(Closed) Mom Issues

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

well, while i do think $800 for your cake seems rather steep, this is YOUR money, so it is really up to you.  i mean, it isn’t like you are asking her to shell out more than they offered to pay to finance the things you really want.  it is a very delicate situation, but if you can, i would find a nice way to phrase it, like, “we are sooo grateful for everything you are doing to help us with our dream wedding, and we are so lucky that we have the resources to be able to afford some of our dream vendors ourselves” or something like that.  she’s being negative, so turn that upside down by being extra positive.

Post # 4
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Don’t tell her what they cost. While I do think that $800 for a cake (for me) is a bit much, it’s your money like you said. She probably doesn’t see why it would be necessary. Lots of people won’t. It’s okay. I just wouldn’t discuss the actual cost of the vendors with her, it’s not necessary.

Post # 6
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

 Sounds like they offered to pay for the reception and she feels a little hurt that what they could offer doesn’t seem “good enough for you” so she’s having “where did I go wrong” feelings to mask that.

If you want things that are on the expensive side and you also want to include her in all the consultations, I think your only options are 1) ignore it or 2) talk to her about it

Post # 7
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@amw511s: I understand that you want her involved, but it comes with a price. You either don’t take her with you anymore (which really isn’t a big deal) or you deal with her ranting about how you spend your money. Maybe just take her on trips/consults that are reasonably priced in her mind? My mom has only been dress shopping with me and she still feels plenty involved because we come up with ideas together, talk about how we want such-and-such to be decorated and I text her pictures. I think you may be able to find a happy medium. Good luck. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d say, “Mom, I don’t feel comfortable discussing pricing with you for things that FI and I are paying for because you seem to comment on all of them – I want you there and for you to be able to be involved in all of this, but please let FI and I make decisions on costs for the parts we are paying for.”

If she has a fit, I’d stop bringing her. The other option is to tell the vendors ahead of time that you are bringing your mother and would prefer them to e-mail you costs after the consultation as you don’t want to discuss pricing in front of her. But I really don’t think your mom needs to be attending all of these meetings, my mom doesn’t and she still feels involved because afterwards I’ll stop by her house and show her pictures and stuff.

Post # 9
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s nice to know that other people are having similar problems!  My parents are making me feel like a brat/spoiled for wanting a sit down meal at my wedding.  Thankfully I haven’t accepted their money yet and my fiance and I can pay for it ourselves if necessary.

Post # 10
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@amw511s: Are you your parent’s only child or the 1st one to get married?

I think that you and your fiancee should do what you want as long as it is within your power to do. It sounds like you have a budget and things work out so it should be fine. I have found with my Mom and my Mother in Law that since I am the 1st child to get married in my family and my fiancee is his Mom’s only child, they are SUPER OPINIONATED and it is driving us a little crazy from time to time.

Keep your comminucation open with your fiancee and stick to your guns.

 

Good Luck!

Post # 11
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Stop telling her what things cost, or tell her “oh it’s very reasonable” and change the subject.

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ohh, I’m having the same problems. My parents gave me a dollar amount and then told me the list of everything they wanted to pay for. It basically made me feel like I had a budget with no give, even though me and FI can afford to help, they don’t want us to. Even worse, my mom gave me a list of the things that FMIL and FFIL should pay for, and was upset when thier dollar amount wasn’t enough to suffice for that list (which the list was ridiculous!). SOOOOO frustrating:(

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