offensive. I am geting my Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses there and they sooo are not cheap looking.
Yes you have a right to your opinion as to everyone else, however least my upbrining is if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all. A lot of brides have used DB and loved their gowns. So you are going to get a lot of flack for saying that.
Post # 15
@missmichigan: I’m just trying to understand your level of upset over this situation. It doesn’t matter where the dresses came from. What matters is they aren’t her preference, don’t match her wedding and she’s stuck with them.
Post # 16
Who buys Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses without telling the bride or BMs and asking for her/their opinion? Sounds very odd and opposed to what people say that she was trying to be nice, I don’t think so at all. it seems like the total opposite. Nice would be asking you to go shopping with her. It seems like she wanted to take over, knowing you’re strapped for time she jumped on the opportunity.
You can ask your Bridesmaid or Best Man to buy their own dresses, and try to sell the ones your mom bought.