- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
So to give you a bit more background, I started looking at dresses as soon as I got engaged last March. My budget for a dress was around $2000 so I was shortlisting dresses in that range. However, my mom offered to pay for my dress, which I was really grateful for! My mom and I haven’t had the best relationship over the years and I was really touched that she wanted to buy my dress.
I’ve always pictured myself in a natural waist ballgown and I found one that I loved for $1400 plus alterations. When I told my mom the price (which I thought was reasonable), she said that it was a bit expensive. I know that my mom and stepdad are a bit tight with money since they are paying for my brother’s college right now, so I understood, and I decided to look at cheaper options. I could’ve bought the dress I liked myself but my mom seemed very keen on the idea of buying me the dress herself. She kept saying to me “I know that I can’t help you with the wedding costs right now, but at least I’ll buy you your dress!”
I decided to go dress shopping with my mom to check out more affordabe options. Well, it turns out that dress shopping turned into a nightmare! First of all my mom kept insisting that I get a white dress although I was set on ivory, and I didn’t like the way stark white dresses made me look. In every store that we went my mom kept pulling white dresses and saying stuff like “this is the only request I have, that you were a white dress”, or “in my days only unpure women didn’t wear white on their wedding day” (lol)
She didn’t like any of the styles I liked and I didn’t like any of the dresses she pulled for me, and she was getting frustrated and angry with me. Towards the end of the day my mom pulled a dropped waist ivory A line dress that looked good on me and I liked it as well. When she saw it on me she teared up and and kept complimenting me on how beautiful I was.
The dress was lovely and I looked good in it, but I didn’t have that “moment”, and it didn’t feel like the one to me. I told that to my mom and she said that I’m being silly and the “moment” is just something they promote on TV. We decided to go sleep on it and come back the next day to try it on again. That night my mom kept gushing to everyone about how I found my dress and how beautiful I looked, and how she’ll be buying my dress tomorrow.
The next day I brought my BM (who is my closest friend) along to the dress store. I showed her the dress my mom liked and she said that it’s a nice dress, but not really the style I was going for. My mom was running late so we decided to try on a few more dresses. My BM pulled out a natural waist ballgown for me that I overlooked before, and when I put it on I loved it! I couldn’t stop looking at myself in the mirror and I had a huge smile on my face. And the best thing was that it was a sample on sale for only $850, and it fit me perfectly, no alterations needed, and I felt good that it wouldn’t break the bank for mom.
When my mom arrived I was sooo excited, told her that BM pulled a dress for me and I thought it was the one! When I put it on my mom just scrunched up her face and started tearing it apart. For half an hour she kept repeating the same things, that it wasn’t showing off my figure enough like the other one, that I looked “common” and like “a little girl playing dress up”, that it was cheap looking (although the fabric was actually nicer and softer than the one she liked). She made me put on the dress she liked and when I had that on she kept comlimenting it and saying that this was my dress.
However, after having the other dress one I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be going for my mom’s choice and I changed back into the ballgown. Again my mom started putting it and me down, and my BM told her “well it’s her wedding, so as long as she is happy in her dress that’s all that matters, right?”. At that point my mom exploded, told my BM that she was being rude and disrespectful to her, told me “fine, do what you want, if you want to look cheap, common and childish then go ahead”, and stormed out of the store.
At that point I was in tears, I took the dress off and went to have a coffee and cool off with my BM. I knew that I liked the dress, it was a great deal that fit me perfectly, and I didn’t want anyone else to buy it since it was the only one. I then called my dad, and when he got off work we went back to the store together where I tried on both dresses and he really liked the dress I chose and said that it was very “me”. He was tearing up and I was happy to be able to have the moment with my dad if I wasn’t able to have it with my mom. I bought the dress that night because I couldn’t stop fearing that someone else would buy it, but I knew mom would hate me for it.
When I told my mom I bought it she threw another fit, by that point she had my spedad and brother set against me and my BM. My brother yelled at me that I upset mom, and he told me “the dress you picked is very ugly”. My mom was sobbing and telling me that my BM picked an ugly cheap dress for me because she was jealous that I was getting married, that I cared more about dad’s and BM’s opinion than hers, that I don’t love her etc.
She asked me to go and exchange the dress for the other one. She had my grandma call and try to talk me out of it (my grandma hadn’t actually seen my dress and was expecting something horrible based on what my mom said, but actually liked the dress when I showed her the picture later). I left my mom’s in tears that night.
My mom then told me that she had planned on whipping out her credit card and buying me the other dress while I was in the change room, but that she refuses to pay for the dress I picked because it’s not nice, so she won’t be buying me the dress after all.
Since then things have cooled of with my mom, she dissaproves of pretty much all my wedding choices so far, and when I ask her input she says things like “it’s not like my opinion matters to you anyway”
Sometimes I look at my dress and wonder if my mom was right. My dress is not form fitting like she wanted it its a little “princessy” maybe, but it’s what I felt happy in. I wished I would’ve loved the dress my mom wanted me to get so she could’ve been happy and maybe that would’ve brought us closer together but I didn’t and my heart wouldn’t let me wear a dress I didn’t love just to please my mom. Sometimes I feel guilty about everything and question my decision.
Here is my dress bees. My mom still dislikes it and she says so. What do you think? If you think that it’s silly, cheap and “common” like my mom please let me know! Was I wrong to buy this dress and upset my mom? I sometimes feel that I went a bit behind her back and bought it but I was very upset and emotional that day. Any advice on patching things up with mom?