- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I need to vent, so I apologize for the lengthiness of this in advance:
Background info: I am my mother’s only daughter. She is married to my stepdad, but doesn’t have the best relationship with him. She also retired from work this year after 30 years of teaching.
Before I became engaged last year, mom and I spoke pretty much every day, sometimes with not a lot to say but just to “check in” as she would put it. Once I got Mom involved with the wedding planning, she pretty much took off, putting her two cents in everything, which is fine, but wouldn’t stop until I told her I’d do whatever she said. Then she’d get upset when I’d make a decision by myself or with my now DH. For instance, when I went to the photographer walk through, she got really upset that she wasn’t invited when I told her that I wanted to do some of the planning with just me and DH.
Anyways, fast foward to the wedding: She was Mom-zilla. I was super relaxed and really didn’t care if something wasn’t exactly the way I wanted it. It was my wedding and I was going to enjoy it no matter what. She freaked out about the flowers and the photographer. Told me the flowers were ugly (they weren’t!!) and we ended up getting in an argument at my wedding about the photographer who Mom ended up yelling at in the middle of my reception..my sis (half sister) and BFF pretty much told her to leave me alone and chill out.
Needless to say, the photographer is a sore subject among me and mom. Last month, she came to my house to see the final pics and she had nothing positive to say. Just this is a stupid picture, why did they take a picture of this, etc. I just sat there and tried to ignore her, but it really hurt my feelings.
After the wedding, I tried to “wean” my mom off of talking to me everyday as I was adjusting to being a married woman myself and focusing on our new house. I just talked to her every other day. She freaked out at not talking every day, how she doesn’t feel connected to me anymore. Now, I work 12 hr shifts and at 8pm at night, after being up since 5am, I barely even feel like talking to DH, so it was more of a chore to talk to her and our everday converstions were anything but substantial and lasted maybe a minute. So I explained this to her but she didn’t get it. This made me resent our everyday phone calls even more.
So now, she refuses to call me and our conversations are not like they used to be. So I call her, probably every 3-4 days and chat.
I feel guilty for not talking to her every day, but I also really don’t have time to talk to anyone everyday. There are days where DH and I don’t really chat because of our work schedules! I just can’t get her to realize that my DH is my priority list now too.
Any insight would be appreciated. I just get so stressed thinking about this, and DH is no help 🙂