Mom does not agree with my invitations because they are not white!

posted 2 years ago in Paper
Post # 2
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Who’s paying for the wedding?

Post # 3
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Whoever pays is whoever decides.

 

Post # 4
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

makeupartistveevee:  If you are mature enough to get married, you need to be mature enough and assertive enough to stand up for yourself. If you and your FI are paying for the wedding, you get to make the decisions. If you are letting your parents pay, you give up some measure of control.

Post # 5
Member
7285 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your grown women who is entitled to have your day as you see fit. Stop sharing details. If you invite her to pay for things then she gets a say. She can’t control things unless you give up control. 

Post # 6
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I don’t agree with the “if she’s paying, she has the say” typical line that gets touted around here so much – especially in this circumstance.  There’s NO REASON your mom should be giving you grief over a frickkin’ INVITE that’s going to go into the garbage.

Stand up for yourself.  Family members are supposed to help limit the stress of your wedding, not cause the stress.  If she can’t compromise, well, then she’ll be the only one upset at your wedding, and you can live with that.  NO ONE is going to be thinking “she’s obviously a skank because she sent a pink invite…” I mean really, what the hell…

Post # 9
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I think it’s extremely rare for money to be given/spent without strings attached. I agree with other posters who say that if your mother is contributing to your wedding financially, then (unfortunately for you) she has every right to have input. Have you had a sit-down, heart-to-heart with her about how important it is that you incorporate color into your wedding? Is there room for compromise? How about white/ivory invitations with colorful lettering or designs worked in? Etc. 

I love my mom dearly and I know she’s super excited about my wedding, but this is precisely the reason my fiance and I are paying for the whole thing ourselves…she’s very opinionated and becomes more so when her money is involved. I’m always amazed when I hear stories about parents just writing a check for the wedding and saying “Here you go! Use it for whatever you want!”

Post # 10
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

Oops, I just saw that you posted and said that you’re paying for the wedding! Yep, definitely stop sharing details with her then. I told my mom to show up, look cute, and have a great time!

Post # 11
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I also come from a very strong Catholic background so I understand where your mother is coming from. Lucky for us myself and my siblings are the only one out of my cousins that didn’t attend Catholic school.  Mine strong background was from my grandmother.  Since I understand where your mom is coming from  I would recommend that the two of you sit and talk to the Preist to see what he says.  Things are different now a days.  If the Padre tells her that white doesn’t matter on the flowers or invitations then hopefully she can see things differently.

Post # 12
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

makeupartistveevee: Hey did you know that a white wedding dress is not actually a reflection of the bride’s purity, but actually blue is historically assoiciated with virginity? The white wedding dress tradition began as a fashion fad started by Queen Victoria. It also became associated with wealth due to it’s impracticality because it shows dirt so easily. 

Look up the myth of the white dress = virginity idea and show it to your mom. Maybe she’ll relax a bit as she realizes that it totally doesn’t matter what colors you have in your wedding!

Post # 13
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

nikkiibee:  I agree with you on this one. Because if my future kids are going to get married, I will pay or help them pay for it and I will make sure NOT to give them grief if they want to have whatever makes them happy on their special day. I mean, of course if it was something dangerous or outrageous I would probably say something, but regarding inivitations and flowers? Seems a bit too much. Just my opinion. 

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

makeupartistveevee:  I just had to reply because my mom was trying to convince me to go the shade of diamond white for my wedding gown since I’m a first-time bride. My answer? I look better in ivory/off-white, so that’s what I’m going for. 

At the end of the day, it’s your and your fiance’s big day! I told my mom that she can do whatever little things makes her happy in the small details of the wedding, but for the most part, to just focus on showing up and having fun!

Post # 15
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

makeupartistveevee:  Are you actually going to be a virgin on your wedding day?  No judgement (I certainly wasn’t!) but just curious.

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