Post # 1
The important details:
I live across the country from the venue, in a state where it’s just FI and myself, so, no help on DIY projects.
It is a casual wedding, so the costs aren’t high, pretty tight budget.
This morning I was venting to my Mom about how stressed I was, and how I wish I had help, and I miss her and my sisters, and this has turned out to be a pretty lonely process.
So, she said “Why don’t I just give you whatever money you want, and you and FI can elope?”
I’m torn on this, because, while I do want the wedding I’m planning, it has honestly been a headache, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it stressed me out. And I have thought of scrapping it and just getting the job done. But, I think ultimately, I’ll regret it, and so, even though I know she was trying to allieviate my stress, I just sort of feel like, why should I bother with all the details, if even my Mom is willing to not be there to see it happen?
I think it’s been a nasty day, but I’m definitely not feeling the spirit with which that comment was intended.
Post # 3
I am sorry you are having problems. I think your mom was just trying to make you happy. I am doing everything myself and I like it that way, even though I get stressed at times too. When that happens to me, I just step away from everything wedding for a few days, then it all gets better again.
Post # 5
@Quietserenity: I feel the same way. Seems like no one is remotely interested, so why should I stress myself out and spend a ton of money if no one cares? I love being creative and plannign, but it’d be nice if someone else appreciated all my efforts!
Also today is Monday and Monday sucks and I think this particular Monday had like, some bad juju or something, as it’s left me wanting to take a bath and crawl into bed at 730pm.
I agree with noritake22, take a break from it for a few days. Try not to think or read (haha, yeah right, I know I’m addicted to WB) about weddings, and I bet you’ll feel refreshed and ready to tackle some more projects!
Post # 6
If after a few days of thinking about it, you’re still considering eloping (and your FI is okay with it), I would go for it. However, I would still throw a “newlywed” party for the family – basically a lot more low key than the wedding you were planning. Maybe a picnic theme or family come bring food etc. I wouldn’t worry about decorations and timelines, etc, – just a low key party to enjoy being newlyweds with your family.
Post # 7
Your mom may have just been saying that to make you happy or to let you know that you had other options. She may not have meant that she wasn’t interested or didn’t want to be there. I would ask her what she really meant if it bothers you.
As far as the planning being a headache…yep, I agree. If I knew then what I know now, I probably would have considered a destination wedding with whoever wanted to pay their own way to come. But when the day actually comes and all the planning and misery comes into place, then it will be worth it. Until then, I think it’s all a big pain in the you know what.
If you think that you will regret not having that big, special day, then stick with it. It will get better. And in the end, it will all be worth it. Don’t let it all stress you out and try to stay focused on the fact that you are planning this because you love your FI more than anything and can’t wait to start a life with him.
I hope things get better.
Post # 9
My mom offered the same thing to me (but I wasnt venting or stressed)…she just offered it as an option because (in her words) our family “tends to ruin things.” lol – I would love to take her up on it, but FMIL would never forgive us!
I’m sorry that you’re feeling stressed and are a little hurt by your mom’s reaction. I’m sure she really was just trying to offer a good solution for your stress about trying to plan from across the country (I cannot even imagine long-distance planning!)
If it’s really bugging you, just talk to her about it (not in a confrontational way). I’m sure she would be bummed out and little sad to miss your wedding, but ultimately she is your mom and just wants you to be happy and enjoy your wedding. You might even try to casually bring it up by saying something like:
I’m almost considering taking you up on your offer, but I’m worried I would regret it and want to include family, especially since we live so far apart…
and see what she says. If she’s generally supportive of you, I’m sure she is excited to share your big day, but is willing to give that up if it means you can relax and stop stressing about planning for the next 2.5 months.
Good luck – the advice above is good – sometimes it helps to step back from the planning madness and just enjoy some time doing something you enjoy or spending time with people you care about (close friends, fiance, etc.)
Post # 10
My mom says the same thing. I’m starting to think this is a pretty normal response from parents.
When we first got engaged she said- your can expect $5k contribution towards the wedding from me and your dad. It is your choice what you do with that money. Have a fancy small wedding, have a less fancy large wedding, have a destination wedding, elope and spend the money on a down payment for a house- whatever you want.
In addition to the wedding money, my parents also paid for our honeymoon as a gift to us. The honeymoon is also $5k and this one was not negotiable. She said the best part of getting married is the honeymoon and she wanted to make sure we had a chance to take a great trip. We are going to Europe and have never been- could not be more excited.
Wedding planning has been relatively stress free for us, and I think that is largely in part to my mother always giving us the option- we are free to use that money however we want. We chose to have a small wedding in our hometown, but most importantly it was our choice and no one else’s.