Post # 1
My over protective, very religious latina mom is obsessed with the whole virginity is white idea and does not want me to have any color on my bouquet, my dress, my shoes or even my invitations! I am obsessed with color in fact, I chose my wedding theme to be a mexican fiesta with vibrant fuschias and hot pinks. I feel like a trapped little bird. I tried everything in the book to convince her that color is beautiful but she claims that I am not pleasing the legion of angels surrounding us at the wedding. I think she’s too controlling. I can’t agree with anything. I’m try to compromise by getting her to buy me the things. For example the bouquet, if she chooses color then I will choose the most expensive flowers hahah. I don’t even know how to compromise. What should I do??
Post # 2
Who’s paying for the wedding?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Whoever pays is whoever decides.
Post # 4
makeupartistveevee: If you are mature enough to get married, you need to be mature enough and assertive enough to stand up for yourself. If you and your FI are paying for the wedding, you get to make the decisions. If you are letting your parents pay, you give up some measure of control.
Post # 5
Your grown women who is entitled to have your day as you see fit. Stop sharing details. If you invite her to pay for things then she gets a say. She can’t control things unless you give up control.
Post # 6
I don’t agree with the “if she’s paying, she has the say” typical line that gets touted around here so much – especially in this circumstance. There’s NO REASON your mom should be giving you grief over a frickkin’ INVITE that’s going to go into the garbage.
Stand up for yourself. Family members are supposed to help limit the stress of your wedding, not cause the stress. If she can’t compromise, well, then she’ll be the only one upset at your wedding, and you can live with that. NO ONE is going to be thinking “she’s obviously a skank because she sent a pink invite…” I mean really, what the hell…
Post # 7
My fiance and I are paying for our wedding but my mother feels entitled because she is my mother. She is helping me out with a few things here and there like making favors and figuring out my food for the day, helping with flowers. I feel like I will stop mentioning anything to her. She dislikes everything I like.
Post # 8
bklynbridetobe: I agree. I think I won’t share anymore details with her.
Post # 9
I think it’s extremely rare for money to be given/spent without strings attached. I agree with other posters who say that if your mother is contributing to your wedding financially, then (unfortunately for you) she has every right to have input. Have you had a sit-down, heart-to-heart with her about how important it is that you incorporate color into your wedding? Is there room for compromise? How about white/ivory invitations with colorful lettering or designs worked in? Etc.
I love my mom dearly and I know she’s super excited about my wedding, but this is precisely the reason my fiance and I are paying for the whole thing ourselves…she’s very opinionated and becomes more so when her money is involved. I’m always amazed when I hear stories about parents just writing a check for the wedding and saying “Here you go! Use it for whatever you want!”
Post # 10
Oops, I just saw that you posted and said that you’re paying for the wedding! Yep, definitely stop sharing details with her then. I told my mom to show up, look cute, and have a great time!
Post # 11
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I also come from a very strong Catholic background so I understand where your mother is coming from. Lucky for us myself and my siblings are the only one out of my cousins that didn’t attend Catholic school. Mine strong background was from my grandmother. Since I understand where your mom is coming from I would recommend that the two of you sit and talk to the Preist to see what he says. Things are different now a days. If the Padre tells her that white doesn’t matter on the flowers or invitations then hopefully she can see things differently.
Post # 12
makeupartistveevee: Hey did you know that a white wedding dress is not actually a reflection of the bride’s purity, but actually blue is historically assoiciated with virginity? The white wedding dress tradition began as a fashion fad started by Queen Victoria. It also became associated with wealth due to it’s impracticality because it shows dirt so easily.
Look up the myth of the white dress = virginity idea and show it to your mom. Maybe she’ll relax a bit as she realizes that it totally doesn’t matter what colors you have in your wedding!
Post # 13
nikkiibee: I agree with you on this one. Because if my future kids are going to get married, I will pay or help them pay for it and I will make sure NOT to give them grief if they want to have whatever makes them happy on their special day. I mean, of course if it was something dangerous or outrageous I would probably say something, but regarding inivitations and flowers? Seems a bit too much. Just my opinion.
Post # 14
makeupartistveevee: I just had to reply because my mom was trying to convince me to go the shade of diamond white for my wedding gown since I’m a first-time bride. My answer? I look better in ivory/off-white, so that’s what I’m going for.
At the end of the day, it’s your and your fiance’s big day! I told my mom that she can do whatever little things makes her happy in the small details of the wedding, but for the most part, to just focus on showing up and having fun!
Post # 15
makeupartistveevee: Are you actually going to be a virgin on your wedding day? No judgement (I certainly wasn’t!) but just curious.