Mom say "You're Fat"?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

I wouldnt even talk to my mom if she talked to me like that.

Post # 4
Hostess
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’re not.

My mom has told me negative things about myself as far back as I can remember. Anywhere from “you’re fat” to, “your friend is going to be so much prettier than you when you’re older”.

Seriously, she actually told me those things.

Of course, it led to a pretty big depression, and because it was my MOTHER saying those things, I thought [at the time] it must have been true. Talk about low self esteem.

At about age 19 or so, I finally confronted her about all the mean things she said, and her basic reply was that she was trying to stop me from getting a large chip on my shoulder, and that I turned out to be a “lovely woman” because of it.

What? I now struggle with my weight like no freaking other and it’s taken me MANY many many years to realize that I’m not as hideous as I felt.

Thanks, Mom.

Post # 5
Member
3250 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I can relate. My Mom has made comments about my weight from age 8 to present. She has other issues and has also denied saying things that I know she has said to me. No advice on what to do or how you could respond to it, but I understand.

Post # 6
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@KoiKove:  Jeez.. sounds like it’s a blessing in disguise that she doesn’t want a relationship with you.. get that negativity out of your life, FAST! And try to put her comments out of your mind. If your struggling with infertility you have much more important things to occupy your mind. *HUGS*

Post # 7
Member
2018 posts
Buzzing bee

@KoiKove:  When I was at my largest, my mom wrote me letters complaining about how I look under the guise of being concerned for my health.  I mean, I’m sure that she was concerned to some extent, but I knew her real concern was that, as a fat girl, I reflected poorly on her. 

And the same woman wonders why I don’t put myself out there to date or feel as though I have any hope of ever finding a spouse.

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My mom and I have an unusual relationship.

We are very close now AND she has always made these comments though I am, and always have been, a healthy weight. Ironically, she is very overweight. I think she thought she was trying to help by telling me I look pudgy or am wearing too low cut of a top (she has always been critical of my appearance and is a very conservative dresser).

This hit me the hardest as a teen and consequently I was OBSESSED with dieting. I was just talking about this with FI about how I had to come to terms with my body image (it’s no news to him, but we were talking about it), and I told him literally every diary entry I read back then was all about dieting. It makes me sad/sick that I spent so much energy on it because it was so distroted. I don’t thinks my mom knew it impacted me in the way it did and if she did, I think she would regret it and feel remorse. 

She doesn’t make many of those comments anymore. When she occasionally does, I don’t take them to heart anymore and I just shrug them off. I finally have a healthy relationship with myself and the way I view my body, so it doesn’t affect me anymore.

I will say it is something that has always gotten in the way of our relationship and I think is a missing converstaion we never had. It tugs at me at times when I think about it, like this, and partially wish I could express how it hurt me. Since I’m over it now for the most part, it doesn’t feel worth the trouble mentioning. 

Post # 9
Member
929 posts
Busy bee

@KoiKove:  “So now she has decided that she doenst want to have any relationship with me anymore, because I’m so crazy that I make all this stuff up. (Emotional Blackmail much?)”


Sounds like a bonus for you, not having to put up with her anymore! 🙂 

Post # 10
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My mother hurt her back, developed a perscription drug problem, lost a ton of weight due to it, and now takes every chance she can to tell me I’m fat, I’m getting bigger, I’m not good enough to my Fi, she doesn’t know why FI deals with my bitchy attitude.

Then on a good day, shows up at my door asking to borrow 600$ for her Christmas shopping because shes broke.

I’m adopted and really never had much of a relationship with her, I can’t even remember a serious conversation with her or any emotional help I’ve gained from her. My dad has always been everything to me parent wise, he painted my nails, cut my hair, gave me the period talk.  

You’re probably better off not having a relationship with her in my opinion. I plan on severing all ties with mine once we move out of town. Someone that causes that much pain and hurt in your life isn’t worth your time in my opinion, especially if you tried to call them out on it and it just got worse. 

Post # 12
Member
1787 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Look up gaslighting. That’s what she’s doing to you. 

Post # 13
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@KoiKove:  Even your update sounds 100% like my mom 

I will give you the advice I have been given my entire life: She won’t change and you can only control yourself. 

It sucks, she sucks and girl you are truly not alone. Message me if you want to vent because it sounds like we could have the same mother! 

Post # 14
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Jabberwocky:  I had a therapist growing up who explained my mothers behavior as gaslighting 

OP, it is worth the research! 

Post # 16
Member
6017 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

My parents don’t hesitate to let me know that I’m a little overweight or gaining weight. However, they never speak to me the way your mom does to you. I never take offense because it’s true and they aren’t mean about it. They’ll say it in ways that shows me they really are just concerned for my health. It’s not like they’re calling me a Fatty McFatpants or anything. Then again, I let my dad have it too. He’s overweight (by at least 60-80 lbs) and whenever he complains about aches and pains I never hesitate to insert a little “probably because your body isn’t meant to carry that much weight” comment and he laughs because he knows damn well it’s true (he also slides in a “look who’s talking” comment lol).

However, my parents never hesitate to praise me when I do drop a few pounds. They always encourage me to be healthy and my best self (regardless what the scale says)

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