Post # 1
Hello! I’m newly engaged and new to the forums so please bear with me!
I’m very excited, I can’t wait to tell everyone-but we are waiting until we can tell our parents in person. Mine live about 4hrs away so we will be waiting until next week. Cue the anxiety attack…
My mom is very non-traditional. She and my dad eloped and got married in a court house and never exchanged rings. I have no problem with that, to each his or her own. The problem is that my mom is very unsupportive about traditional mother-of-the bride things. I know this already because my sister got married 2 years ago and was very upset that my mom wanted little to nothing to do with helping her. We aren’t even talking financial, I mean she didn’t want to see the rings, help her find a dress, help her pick a venue, invitations -ANYTHING. If she asked my mom to help my mom would just say “Oh I”m not good with things like that” then change the subject! She wouldn’t even pretend to care about it.
I know from past events that she hates ceremonies, or traditions, even dragging her to a funeral is torture. So this isn’t anything new. However, when I see the Mom’s around me throwing engagement parties, helping dress shop-etc. it makes me feel like crying knowing that she won’t be there for me.
I want this to be an amazing happy time. I’m nervous to even tell her, not because she will dissaprove but because I really don’t think she will care much at all about it. Anyone else have an issue like this? I do have to say that his family is wonderful, and will probably step in to support me-but it embarasses me to always have to make excuses about why my mom won’t help with anything. Thanks for listening.
PS We are both 31, and each have a child from a previous relationship. This will be our first marriages and we couldn’t be more excited. We aren’t spring chickens are know what we want 😀 So if we do have to go this alone, we can!
Post # 3
@Ladylynx: *I’m* kind of like your mom :-/ I’m really not “into” pre-wedding festivities…at all. I’m not very sentimental and prefer to be more hands-off.
However, I can see why you are upset. The best advice I can give you is to just understand this isn’t a reflection on how much your mom loves you…this just isn’t her “thing.” I’m sure she isn’t trying to hurt you.
Everyone’s experience in wedding planning isn’t the same, and not everyone’s looks like the movies or magazines regarding showers and parties and emotional mother-daugther moments. That, unfortunately, is just life.
Maybe you can try to find one thing that might even sort of interest her, and she if she’d be willing to participate.
Post # 4
I think it’s good that you know this about your mom so you aren’t going in with any expectations that she’ll be giddy over your day, only to be crushed when it turns out she’s not interested.
My mom will appear disinterested in things that she doesn’t understand or in situations where she feels overwhelmed or uncomfortable. Maybe that’s how your mom feels.
Don’t judge your mom based on what other moms do. You want her to love you for who you are, right? Then you should also love her for who SHE is. Don’t burden her with wedding things you know she won’t understand or get excited about. Surround yourself with people who WILL get excited about a cake tasting and a bridal shower and enjoy your engagement. 🙂
Post # 5
I agree don’t force it. People are different and hard to change.
I was looking forward to the mother daughter moments in my wedding but instead we just fought. I was diaPpointed when I looked back but that’s human nature. I forgot that we always fought a lot when we get together!
Post # 6
@Ladylynx: Are you close with your sister? Maybe you and her can have a secret agreement to have her kind of be your “mom” in this?
Post # 7
Thanks for you input bees. I’m certainly not in the market for a magazine wedding, our budget will be under $2k most likely. It helps to have a free venue though! I just want everyone to be happy, and not expecting it to be a certain way or people to fill certain roles will help with my frame of mind I think. Nothing is ever perfect!
I think ya’ll have pegged my mom. She feels over her head and it’s just not something she really cares about so she blows me off. I don’t think she is trying to hurt my feelings. I just get sensitive about it when she won’t listen to me. Then changes the subject to how the cat missed the litter box again :/
I think my sister would love to help with that, but she’s preggers with her first and lives too far away. I think the situation is harder because I don’t live near any of my family either.