(Closed) MOM related vent…

posted 7 years ago in Dress
  • poll: How much mama drama
    Everythings peachy! : (3 votes)
    19 %
    I find myself biting my tounge... : (6 votes)
    38 %
    We have issues we are working on! : (5 votes)
    31 %
    We dont talk... : (2 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 5
    Member
    4774 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    My mom was like that.  I think she had a vision that she wanted her daughter to be and I wasn’t it.

    Don’t have any advice, I just know it sucks.

    Post # 6
    Member
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I have a lot of similar issues with my mother although she tends to be more passive aggressive about it. I’ve just learned that if I am truly excited about something (engagement, job interview etc.) that I call my Dad or someone else who I know will share my excitement. Then when I tell my Mom the news I know not to expect an overly positive reaction and when I do get it then I take it as a nice surprise and try to enjoy the moment. Mine just always finds something to criticize or goes out of her way to make negative comments. All that was just to say that I understand how you feel and the best thing you can do is manage your expectations and find others to rely on for what you are missing. Good luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    4774 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Miss Sardine:

    She’s passed.

    It kinda sucks but when she was dying (cancer) during thoes months our relationship was the best it’s ever been casue she stopped criticising everything I did, I guess she had more important things to think about and we actually had a relationship.  She even told me she didn’t regret me (what she told me a few times before) and that she loved me (first time ever).

    I know it’s bad and would like her to be at my wedding but honestly I can’t see me having the wedding I’m having if she was alive.  She always told me she wouldn’t want to spend any money on it becasue it would be a waste.  My dad on the other hand, I think wants me to have a really beautiful great wedding.

    So like I said I have no advice.

    Post # 11
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011 - Mackinaw Valley Vineyard; Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts

    It sounds like she is an opinionated and outspoken woman, which can be a great thing if you agree with her and a pain in the ass if you disagree.  Have you told her how her reactions make you feel?  She might not change her ways, but it might make you feel better, even if your ideas are not validated.

    Stay strong and share with those who support you no matter what!  

    Post # 12
    Member
    1048 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Why don’t you tell her how you feel?

    Post # 14
    Member
    301 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

         I totally feel for you. My mom and I used to be super super close but the older that I get, the more resentment I have towards her. When I was 7 or 8 she left my dad for my now stepdad. My dad was heartbroken and as a kid he would call and cry into the answering machine and my mom would just make us do nothing but listen. She wouldn’t let us talk to him. She also made up a horrible lie about him. After all this had happened, I was still super close to her in highschool but then I moved out and we started talking less. She would make up excuses to always be with my stepdad and then I started thinking more and more about how she treated the divorce and the more I think about wanting kids, the more I can’t imagine doing this to them and then I start to have horrible resentment towards her.

         I can understand wanting her to act more involved in your wedding and just showing a general interest. My mother and I just got into an argument about this because I myself confronted her about it. I told her that I just want her to ask how plans are going and everything. I thought I was finally doing good to tell her how I felt. I thought she was going to start calling and offering to help me make things and all but she hasnt. In fact, she has called even less and only calls to talk about something depressing that has happened to her or to talk about something negative. I wish I could tell you that it will be good to confront her but I can’t because I tried it with my own mother and it didn’t work. But maybe your mom will be different and will change her ways for you.

        Also, my mom also has no relationship with her own mother and she is now doing that to me just as you said your mom fights with her mom. I think we need to learn how to break that before we have kids someday. You can only try so hard with your mom, as I have learned. There comes a point when you just have to let by gones be by gones and let whatever happens….happens. I am slowly gettting over the fact that my mother and I will never be close again and am starting to accept that. I wish I could give you better advice and more optimistic advice but some people never change. I would at least try to talk to her though because after I told my mom how I fealt, I still fealt better knowing that i got it off my chest and she could do what she wanted with it. Good luck. Wish I could give you a big hug!

    Post # 15
    Member
    46141 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It’s really hard when our mothers don’t live up to the image we have in our heads. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

    We do have to remember though that there isn’t a mother in the world who came with an instruction book. Most of them do the best they can with the skills and knowledge they have and how their own history has affected them.

    Instead of regretting what you don’t have, try to find things about your mother that you can appreciate or at least just accept her for who she is. She’s far from perfect but she’s the only mother you have.

    Learn to love yourself and you will need less validation from your mother.

    The topic ‘MOM related vent…’ is closed to new replies.

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