Mom buying wedding stuff WITHOUT consulting me!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@JessicaJupiter:  Thank her for what she purchased, express happiness that she’s excited and politely tell her you were really looking forward to having fun finding much of the wedding stuff on your own. Now will be the time to decide on what REALLY matters to you and if you can hand over the stuff you don’t care about to her. If you want to avoid her complaining about being “left out” put her on a shopping mission for you, with specifics. Or maybe you could put her in charge of an event like the rehearsal dinner? That way, she can go all out and buy all the crap she wants and it won’t mess with your wedding vision.

Post # 5
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My FMIL is a shopaholic, and she has been known to just show up with some things either for the wedding, or for mine and FH’s new apartment. It can be hard to not freak out when they’ve bought something that isn’t close to anything you had in mind, but you have to remind yourself to always remain gracious. If you’re caught off guard, just thank her. At least in my FMIL’s case, it makes her feel good when I accept a present. Even if you have no intention of using it, remember that they are only trying to help, and always show appreciation. If you don’t know how to approach your mom about the invitations yet, just take some time to think about what you want to say. I completely understand thinking “why are they wasting their money?” but to them, it’s not a waste, even if you don’t end up using it.

Post # 6
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Awww….that sucks. Sorry she’s doing that. 


I had a bridesmaid try and do that and while it isn’the same as your mother, it is still someone hijacking your wedding and your vision. 


My advice would be to give them back and ask her to return them. Explain to her that this is your wedding and you are going to follow your vision in regards to it. It may hurt her feelings now, but it’s better to get it done and out of the way early on. You’ll have time to smooth out any hurt feelings. If not, be prepared to surrender your entire wedding to her because it won’t stop. 

Post # 8
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@JessicaJupiter:  my mom did the SAME thing! Only she showed up with 100 invitations. Ack!! She was all “they’re were 90% off and you don’t HAVE to use them” 

I was scared to look but they’re actually possible perfect for our theme so I wasn’t too choked (free venue, now free invitations) but still it was just like whaaaat?!

I feel ya! 

Post # 9
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@JessicaJupiter:  My mom is the same way. She’s a little off, and just started buying random things that not only didn’t match the style of my wedding, but didn’t match anything really.

I think the best thing to do would be to give her a specific task to help with that she can not possibly mess up. I think she really just wants to help, and maybe doesn’t realize that what she’s doing isn’t helpful

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