(Closed) Mom is not into weddings

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

could there be some sort of depression she is hiding–like empty nest syndrome or something else going on that is making her feel not supportive?


Post # 4
1104 posts
Bumble bee

@asianyoushi:  This is what I was thinking too, especially since you say she’s never been very cheerful. My mother isn’t into weddings either but I never felt like she didn’t care about the fact I was getting married, or that it was a burden, or anything like that. She happily came to see my dress, helped on some DIY stuff, came to my hens night, etc. I don’t think you have to be “into” weddings to enjoy the preparation with your own child. I hope you can figure something out with your mother, or else just enjoy the enthusiasm from others like friends and your Future Mother-In-Law ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Have any of your other relatives gotten married in your memory?  If so, what was her attitude to their weddings?  Some people are just not into weddings – even if they become mothers of the bride.  From what you said, it doesn’t seem like she would be overly enthusiastic in general.

Post # 8
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You mentioned your mother got married in a couthouse. Not everyone who doesn’t have a traditional wedding feels this way, but she probably thinks that weddings are a waste of time and money in general and can’t muster up any fake excitment over them. She probably is very happy for you and your brother for finding love, but this strikes me as a person who could care less about the tradition of getting married.

Post # 9
484 posts
Helper bee

Wow, is your mom Dutch by any chance? I’m marrying into a Canadian family who are quite big on the whole parties/showers/reception thing and are happy to talk about the wedding/celebrate the process. My mum, however, rolls her eyes and has taken a very nasty stance towards my inlaws, making snide comments whenever they are brought up. If I try to bring up any big events (such as, hey, guess what, we had a tasting and the food was great!) it gets really awkward. It has really sucked the joy out of wedding planning. In addition, my sister is getting married soon and I’m so tired of hearing my mother go on about how much fun the cake tasting was, how she’s discussing my sister’s hair with her and is so thrilled she’s getting married. *cries*

BUT, I was reading ‘A practical wedding’ which told me it’s ok to be upset if your mom is just not emotionally available, take some time to ‘grief’ (which I thought was a bit excessive, but I kind of get what she’s saying) and then move on to plan the wedding with your friends and Fiance. In the meantime, try to be there for your soon-to-be-sister-in-law, and fill the gap that your mother has left. When the time comes she’ll hopefully do the same for you, so you both have a good wedding planning time!

Post # 10
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

have you ever read A Practical Wedding (blog and book!) here is a post that might be helpful to you http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/02/surviving-wedding-planning-the-emotionally-absent-mother/ and read the comments too! there can be some really cool insights, or just other sympathetic stories just so you can feel a little less alone during your planning time. and i say do fun stuff with your FMIL! don’t feel guilty bc you want people around you who make you feel joy. thats what weddings are about anyway, spreading and feeling genuine joy ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I second (third?) the “A Practical Wedding” book suggestion. Reading it made me feel so much better about everything wedding related! The author is very eloquent, sometimes sassy, and SO encouraging. I have not read the blog much, but the book has helped me focus on what really matters to the wedding and to me Fiance and me. Hugs to you…

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