(Closed) Mom Problems

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@therobbo91:  You are going to have a lot of Bees tell you that if they are paying they have some say.

I disagree. Money is a gift.

At this point, I would have a firm talk with your mother and tell her who is the bride and you have the final call on everything.

If they won’t listen, I would find another way to finance the wedding or  just elope.

Post # 4
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I am having a destination wedding before Christmas in the middle of the week.  If my mother, a teacher, can take a whole week off.  So can yours.

Post # 5
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

Is there ANY way at all you and your Fiance can pay for it yourselves? Using money as leverage is rude. I hate passive aggressive, victim crap. It will just get worse if you feed into it so I think you need a way to nicely call her out. Like last night, when your dad said they should have a say, you should have listed off all the ways you have accommodated you mom and asked exactly what else you should do on your day to make her happy.

Post # 6
45 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had to deal a lot with my Mom’s expectations as well- including the fact that she was my scout when we had to book a venue site unseen and she completely ignored the questions and desires/restrictions notes I sent her with.  I felt like I had to sell her on every single decision I made that was not consistent with what she had imagined from the cake topper, to the online RSVP, to the guest trivia game in the program, to taking  first-look and formal pics before the ceremony.  In the end, she was happy with all the decisions I made and had fun telling her friends about all the details like showing EVERYONE pictures of the cake topper.  I was happy, but it still drove me nuts!!

I don’t think your mom means to be so difficult, she’s just probably been dreaming of this day for over 20 years, assumably waaaaay longer than you have, so the plans in her mind are much more concrete.  I thought my mom was going to veer of the road when I told her we were sending out the invites 10 weeks before the wedding, not 6-8 weeks like they are “supposed to be.”

I like your idea of chicken and a vegetarian option.  Would she feel better if the veggie option wasn’t silent?  Everyone knows that is really an option, so maybe make everyone feel better with the presentation of a choice.  You’ll have to inform the caterer of vegetarians anyways.  


Post # 7
22 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

I understand your frustration!  I’ve been engaged for less than a week and have already fought with my mom over wedding-related things (colors especially!).  It’s sad to say that before I was even near engaged I often had a feeling of dread when I thought planning my future wedding.  This of course is due to my mother’s “control freak” personality.  She is very opinionated and outspoken and unfortunately her approval is something I’m constantly seeking–no matter what the issue is.  If we disagree on things, I tend of overreact when I want to get my own opinion across and of course this hurts her feelings and then I feel bad.  I am a people pleaser and would put my own happiness aside for anyone else in a heartbeat and probably be okay with it…but I think during this wedding planning process I’m going to have to learn to stick up for myself.

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