(Closed) Mom just harshed my DIY buzz…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Breathe… I am with you regarding some paper pomanders vs. real flower pomanders.

Even if she doesn’t like the idea, it ok. The great news is that you are excited and you should do it! Stand you ground and but those Atlas from ebay!

Post # 4
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I feel your pain. My mom isn’t so bad but my grandmother is the worst! She’s still stuck in 1954 lol.

I want to do a DIY monogram aisle runner and she immediately nixed the idea. Said she’d never even heard of an aisle runner! I reminded her that the last wedding she attended was almost 10 years ago and that it was my aunt’s impromptu second marriage at a court house. I’m still going ahead with my monogramed aisle runner, I’m sure when she sees it she’ll like it.

The same goes for you, don’t let your mom put down your ideas if you’re genuinely excited about them. 

BTW, I really like your map idea. What other things are you incorporating it into??

Post # 5
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry you don’t feel excited about it anymore, but what about you just doing the liners? That would be a great compromise between you and your mom 🙂

Post # 6
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh, I can SOOOOO relate. My mom just generally enjoys shooting down my ideas–we have a somewhat complicated relationship–and I haven’t even been very DIY buzzed, but she has shot down every single thing that I have proposed or mocked up, even if everyone else loves it. There are three ways that I deal with it, none of which are terrible constructive, but save everyone a lot of grief:

1. I tell her about projects when other people, like the bridesmaids or my FMIL, are around. They get all excited and then she’s more reluctant to sound like an extravagantly mean wet blanket around them and is more likely to let my ideas pass unscathed.

2. I, um, highlight which parts of the project my FI worked on, because she likes him more than me and wouldn’t diss anything he did if it were a DIY project (even if his contribution was to copy and paste something or suggest a tweak, I just play it up)

3. I just don’t tell her about them. It’s not ideal but it allows me to do projects that I really care about and know will come out well without having her completely ruin it for me.

Post # 7
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I just wanted to add that I know you girls will look back on these issues with your mom with love later on in life. I don’t have a mom, and I wish that I had her here with me to argue with and offer advice.

Post # 8
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My mom stays silent. It’s my sister who’s the Debbie Downer in my family. She really wanted me to make homemade jam, but when I realized how much it would cost in time and money between picking (she wanted to pick it all ourselves!!!), paying for all the fruit, buying the rest of the ingredients, buying the jars, making all the jam, then doing little jam skirts and tags for everything, oh my gosh. I decided to do homemade caramel instead, which will be far easier and cheaper. My sister was really upset with me!!! Like I don’t think she would come help, she’s so upset about it. It’s so bizarre!!! Would I rather spend 5 days and $700, or one afternoon and $100… Hmmmmm let me think……………. Whatever. Another one of my BM is super excited to help with the caramel so she and I are going to do it together, forget about my sister and her sourpuss about it 😉

My dad is a bit like your mom in that he thinks I’m doing all this DIY to save money. He keeps telling me it’s perfectly fine to spend money on my wedding, it’s why they money is there. LOL! It’s very sweet. I think though coming from a dad it sounds less like a criticism and more like permission. I think just being clear with your mom that you enjoy the DIY aspect, it’s not about time or money or effort, then maybe she’ll come to understand. I think mom’s are protective of their girls and they just want us brides to relax and enjoy everything, rather than adding 10 extra projects and therefore, 10x more stress to our plates.

Post # 10
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. It is the anniversary of her passing this weekend, so I am just going through a rough time missing her. I thought if I put it in writing it might help me be less teary. I know moms can be extremely frustrating. Mine sure was, but I still miss her. I am glad you have a fabulous relationship with your mom. It is very important, and I know she appreciates your closeness very much.

Post # 11
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@diplomatswife: Honestly, I had a bit of a giggle at your post.  I am also lining my envelopes and everyone I have told about it either a. stares at my blankly because they have no idea what envelope liners are or b. thinks I am crazy for taking on such a project.  I think your mom honestly meant well with what she said.  But because she doesn’t read Wedding Bee as much as you do, she probably doesn’t “get” the envelope liner thing.  Just go ahead and do them – I love the map idea, they will look fantastic!

Post # 13
Member
10369 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t pay someone to do envelope liners. Seriously – it’ll take you longer to find someone to do it than it will to do it yourself, especially if you want something as specific and awesome as vintage atlas paper! It took me one evening to do my 60 invites. This is a completely manageable task!

Post # 14
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t worry about it too much. I think it’s hard for people unfamiliar with the world of wedding blogs to understand that there’s some pride in DIYing – you get to have something that is uniquely your own.

My FI said the same thing about our DIY invites which I worked on for 3 months – “I’ll pay for whatever you want so you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to” – but I WANTED to, I was excited about them and I love how they look.

Don’t let her get you down – she probably just wants to save you the trouble but doesn’t realize it’s all those little handcrafted details that make your wedding your own.

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