- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2016
Mom :Don’t ask my opinion on anything wedding related. I am not going to help you.
For any of you that read my To be or not to be Catholic thread, you know that for some time now I have been waffleing between getting Married Catholic or Methodist. Long story short, My family ( mom, uncles, so on) are all Catholic. Never truly realized how big of a deal this is until now. Dad is protestant. Fiance family, are somewhere in the religious amoeba land where they believe in God and Jesus but don’t prescribe to any “faith” His mom was raised Pentecostal, His dad is Methodist and they were married in the Methodist church. His Entire family is fairly anti- catholic, * see trigger words such as brain washed, and idol worshiping heathens*
Fiance Believes in God and Jesus and is fairly religious in his own way, but thinks that the denominations themselves just cause fights and bad feelings between people who are OF THE SAME FAITH *see: Christianity
I was raised Catholic but was never Confirmed, when I was 10 we were “babtised” Baptist in the highschool pool. We did that for about five years and then that fell by the way side.
So for the last 20 or so years of my life when ever someone asked me what I was I would say “ Catholic” but other than CCD classes , and every Sunday when I was younger, I Think I have gone to Mass 5 times in the last 7 years, 2 of which being with Fiance.
FIs mom and I were having a conversation the other day and she asked me to Consider other denominations other than Catholic to be married in. Her words were, “I know you are catholic, but all I am asking is that you look at other denominations before you make your decision, and if you still want to be married catholic, I will be fine with that and support you in it. “
I thought that was fair, and Fiance brought up the idea of being Methodist and having our Religion Prof. Dr. T Marry us ( who is in fact a Methodist minister). That Idea appeals to me, if olny for the simple fact that Dr. T has known us both for about 3 years fairly well, and when I need someone to talk to, I go to him. ( he kind of fills in the role of Priest for me)
I brought this conversation with Future Mother-In-Law with Mom yesterday and she LOST her mind on me. Saying in short , that I am changing who I am to please his family, and instead of being Myfirstname mylastname Hislastname, I am trying to be Myfirstname Hislastname. And that if I do not know who I am, and what relgion i want to be then i should not wear a crucifix around my neck. Many tears ensued from me. I thought about that and I felt that in that she was right, It was not Right for me to wear that if i was not wholeheartedly Catholic, so I put it on her necklace hanger so it did not get lost.
Well, today before I went to work my mom asked me what the problem was between me and her. I replied that I was not sure what she was talking about, since it was 9:00am and I was trying to get ready for work. She said that she saw the crucifix on the wall and that it was a slap in the face for her. i told her Ihad thought about what she had said to me, and i realized she was right. So i took off the crucifix, olny until i could figure out where my faith fell.
She then began” you are Catholic, i fought with the church to have you babtised because you in the eyes of the church were a bastard and i was not married” and if i wasn’t going to be married catholic what was the point of all of that. By this time I am in tears because she said some kinda snarky and hurtful things during this. I brought up the Babtist things, and she said “ I do not have to justify or explain that to you.”
Can you see why I am a little confused???
Longer story than I intended short, she finishes with “ Do not ask me of my opinion on anything wedding related. I will not help you. I don’t want to fight with you and this ( meaning my wedding in general) is causing a rift between me and you. “
I told her I did not see a rift and she said she did. And she is not going to help me plan my wedding so do not ask.
That hurts and still does. All over a thought that I had made clear that we were considering and not acting upon, because we didn’t see the harm in to looking. I knew there would be issues with the religion thing, but I thought that my mom would at least give me the same quarter that Future Mother-In-Law is.
Edit: and now we have passive agressive FB posts….
“If you question your core values the bend and change who you are on the little things for someone to love you more, and make them happy, are they in love with you or are they in love with the YOU that THEY want to create?”