(Closed) Mom changed her mind about paying for the wedding. Other craziness.

posted 6 years ago in Full Figured
Post # 3
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow.  I’m so sorry 🙁  All I can really say is BAT.SHIT.CRAZY!

I hope it works out in the end for you guys, but judging based on this post alone, if it were me I’d elope & avoid the drama.  But I’m mean like that.

Post # 4
3241 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yeah, I hear ya. When I was engaged-my parents told me they were going to pay for the whole wedding. Both Hubby and I told them they didn’t have to, we are old enough to pay, but they insisted. Then after the venue (a venue they saw and approved price wise) was booked, my Mom told me they wanted to spend as little as possible on our wedding. So we ended paying for about half of the wedding with my parents contributing the other half. Weddings and the money associated with weddings make people crazy. It’s the only explaination I have.

Since she is being odd about the wedding now-if I were you, I wouldn’t count on her contributing any thing monetary-wise. As far as the comment about you robbing her of her childhood~that was way out of line and I’m sorry you have to deal with this.

Post # 5
375 posts
Helper bee

Oh, man, that’s just… wow.

I’m so sorry she pulled the bait-and-switch on you but all I can say is at least you’ve got a little time to rework with the wedding over a year away.

And now that she’s decided not to pay, she gets no say (especially if she’s going to be so negative and flighty).

Best of luck!

Post # 7
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Cryssieshine:  Yikes!  Sorry that they took back the offer to give you money.  Really, it’s incredibly selfish but you are right – it’s their money and they can do what they want with it.   I swear weddings do make people crazy.  I  can’t deal with that kind of stress personally and would probably tell mom to take a hike.  lol.  Good luck with the saving and planning.  Remember to hold your ground.  Adding extra people to the guest list adds a lot more costs than just the plate cost.  So you and Fiance decide what YOU both want, and then hold a firm stance.  

P.S.  I live near Providence and will be selling some 15 hr votive candles in holders.  If you’re interested, pm me.  🙂

Post # 8
31 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

That sounds incredibly stressful.  My best advice is to live your life for you!  (and never ask her for anything or accept anything from your mother again)

I hope you do what you want and not what others want!

Post # 9
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

We have definitely learned that any time a relative offers money, just take the lump sum or nothing!  We had a bait and switch where my parents offered to pay for the whole reception, then, after the venue was booked, put a cap on the amount they were contributing, kind of like the first part of OP’s story.


Funnily, they still had the resources to expand the budget on items that were important to them and their friends, but never if it was something they didn’t 100% approve of!


(We’re very grateful since we could never have the wedding we are without them, but it soured things a bit when we felt like we couldn’t trust things they said!  They did that a few times with vendors too… I don’t want to sound like a b!tch, but it has been a difficult process merging family and money issues!)

Post # 10
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hate to be this particular – but if two parties have a verbal contract concerning money – it’s binding, so I think even legally they had the obligation to fulfill their promise to you to pay for the wedding. But obviously, it’s not like you’re going to sue your mom or even realistically expect the money now. but I just had to say that when it’s being said “hey its their money they can do what they want.” i believe when you promise something, you should keep your promise.

Your mom is being way out of line and is trying to live through you. Don’t let her. She can do this on her own – renew her own vows or throw a huge party for herself. I would no longer bring up the wedding around her and plan things with someone else that you can trust who knows the day is truly about you.



Post # 11
376 posts
Helper bee

i say that you forget your moms offer–in the end you wouldnt have heard the end of the money she gave you.

find a venue that you and the hubby to be can swing on your own, cut your list down if needed. you will value the whole experience much more.

i will suggest our venue to you, wannamoisett country club. its in east providence and they are amazing!!!! the best value for a amazing beautiful elegant venue. plus they have been amazing to work with. they have NO hidden or extra fees since they are a private country club. check em out!



Post # 12
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

“Its is crazy…it’s like shes wanted to be in competition with me since…forever, and I have no idea why”

That comment sticks out for some reason…. my Mum is the same… like when I got my GCSE results, aged 16, before I could tell her, she said:

“Now don’t worry if you haven’t done well. I love you even if you aren’t clever.” It stung because she should have known that I would excel academically, and I did… it was just to put me down, because her results hadn’t been so good.

She’s also sent me clothes as gifts which are a UK16 (at my largest, I was a UK10, borderline 12) and said:

“I know you’ve been trying to lose some of that weight you put on recently, and maybe these clothes will fit you now you’re thinner!”

Another gem: “I’m not sure you should borrow my [heirloom] dress… you are quite a bit larger than me, so it probably won’t fit you” (at the time, I was 3 dress sizes smaller than her).

So I sympathise. The way I deal with mine when planning any events is just to do whatever the heck I want and then don’t tell her unless she specifically asks. If she asks, I don’t lie, I just say “yes, we have made this decision and this is the way it is going to be”. Hopefully it won’t occur to her to ask about anything until it’s too late!

Post # 13
556 posts
Busy bee
Post # 13
556 posts
Busy bee


Your mother is really passive aggressive!

Good luck with planning the rest of the wedding!

Ps her rules don’t make sense– the moh paying for your dress ???

Post # 14
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Gosh I’m sorry. During this special time all you really want is for your mom to be supportive. 

My family dramz mostly stemed from my mother who declared she was buying a Mercedes after I got engaged but didn’t offer to contribute to the wedding. She also made a huge deal about my dad walking me down the aisle because she thought she should. When I tried to compromise and have both of them she refused. At dress shopping she chose dresses based on what she would possilby choose for her own (THIRD) wedding and then said things like “I’m planning my wedding though you.” So I’m eloping now. I just couldn’t take those kinds of things. My mom had me young too and in the past couple of years I have felt like she’s in competition with me. But I’m not competing I’m just living!

Good luck! I really hope these things don’t continue for you…

Post # 15
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I would not include her in any more of the planning at all, I’m sorry but she is very manipulative.

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