- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I don’t have the best relationship with my parents. They don’t have the best relationship with each other. Mom is one of the “suffocate-you-with-sweetness” types. She’s Taiwanese, but I should count myself lucky that she doesn’t seem to be a Dragon Mother.
I invited them to visit for a weekend so that we can show them the venue and go shopping for mom’s dress (I’ve already bought my dress). My parents don’t live in a major city and I’d love to get (on my dime) my mom a really nice dress for the wedding. I don’t care what color or style it’s in as long as she feels pretty and happy in it.
Within the span of one phone conversation, I’m seriously dreading this visit. I think it’s just going to stress me out and make me feel miserable about myself and the wedding.
1) She asked if we could go see this one friend of hers (who my last vague recollection of was a trip to Universal Studios 20 years ago), who lives at least 4 hours away. What? She also insisted that we invite her; which would be OK but I think she’s going to nickle-and-dime me on guests until the wedding day. Not cool if you’re trying to keep under 75 guests!
2) She wanted to make a dress out of this brocade (I’ll probably wear it during the rehearsal dinner when we perform the tea ceremony), which I’m fine with, but her idea of what “fits” is INCHES looser than my idea of what fits. We once had an argument over the hemline of a cocktail dress she graciously altered for me; I ended up wearing the dress once and gave it to Goodwill because the hem ended up being in a weird place on my knee and whenever I looked at the dress it brought up all these negative feelings about it.
3) My really talented mom also used to decorate cakes years ago. She jumped in and asked me if I wanted her to decorate the wedding cake. I honestly have no idea how she plans on baking the thing in FI’s condo, then decorating it and transporting it *over an hour* to the venue on the wedding day, on top of everything else the MOB does the day of the wedding. The logistics of making this idea work just make me want to cry (I said no, for the record). On top of this, she proceeded to tell me what my paternal aunt’s plan was for the cake my mom is making for my (male) cousin’s wedding next year, which is so far from the vision Fiance and I have for our cake. I told her that it was nice my cousin’s bride had a say in her wedding cake (cue sarcasm).
4) She wanted to know what the wedding budget was so that she and dad could help pay for the wedding (FI and I are planning on paying for the whole thing ourselves). This money was supposed to be money used for my college education (some of it was used); I was absolutely livid when I found out my dad made me take out loans when we didn’t need to, then proceeded to literally let dust collect on this money (as opposed to putting it in a money market account or some sort of savings account) for years. If I had a say, I would have opted to go to a better school for what I studied and not take out loans (which just got paid off). I almost don’t want to accept their money because then I would feel they would want to dictate things (like the cake for example, or drastically alter the guest list that we can’t budge too much because of our venue size).
I really just want my parents to be genuinely happy, which at this point I don’t think they (or I) will get in our lifetimes. I want to have a good relationship with my parents (I haven’t gone into their relationship or my relationship with my dad because it’s really my mom that’s stressing me out at this moment), which is something else I don’t think we’ll ever get. I want Mom to chill-the-eff-out and be happy for me. Her constant fussing drives me nuts and she never understands when I try to explain how much she stresses me out with it. She just says that she just “trying to help” and doesn’t understand that all she’s doing is making me more stressed out. I really don’t need or want her to nitpick every detail of my wedding with Fiance and tell me how she would do things; we’re two very different people with completely different styles.
Fiance was being really sweet last night when he said that we would get through all this together, but my parents were one of the reasons why I just wanted to have a quick JoP wedding and be done with it. Fiance is *insisting* we have a “real wedding” and we’ve already booked the venue so here we are.
I want to hear your difficult mom stories!