(Closed) Mom thinks I'm too "realistic", not emotional enough…

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@tallierand:  I think its perfectly fine. I read before in a Japenese book about a bunch of women’s view of marriage and one of them was what really stuck with me and what I wanted. Her friends asked her why she was getting married and what she thought was going to change etc.

She told them she wasn’t getting married to have things change. She was getting married because she wanted everything to stay the same, and just continue.

Its not everyone’s form of romance but it really is mine and its what I tell people. I’m not into the disney, turn your life upside down…. I’m marrying my FI because I want what we have to stay the same. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@tallierand:  Ehhh… overly emotional people work my nerves. These overly emotional, completely dramatic posts make my eye rolls uncontrollably, so I’m with you. I just never expected to see fluff, bunnies, rainbows and fireworks. I love my husband, but I don’t feel like I need to shout it from the rooftops, gush uncontrollably or anything else you see on TV. If you’re happy and he’s happy, NO ONE ELSE’S (including your parents’) opinion matters because ultimately, they don’t have to live your life.

Post # 5
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My mom once told me she worried about me because I never showed any emotion. That was several years ago. We are just different. She’s very emotional and I’m more like my dad. I think I’ve become more outwardly emotional as I’ve grown older, but I’m still a very stoic person in public. Even in relationships for a long time, I heard over and over that it was difficult to get a “read” on me. That was until I met the right guy, and he “gets” me completely. It’s just who you are. If you are happy, you don’t have to write it in the sky for everyone else to understand.

Post # 6
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m not overly emotional so I don’t see anything wrong with it. I know I want to marry my FI because I enjoy the way our lives are now, so I want to keep living the same life just make it legally official. I guess I don’t see anything wrong with approaching marriage rationally than entirely based on emotion. It’s a life altering decision, so I think it’s best to think it through. 

Post # 9
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@tallierand:  Most ANNOYING questions ever asked (my husband and I agree):

ARE YOU EXCITED? ARE YOU READY?

It got to the point where I’d say… it’s coming whether I’m ready or not. :eyeroll:

Post # 10
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@tallierand:

That’s what I was going to ask. Agreed – If it’s not your personality to show a lot of emotion, I wouldn’t worry about it.

 

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would write this long post (I do that) to respond but it looks like all the pp’s already said what I would have said… Personality differences, some are “intense love” some are “practical love” and both of them equal. You need both types for a relationship but one typically becomes the stronger one but as long as you have the “in love” part, you should have no worries.

Post # 12
Member
9506 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’ve never understood the idea that the wedding was supposed to be the best day of your life. To me, the relationship is supposed to be the thing. but to each their own. Maybe your mom is an event person. 

Post # 14
Member
9506 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

@tallierand:  is he the one for you? Do you feel sure that you are a great team? Are you regretting it? 

Idk, I’ve seen some great relationships where the people weren’t ” excited” but more practical, so this doesn’t seem like a red flag to me unless you are having doubts unrelated to what she said. Your mom might just be projecting her personality onto you. 

Or, she might be on to something if you think she knows you better than you know yourself. My mom warned me before I got married to ex, and she was right. Of course, it took me years to see that, but your case didn’t sound like that from your description. You sound marure and solid with your SO.

However, only you know if there’s something she’s seeing that you aren’t. Why not ask her what she means or if she has concerns? She might like your so but still wonder if he’s the one for you. Or she might just be projecting onto you. 

Post # 16
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My mom said this to me once — I think it’s because she was comparing how I was with my “first love” (15-18) and how I am with my husband, who is essentially my “second love” (20-27).

I’m a different person now than I was then; my husband is different than my boyfriend was. I think it’s hard for moms (especially if they’re gushy people) to understand sometimes how we’ve changed, become more practical, etc.

Phrasing like “this is the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with” might speak both to your practicality and her love of declarative amour.

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