Post # 1
It’s been a few months since my shower, but I just can’t get over what my mom did. Because we moved back to our home town so close to our wedding date I only had time for one shower and I was really excited about it. It ended up being held in my mom’s house for convenience puposes and my MOH did an amazing job of putting it together and everyone said that it was the prettiest shower they had ever been to. However, about an hour and a half into the shower as we finished playing the first game I was asked by my MOH what I would like to do next, play another quick game or eat cake and my mom pipes up and says, “we should eat cake and open presents because some people may want to leave.” I was shocked and embarassed, but I felt like I couldn’t say anything without looking like a brat so I kept my mouth shut and did what she wanted to do. (Looking back I wish I would have just ignored her and did what I wanted) I am still extremely bitter about this because my mom and I don’t have the best relationship, but I figured that we could bond over wedding planning which didn’t happen and this this was the last straw.
I guess what I want to know is how I can get over this? I really bothers me that I was only able to have one shower and my mom cut it short without batting an eye.
Post # 3
I think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. I resent my mom’s behavior around my wedding, but she was practically foaming at the mouth while screaming at me. I think if you’re having trouble letting something this small go, it means you have a lot of deeper issues you need to work through with your mom (my mom and I have really deep issues and small stuff like this really gets under my skin with her as well). Have you ever considered going to counseling, either on your own or with her?
Post # 4
I’m sorry you feel this way. I wasn’t there, so it’s hard to imagine her tone. I will say that maybe she didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or was just being thoughtless. You shouldn’t let it upset you and ruin your feelings about your wonderful shower. You definitely shouldn’t let it taint any of your other wedding events. Just try to let it go and focus on the happiness of you events!
For what it’s worth, my shower didn’t last longer than a few hours (maybe 2 1/2?), and I think that’s pretty common. Good luck with this! I know weddings are such an emotionally stressful time!
Post # 5
I don’t know anything about the background of your relationship or the context, but opening gifts after an hour and a half actually sounds fairly reasonable. She may have believed that she was helping to move things along and doing something good and helpful to you.
Post # 6
I think you have to let this go, as it most likely was not meant as any hurtful comment to you, but rather meant to keep the party moving along out of respect for those who may have had a time they needed to leave but didn’t want to go without waiting for you to open gifts (which in and of itself can be seen as rude by many people).
Post # 7
I think an hour and a half in is pretty normal to start opening gifts and wrapping things off. Her delivery may not have been appreciated, but I don’t think she cut your shower short. I had several showers and the longest one was maybe 2.5 hours? Most of them wrapped up at 2 and we started opening gifts around the same time you did. Weddings often create a really difficult dynamic between bride and MOB, especially if you had a tough relationship to begin with. It is really easy to get offended because emotions are high, but I would try really hard to think long term and let this one go.
Post # 8
I agree with the PPs above. Unless there’s a lot more to the story than we know, it seems like she was just trying to keep the party moving along. An hour and a half prior to opening gifts and eating cake seems very reasonable to me… now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve been to any showers much longer than 2 hrs total!
Post # 9
Without being there and hearing the tone it is difficult to truely know your mother’s intentions. She could have been trying to be helpful, but you would know better than any of us.
As someone who has an extremely difficult relationship with their mother I highly recommend that you let it go and focus on the positives aspects of your planning process and recent wedding (June 23rd right?). You can’t fix what she doesn’t think is broken and you certainly can’t change what has happened. It is funny the family we are given and sometimes they are less than perfect (or not even close) but family doesn’t necessarily have to be just those that we are related to. If you cannot become close with her and have a reliable relationship perhaps you can bond with your MIL to fill that void (that is what I am doing).
My mother left my wedding shortly after dinner was served. She spent the entire morning avoiding me and complaining that she didn’t look as pretty as I did or that her “dress looked like crap compared to mine.” Most people didn’t meet the MOB or even know that she was there. My family and friends did their best to hide all this from me and I appreciate it. It took me a month to finally be in contact with her again after the wedding because I was so hurt. Now I have resigned to the fact that her and I just don’t have that type of relationship and I am not going to waste any more time trying to make it more than what it is.
I wish you the best of luck with everything!
Post # 10
I’m with PPs. It doesn’t sound like she was trying to be mean or hurtful or imply people didn’t want to stay. It sounds like she was just trying to make sure the party was moving along and didn’t go too long in case other people had prior commitments (gift opening can take a while). 1.5 hours is about when you should eat cake and start opening presents. I think you are reading waaaay to much into this and really need to let it go.
Post # 11
The way I read it doesn’t sound ill-intentioned, but perhaps there was something in her tone that bothered you, or it is possible you are being overly sensitive due to past issues with her. I too only had one shower and we had to rush to gift opening because the restaurant we were at closed at 5 – so my shower was only a couple of hours long. When I attend showers I don’t plan to stay for more than a few hours but I always want to stay through gifts being opened – so I think on the face of it her suggestion seems reasonable especially if there were some guests that had to leave a little early. To me, it sounds like she was just thinking of your guests and making sure they got to see you open their gift before they had to leave, which doesn’t mean she was trying to cut your shower short. At our wedding we were having such a good time on the dance floor we didn’t realize what time it was and our DOC told use we needed to cut the cake because people would leave early – that didn’t bother me at all.
Post # 12
She probably knew of some people who did have to leave early and wanted to make sure they saw you open their present.
We didn’t have time for a lot of the games my MOH planned for our wedding shower and people really did have to leave. We had to move my shower along too so that it didn’t go on for hours and hours. As it was, it went on a long time, 3.5 hours.
As PP’s have said, we don’t know the tone or all of your relationship, so maybe she did mean more. What were other people’s reactions at the party to it?
Post # 13
I would actually agree that an hour and a half in is probably time to open presents etc…. some people do not want to attend these events for hours, but are courteous enough to know it is rude to leave until these things are done.
Intrinsically, there is nothing hurtful about what she said, IMO.
Post # 14
Also please try not to be upset that you were “only” able to have one shower. One shower really is plenty. They cost a lot of money and take a lot of work to put on, and it’s not fair to wish for someone (or several someones) to go through all of that more than once. Plus it gets a bit tiring for your social circle to hear of too many events related to your wedding.
Post # 15
From what you just wrote, I see it as her thinking of your guests, especially if your shower was already long at this point. Presents can take a long time to open so she might have been thinking of that. I would say try and let it go and just see it as her thinking of your guests and not trying to hurt your feelings.
Post # 16
I had one shower and thought that was plenty! I can’t imagine having more than one, unless alot of guests wanted to come but couldn’t (for example, geographical issues).