(Closed) Mom, get excited for my wedding – please! [vent]

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

my mom never got excited about my wedding even though i though she eventually would. she basically refused to help with anything and got upset at me when things didn’t go right. the weird thing was that she apparently told her firends how excited she was and everything but she didn’t show it to me. it was hard to deal with it but just remember all the people that are super excited and want to help- for me that was my sisters.

Post # 5
Member
3298 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I understand. My Mom told me that if we had a DW, she wouldn’t be going. Never mind the fact that she and her husband travel all the time.

 

Is your mom just completely down on DW’s? What was she like when you may have been considering a “regular” wedding?

Post # 6
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I guess she just assumes that just because she wouldn’t go to someone’s DW that no one will come to yours. That’s stupid.She shouldn’t assume that people can’t or won’t travel to something like that.

I’m sorry this is how it is right now. I honestly can’t relate and have no good advice, but I really really hope she has an attitude adjustment. I’d probably talk to Dad if you haven’t already, and find out if she’s basically being passive aggressive about something you’re not even aware of. At the end of the day, you’ll have to just let it go because you don’t want it to ruin your high spirits and optimism for your wedding and your future. It ain’t worth it! If she wants to be a sour puss, well then so be it. 

Post # 8
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We have a similar thing but it is FIs parents not mine, it has been an uphill struggle to even get them to discuss the wedding & I agree with what JoolyBee says as I think that they presumed no one would come and kept saying that.  It was an awkward situation, but now we have 32 confirmed its become a mad rush for them to get organised so they can be there…

Post # 9
Member
4688 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

I know what it’s like to have Mom not so excited about your wedding. A lot of time as brides we feel like people should be thrilled and usually… they’re just not. But Moms should make more of an effort!

Sounds like your mom’s being a little passive aggressive. She’s maybe frustrated you’re having a DW? DW’s can be really hard on everyone- it’s obligatory for all your loved ones to come and they are incredibly expensive, you have to use vacation days, etc etc. Keep pushing the “pro’s” of the wedding so she can stop thinking of the con’s.

You know the day of she’s going to be sooo excited and happy for you!!!

Post # 10
Member
5757 posts
Bee Keeper

When my younger daughter and her FI were discussing what they wanted to do for their wedding, they initially decided they wanted it to be in Mexico. I was pretty surprised by it, as I never remembered her ever being interested in visiting or vacationing there let alone want to get married there.

I started looking around on the internet for wedding planners,venues,prices,etc., and when I emailed some of them to her she was a little shocked by how much it would cost for people to attend. (We’re in NJ, so not impossible,right?) They also found out that his only Grandmother and my Dad, the only Grandfather, both refused to fly anywhere,let alone to Mexico.

 I told my sister about the plans and was told she’d need to get an equity loan to afford it for 5 of them to go. Another sister told me she’d turned down an invitation to Jamaica for her husband’s neice, so how could she go to my daughter’s then? What’s fair for one should be fair for both,right?

My family doesn’t travel out of the country, and almost none have passports. (yet another thing brought up as an expense) Nobody would fly so far and pay so much and just stay for the weekend, so they had to take a week to make it worthwhile….adding more of an expense.

When I told my daughter all the things people were saying, I then asked her if she was comfortable going forward, knowing almost no family members from either side could really afford to go without it being a hardship, and her immediate answer was NO. Same for her fiance…he couldn’t imagine getting married with no family there either.

They changed their plans to be more local, but still got married an hour away….and everyone came.

I think many times, people planning destination weddings don’t think it all the way through, but are more focused on what they want no matter how it affects everyone else.  Most can’t afford to cover all the travel and room expenses for all their guests, so people have some pretty hard decisions to make about whether to attend or not. If it doesn’t really matter who is there or not, I guess it can work out, but know that it is definitely an imposition for many people.

I have to say, I wouldn’t be excited to travel to a wedding in Scotland myself, as it’s just some place I’ve never been interested in visiting. No matter how much I might care for the B&G, I would also have to be realistic with my budget since we’d be on our own for much of the time, entertaining ourselves.

Even if your family travels extensively or has no problem affording it, they just might not want to go to Scotland. Maybe your Mom has heard from family members about it just as I did, and is hoping you’ll change your minds. Givng a wedding gift is certainly way less expensive than paying for overseas flights and rooms and food for a week,isn’t it?

Post # 11
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Sorry you’re going through this ((hugs)), she may just be in a funk! It could be menopause, too. Sorry to just throw that out there, but my mom is going through it, and she can get very negative about things, A LOT. And with every call I make to her only regarding the wedding, I can imagine she gets a bit sick of it. 

I’d blame hormones and just play nice, maybe she’ll come around. 

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