- 5 years ago
Regular bee in hiding for this one. I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.
My mom is a smart, strong, caring woman. She also suffers from depression and I believe a mental illness.
My dad passed away very suddenly 20 years ago and my mom was left a 35 year old widow with 3 young children. Needless to say, things were not/still aren’t easy and everyday was a struggle for her both financially and emotionally. I didn’t realize at the time because I was so young, but my mom fell into a deep depression. Never smiled, always cried, etc. My dad had been the sole provider for the family, and 2 years after his death my mom re-entered the work force. No degree and no experience for over 10 years meant very low paying jobs. But she made it work and we always had food and a roof over our heads.
Over the next several years she became “herself” again. Smiled a bit more and seemed to be coming back to life. With her new emotions also came the yelling, screaming, and name calling. Verbal and emotional abuse was a “normal” thing in my household and until I entered therapy last year I didn’t recognize that for what it was. I just thought that is how all families were.
Now, to get to the point of my story. My mom had a complete mental breakdown about 5 years ago. She thought all of us (including her sister and best friend) were plotting against her. It was completely irrational and I begged her to seek treatment. I even called her therapist and begged her for help, but because of privacy laws I got nowhere. My mom eventually pulled out of that black hole but was left very alone, with only us kids talking to her (and even that was strained).
My wedding just passed and leading up to the wedding I could see her falling into a hole again. She was going through my dads things, obsessiing over how we would include him in the ceremony, and literally cried all day long. The day before the wedding she screamed and cried all day. She screamed at me because she got lost getting to the nail salon, and made a scene when she arrived. The day of the wedding she either had a break down or had too much champagne (she isn’t a drinker) and her behavior was humiliating. The bridal party/parents stopped to take pictures at the beach, and my mom ran in the water exclaiming how much she loved the beach. She yelled at people at the limo, started a fight with my sister, the list goes on.
We got home from our honeymoon and she didnt speak to us for 2 months. She complained that she felt like a “3rd wheel” all weekend.
Christmas Eve is normally a big celebration at my house every year. I chose not to invite my mom this year and I know she was hurt, and I was so sad. But the truth is, I am embarassed by her behavior. I was sad that my in laws so this side to her, that I had managed to keep “secret” for the 5 years they have known me. I was disappointed that she couldn’t be “normal” for one day. And then I feel guilty for having those feelings, because my mom is normal. She is just suffering with this horrible disease and I dont know what to do or how to help.
I need to get back to therapy, but money has been tight since the wedding. I love my mom and I want to have a relationship with her, but its hard.
If you made it this far, thank you!!