Weddingbee boards

Has anyone ever had a parent back out of paying for their wedding?

I'm the oldest of 5 kids, the only daughter, and for years my mom has been talking about how she cant wait for my SO and I to get engaged.

We finally did last October, and I have to say that I was one of those girls who was looking at places the weekend after I was engaged.

Well my mom found my wedding book, and she sat me down because she knew weddings were expensive but had no idea they were this costly. She said to me (now, I never asked her for money) that she had 10K to give me towards my wedding. Needless to say I was beyond overjoyed- especially since my fiance and I are also saving for a house right now. My mom just told me to let her know when we found a place, and who to make the deposit or checks out too, and we'll keep track of it.

So... I found my venue on December 10th. I called her super excited, because we saw the Renaissance Marriott in Providence, fell in love, and it was in our price range. I told her that they needed 2K deposit, but they were putting a "soft hold" on the date for me until after the holidays so we can give the deposit then.

A few days later I was at my moms talking to one of my brother's girlfriends about the space, and my mom says that she has "no idea" where we are getting the money from, and she doesnt understand why we wont go to City Hall, and be smart.

I ignored the comment until my brother's girlfriend left, and when I asked her about it- she said that she had other obligations so unfortunately she would not be contributing.

I found out from my brothers, and dad that she decided that she wanted to have a "nice Christmas" this year, and so over the span of 2 weeks in December she spent all 10K that she planned on giving me for the wedding.

Now- just as a quick FYI- my parents havent shopped for Christmas in at least 5 years. They have always felt like Christmas is about family and not about presents.

So... I asked my mom if it was true, and she said that she never gets to do anything nice for herself, so she used the money to buy a brand new laptop, fridge, stove, truck bed for my dad, mini fridges for the my brothers, and a surround system for their bedroom (to name a few things).

Obviously theres nothing I can do, because it's her money and she gets to spend it as she sees fit, but why did she offer it to me? Has anyone ever had a parent decide that they "changed their mind" and didn't want to help pay for the wedding? How did you react?

To make it worse, she has crazy opinions on everything; and she prides herself in being "blunt" when she's really incrdibly rude.

For example:

She told my dad that it hurt her that we arent doing a head table, because she wanted to be showcased at the wedding (we're just doing a sweetheart table, and i've never heard of the parents being at the head table anyway).

The day I went to buy my dress, she decided that it wasnt flattering because my arms are too big (thats another post here). 

She thinks that it's my MOH's responsibility to plan and pay for my shower and dress. She fully expects to come to my bachelorette party, and when I said that it'd probably be just a low key thing with me and my girls she freaked, because I robbed her of her childhood so I shouldnt take this away from her (she had me at 18).

She's mad because my brother's (who are not in the wedding party, and are fine with it-) aren't wearing the same tuxes as the groomsmen, so she has made a separate appt with the tux place so that when the time comes they can get fitted anyway.

And she wants us to invite her aunts who I haven't seen since I was 10, and when I said mom we're on a budget- she agreed to pay for their plates, if I just couldn't figure out how to save.

I just dont know whats going on in her head, and when I talk to her about things, she talks over me or tunes me out-and I feel like I couldve maybe dealt with the crazy when she was paying a huge chunk-but she literally changed her mind and I'm so annoyed...

thanks for listening ladies. Its is crazy...it's like shes wanted to be in competition with me since...forever, and I have no idea why. She's such an amazing woman.

But yeah, at least I can have full control since I'm paying (not that she wont freak out the first time she hears the words no).

And honestly, this is exactly why we wanted a long engagement. My fiance and I got a lot of crap for waiting until 2013 to get married, but I have no idea what i'd do if my wedding was in 2 months!

I hate to be this particular - but if two parties have a verbal contract concerning money - it's binding, so I think even legally they had the obligation to fulfill their promise to you to pay for the wedding. But obviously, it's not like you're going to sue your mom or even realistically expect the money now. but I just had to say that when it's being said "hey its their money they can do what they want." i believe when you promise something, you should keep your promise.

Your mom is being way out of line and is trying to live through you. Don't let her. She can do this on her own - renew her own vows or throw a huge party for herself. I would no longer bring up the wedding around her and plan things with someone else that you can trust who knows the day is truly about you.