Post # 1
I asked my parents early on what they would like to contribute to our wedding and it wasn’t very much. So I told my mom to forget it- we would do our own thing that’s small. So she came back with more money 15K and then changed her mind ( she hardly ever keeps her word which has always been frustrating growing up) to 12K once she realized how much things cost and that I got some discounts.
My mom gave me $2500 and told me that she doesn’t give a “shit” what I do with it. Then she agreed to pay the venue another 10K and whatever is “leftover” is mine from the 10K that isn’t spent.
I appreciate her generosity, but her changing her mind and insulting me ( that I should be paying for it myself) hurts my feelings. My parents have more than enough money to contribute and my fiance and I will cover all the other costs: photography, video, flowers, dj, invitations, gift bags, favors, etc….but I would not spend my own money on a large wedding with all of our relatives, most of which she wants to invite/pay for.
But I am so sick of her changing her mind, controlling and verbally abusive nature. This is why I couldn’t stand growing up with her but yet I am torn whether it’s worth enduring this for another year. I know she loves me and she is well meaning at times but I really can’t stand dealing with her anymore. She can be very nasty and insulting. She has mentioned more than once that we are in our late 30’s and should pay for the wedding ourselves. Maybe true but rude. She wants all her friends and relatives there so I would never pay for that. Advice? ( Yes I know we can call the wedding off and do our own thing, but I am not sure if that’s what I want either)
Post # 3
I have seen some women here have family members say they will pay $XXXX, then when the time comes near the wedding~for whatever reason, they back out, and then the bride to be is on here, wondering how to pay for food at the last minute. If I was in this type of position, I think I would use gracefully accept whatever money is given as a contribution/gift -and plan to use it toward the honeymoon, pay for the wedding yourself, and/or compromise on the people invited, and not stress about it further. Just my 2 cents. I hope things work out well.
Post # 4
I would pay for it myself and have what I wanted. Honestly, it is your wedding and you should do what makes you and your fi happy.
Don’t let her control you and boss you around with “money contributions” because it will just make you miserible and most likely not everything will be what she wants or even what you would like. Sometimes, ppl don’t hold up their end of the bargain and than you will be stuck with the money pit. I wouldn’t allow myself to put into that position. We are paying for the wedding and have saved a certain amount. If my parents or his would like to contribute that is great, but I am certainly not holding my breath for the gift.
Post # 5
just be happy you have family that will help u financialy–I know she is some what rude but suck it up and save as much as you can, you will be happy u did. my family gave me nada for me wedding…count your blessings.
Post # 6
She could’ve definitely chose her words better but be happy she is paying. 🙂 My parents haven’t offered to pay a dime and I’m okay with it actually. That way I won’t have to listen to her tell me how things should be on MY wedding day, ya know? Good luck with that!
Post # 7
I would probably count the $2500 towards those family/friends that your mom wants included and then don’t plan on getting anything else. It sounds like she has burned you before, so be careful so you don’t get stuck. Family matters tied to money are problematical. I wish you the best.
Post # 8
If you are worried AT ALL that she won’t come through with the money, I would plan on paying for the wedding yourself, and not do a more expensive wedding than you can afford. Then, if she does come through with the money, you have a nice nest egg.