- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Warning: long, ranty post!
Let me start off by saying my parents and I have a strong relationship, and a pretty healthy one. I’m an only child so sometimes they get too attached, but they’ve gotten a lot better over the years.
Lately my mom and I can’t agree on anything. It’s getting to the point where I’m considering eloping rather than dealing with planning a wedding with her. She tells us it’s all about what we want, but then reneges that as soon as it disagrees with anything she thinks. I wanted a date of September 1st, she moped for a few days and cried when discussing it because it was too near the start date of the school year (she works at a school) and she wouldn’t be able to take time off work. I think that’s bullshit (for your daughter’s wedding, you can’t take time off?) but continued on.
We chose a new date of October 13. It’s already booked. We are thinking now October 20, a Sunday. I made an entire timeline for the event, with cake cutting at 7:00 and ending at 9:00 so that most people wouldn’t have to take a day off work afterwards and could get home at a reasonable time. She thinks that’s way too late, and says it should be from 2-7. This leaves me with almost no time to get hair and makeup done (things open late on Sundays…) and no time for little “oh crap, I forgot x” moments, so I finally said I would compromise and do 3-8. She immediately asks why I’m changing it, and says that I’m just going to hate her forever for making me change everything, my fiance will think she’s mean, etc. She does these moves that she knows I’m going to consider, then acts the victim when I either change my mind or get angry, and she either cries or challenges me to do what I want.
She then brings up that people go back to the bride’s parents’ house afterwards to open gifts. I say that eliminates any benefit of ending it early, and say not everyone has to do that, and that after a long 5-hour wedding, I want to relax with my new husband and not worry about presents immediately. She thinks no one does this, until her friend said they didn’t open presents until after the honeymoon, and suddenly it’s fine in her book. She refuses to believe anything I say is actually a trend, or how weddings are done now, until she hears it from another source.
Last night she and my dad actually held the money over my head, saying that if they’re paying for it they should get a choice in the matter. I don’t disagree, but I thought it was low of them to remind me (I certainly never forget!) that they’re paying for it. I’m being much more budget conscious than they are (they said a $1200 dress would be ok, they want to do something that’s $90/pp, etc).
At 10:30 last night when we finally said the times were from 3-8, she brought up another issue. I only want two options for dinner, a chicken entree and a silent vegetarian one. I want people to be able to sit where they want, with whoever they want, and I don’t really want to put in the hours to make a seating chart and namecards and count all those RSVP choices. I like simplicity and I want my wedding to reflect that. This is still $70/pp, and I have heard rave reviews about the food at my venue. She thinks it’s crazy to not give people a choice. There are also 3 different h’ors d’oeuvres being served beforehand. I see no problem in serving everyone chicken – it’s a good quality meal, they get to pick h’ors d’oeuvres, they get cake, etc. People don’t go to a wedding for the food. I don’t even remember what I ate at a wedding six months ago. I am still giving people a nice meal. This is what my fiance and I both want. I think people would rather have to eat chicken than us have no wedding, but if issues like this keep resurfacing we aren’t going to have one.
She is also not setting a very good impression as a Mother-In-Law right now. My fiance’s parents have been nothing but encouraging, they added one extra person to the guest list that we hadn’t considered. His sister talks to me about the wedding frequently, and they haven’t made any requests, even though it will be 2.5 hours away from them.
I can’t imagine going through another year of planning like this, and new issues will continue to crop up. I’ve been planning my wedding since July, and this is how far we’ve gotten. Don’t even have a venue yet. I don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore, because it won’t be my wedding, it will be some nasty amalgamation of what I want intermixed with what she wants. She already had her wedding, but her parents planned most of hers, so she thinks that she is supposed to do the same thing. She refuses to accept that times have changed and the bride and groom have a lot more say in what happens! I’m tired of arguing and trying to compromise with her. It’s my opinion that if the bride and groom are happy, the wedding goes well. If I’m stressed the entire time because nothing is how it’s supposed to be, the whole wedding will be stressed. This is starting to damage our relationship – we used to fight, but rarely. In the last few months there have been more, and they have all been wedding-related. I just want it to stop.