Post # 1
Hey all, just want to vent: I’ve only been engaged for 2 days and my sister/MOH and I are already really annoyed with my mom. Basically the only planning we’ve done is decide on the wedding party and a general date range (Sept or Oct 2010). My sister & I are really excited and want to start looking for wedding dresses ASAP. My mom refuses to go saying it’s too early to look, even though we’re just looking for fun. She also won’t let me go without her (i tried to get my sister to come with me anyway but she doesn’t want to get in trouble). She also is very vocal about not liking the idea of a fall wedding (because of other stuff going on in our lives, that’s the only time we can get married unless we waited until 2012), and she keeps telling me my bridesmaid selections are “causing drama” (my sister, other bridesmaids, and I have no idea what drama she’s referring to). The worst part is she was talking about this stuff at the engagement party my future in-laws threw us last night, so pretty much everyone we know knows her opinions on our plans.
I don’t know what her deal is! She loves my fiance and seemed really excited when we got engaged, so I don’t think it’s that. I bought her The Knot’s Guide for the Mother of the Bride, so hopefully reading that will give her some guidance on how to act at least remotely sane. ARGH!
Post # 3
Ok. First. Step back. Take a breath. Calm down.
I think the most stressful parts of planning are when you have no plans yet.
This is your wedding. Don’t worry about “getting in trouble” with your Mom. That goes for your Sister too. If you want to start looking at wedding dresses, do it. If you want ot start looking at venues even though your mom says its too soon (it isn’t) – do it. Come back armed with ideas and actual information, such as dates available at sites you are interested in and prices.
It’s only been two days. Just relax. Things will get easier. They are the most stressful right in the beginning (and right at the end, or so I’m told).
Post # 4
I’m sorry your Mom is being difficult. I agree that you should get married now instead of 2012, don’t wait just b/c your Mom doesn’t think it’s a good time of year. And from now on, keep decisions like the bridal party to yourself. I know you’re really excited, but it’s harder for her to complain or say negative things about it after it’s set in stone like they’ve all been asked and agreed.
Have a heart to heart with her in a few days and say that you wish she could be happier for you and more supportive, but either way you’re getting married this fall so decisions need to be made now in order to accomplish that. If she can’t make herself available for dress shopping, she’ll just have to see pictures.
Post # 5
I’d say just be “stupid and cheerfull” with your mom. When she says your Bridal party is going to cause drama, just chuckle and say “O mom your so funny” and let it be. Try not to let her get under you skin, which I know can be hard.
Post # 6
Honestly, it sounds like maybe your mom is just a little overwhelmed right now. If you just got engaged two days ago, she might not be really ready to start wedding planning yet. That, combined with the holidays, might make wedding planning seem more stressful than exciting/fun right now. Maybe give her a little time (after the new year?) without wedding talk, and then approach her again. After she has a bit of time to let the engagement sink in (and recover from the holidays), she might be more open to helping you with planning (and be excited about it! 🙂
Post # 7
Sorry you’re having issues with your mom! If you’re getting married next September or October, it’s definitely time to start looking for dresses. Maybe your mom thinks you should make some of the bigger decisions first, like booking a venue or a photographer? I would think that’s probably more important right now than looking at dresses.
My family was also not happy with the date we set and wanted us to wait (we also would have had to wait till 2012 otherwise!), but they are all fine with it now. It just takes time to get used to a big decision, I think.
Why can’t you go dress shopping with your other BMs if your mom won’t go? I went with my friends and had a pretty good idea of what I wanted before I brought my mom with me to see the dress.
Post # 8
Thanks for the advise everyone! I think I’m not going to mention anything about the wedding until after Christmas so hopefully she’s less stressed. I set up appointments to look at a couple locations next week on days I know she’ll be off work, so hopefully she’ll be calmer by then and will want to come.