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Mom keeps buying gifts

posted 1 week ago in Newlyweds

 
1.
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
bvig   September 2009  wedding in NJ

So since we've gotten married we get a lot of small gifts from my parents.  Not wedding gifts but 'just because' gifts.  Like I saw a bathmat on sale that doesn't match your bathroom but I still got it for you.  Or I know you just had a wedding and got about 10,000 towels but these towels were on sale and you can never have enough towels.  I feel ungrateful but it's just wasted money even if the things are on sale.  And when she asks how I like it then I feel like the bad daughter when I say well everything else is blue and green in the bathroom so the salmon/burnt orange rug stands out.  She doesn't get mad but sighs and ends the conversation quickly.

We don't have the biggest place to keep stashing all these extra things and I don't want to just toss stuff in the garbage. But telling her hurts her feelings and doesn't stop the gifts.

How do I stop these unwanted gifts and did this happen to anyone else?

 
2.
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Worker bee
Opus     

This reminds me of what an aunt of mine used to do. She'd buy everything she could find on sale, mostly things like soap and shampoo, and gift it to everyone else in the family. It stopped when my other aunt sent her pictures of their cupboard full of bath products that had never been used!

Can you find a nice way to tell your mom that you're out of space with all the wonderful wedding gifts you received? 

 
3.
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291 posts
Helper bee
whitesonnet   June 26, 2010  Detroit, MI

I know this might seem really snide, but you can tell her you don't have room for those things now, but maybe in the future and ask her if you can store them at her house. My parents hate me storing anything at their place, so by asking that, it lets her know that you don't have any more room for things like that.

Or you can sit her down sometime when she isn't giving you a gift and flat out tell her that although her gifts are nice gestures, at this point you don't have room for extras or just in case things and ask her to limit her gift giving to holidays and birthdays.

 
4.
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881 posts
Busy bee
MissAsB   June 6, 2009  Huntsville, AL

I agree with whitesonnet but it might end up backfiring in that she does store it and then gives it you later!  My dad just moved out of his main house and sent me 19 boxes of unknown stuff!

 
5.
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
Valhalla   June 26, 2010  Vancouver, British Columbia

Oh wow. It's like our moms were separated at birth! Boy do I get where you are coming from.

My parents house is filled to the brim with trinkets and other useless items. My mom is the queen of going on sites like Craigslist and Kijiji and buying stuff she thinks other people needs or that she "needs" herself. Therefore, Mom has a difficult time understanding my seemingly "minimalist" lifestyle!

I talked to her about it until I was blue in the face. One Christmas she bought me a flatware storage chest. I don't even have enough silverware for FI and myself, let along extra to put in in a flatware chest! Sometimes its like you are facing a losing battle.

Try and explain to her politely that you have enough of x,y,z right now, and be sure to say how much you appreciate her efforts. Tell her how much you love her :). And honestly, if she doesn't listen to you, give some of the stuff away to Goodwill. It doesn't make you a bad person - especially if you live in a small living space.

 

 
6.
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Buzzing bee
rosychicklet   September 27, 2008  Boston, MA

Well first of all- don't toss them in the garbage!  Donate them to Goodwill or a local homeless shelter or something- they often need stuff like bathtowels for their clients.

My mom has done stuff like this- including grocery items like toilet paper and Hamburger Helper and I just say, "Mom- you know that we have grocery stores in our state, right?  This is too much!  If I need something I'll let you know."

And I would just bite the bullet when you don't like it/can't use it and say, "Do you have the reciept?  Because I really don't think we can use that, so I'd prefer if you just held on to your money."

 

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