(Closed) Mom not involved, not inviting her boyfriend

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1385 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am in the same situation, I literally DRUG my mother to the bridal shop to approve a gown, and am constantly begging her to look at any invitation ideas, etc. I’ve just learned that she’s really just not that excited about weddings. I’m sorry but I hope you find someone else who can offer that motherly help. My Future Mother-In-Law is amazingly fun and loves all the decisions and colors etc. She’s happy to be involved.

Post # 5
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Oh I wouldn’t worry with having her to help you. I haven’t had much help with any for my wedding and if you read other posts on here you’ll find you’re not alone.  Look at it this way, no fights with mom over what color flowers you’ll have etc.!

As for the boyfriend if they’ve been together long then you can’t really exclude him.  I’m sorry you don’t like him. Believe me I understand. My parents are divorced and I really didn’t like the spouses either for quite some time. 

Good luck

Post # 6
7054 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Hugs to everybody here w/mom issues.  Count me in.

@Ms2010, don’t worry.  You won’t be the first bride here who has had mom problems.  Do you have a sister or bff or your future mil to go shopping with and planning with?  My FI’s mom is amazing and she wants to get very involved.  She can’t wait for planning and helping with the rehearsal dinner (it’s already planned, but I’m going to involve her in the food choices and she’s excited about that and doing the tables).  I hope she’ll go dress shopping with me too soon.

It’s sad when moms suddenly aren’t like a mom anymore isn’t it.  I have no idea why this happens.  I’m a mom and like heck I’d ever stay out of my son’s life, I will love to be a part of his wedding some day and can’t wait to one day be a grandmother either! (now that’s thinkin’ ahead).  It just baffles me why some moms do this disconnect with their grown children.

In my mom’s case, it was after my dad died she started acting like she was 15..  She began almost immediatley after dating a guy who was her hs sweetheart and he’s somewhat of a jerk too.  Somewhat shifty imho.  When her elderly parents (this was 9 years ago) said they didn’t like him when she was 18 and they didn’t like him now when he was 66, she kinda cut everybody out of her life as a protest or something.  Nuts.  I can for sure tell you, that no man on earth could keep me from being involved in my childs’ life!     

My mom is non-existant in our lives as of right after New Year.  She hasn’t come to see us in quite a few years, and didn’t really want us (my sis or I) coming to visit either b/c apparently she’s living w/her bf and didn’t want anybody to know..including her parents who she hasn’t seen in years and they are in poor health.  I even offered to fly her in town and the last time she came to see me was on my own dime, and I flew her in to where I was vacationing (GA coast) and she basically had a free vacation and never spent a dime for an entire week. 

She recently did something that is downright despicable and I forgive her, but it’s made things so tense b/w her, myself and my sister (she did this to my sis and I) and we probably won’t have her at our wedding.  Let’s just say that family doesn’t do this to one another, but she did.   What she did to us was so hurtful I won’t even write about it here. 

Post # 7
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My mom isnt involved either, she’s been married 3 times and single now and doesnt believe in love or marriage at all.  She actually told me never to talk to her about any of my wedding stuff, bummers!!!!

Post # 8
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this and I really hope you find a solution that works. If you do decide to have the wedding, I would caution against not inviting your mom’s boyfriend though—or at least, really think through what the consequences might be. People take wedding invitations really seriously, and the closest to the couple feel they deserve the most favors. Unfortunately you also have to interact with those closest to the couple after the wedding is over. Good luck.

Post # 9
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Some mothers are just not good wedding planners. Mine is extremely stressful to deal with, so I usually don’t. Can you talk to his mom, or to a friend?

In any event, I am sure you cannot get around inviting your mother’s boyfriend, codependent or not. I think you will give yourself unnecessary extra grief to even try, and you wouldn’t be in the right–that would be super rude!

Post # 10
8 posts
  • Wedding: April 2007

I agree with the others who suggest finding a good friend to fill in as a motherly type figure for wedding planning.  I have a many good friends who substitute as a mother for me, because my own mother is so incredibly wacky. {hugs}

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