Mom thinks my wedding is turning into a circus! Help!

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@TwoStatesBride:  this.

You will have to shut her down somehow. I’m very blunt and I nipped my mother’s nonsense in the bud IMMEDIATELY after getting engaged.

Post # 5
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah. This is actually super common. Everyone has to have an opinion. Luckily – the only person you really have to listen to is your dfiance. So just don’t tell her so much about the wedding. Be vague. Tell her you haven’t decided on things yet. Don’t run ideas past her. It just makes life easier. Then when it’s all done and decided it’ll be too late for her to complain and you to stress. 

Post # 6
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

then use circus themed invites!  jk jk

Post # 7
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@HonoraryNerd:  I’d be googling “respectful ways to tell my mother to shove it.” As far as the whole doesnt-count-cuz-it’s-not-Catholic business, I might remind her acting like a bratty bigot isn’t very becoming.

 

Post # 9
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My favorite quote from Randy on SYTTD is ” If you are mature enough to get married, you need to be mature enough to have the wedding you want.”.

Many a parent has been shocked at how much they loved the wedding they initially objected to. Many initial response are based on what tradition was when they got married. Many of our parents have not been to many weddings recently, especially of you are one of the older children.

Post # 10
Member
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My mom hasn’t disapproved of much – but she has of some things and I’m going through with them anyway. She’s helping out somewhat with the wedding- but the way I see it, if I’m paying for it – it doesn’t matter. If she’s paying for it, I’ll hear her out and do what I can to somewhat accommodate.

Post # 11
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@TwoStatesBride:  So much this. 

This crap is why I haven’t shared the details of our atheist, officiant-less ceremony with anyone who isn’t participating in it. I don’t need to hear naysaying. You need to sharply tell her keeping score like that is kind of gross (“their side is winning”), that it’s your wedding and she’s bumming you and you won’t talk about that anymore. And then change the subject, and any time she brings it up like that again, change the subject again. Just refuse to engage on it. 

She acts like she’ll disapprove but I’m sure she’ll be happy at the time.

Post # 12
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@HonoraryNerd:  I think it’s time to stop sharing the details of your wedding. My mom was the same way, saying negative stuff about our ideas. So I only shared details I was CERTAIN she would approve of. The rest was a surprise to her and she LOVED our offbeat wedding. It’s been almost a month and she can’t stop talking about how great she thought it was. 

Post # 14
Member
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@HonoraryNerd:  I’m in the same boat, kind of. This past weekend FI and I went to my parents house to discuss wedding things. I read to her the ceremony transcript, which we have been working on for 9 months with our officiant. We are having a non-religious ceremony, and after I finished reading our lovely ceremony to my parents, I looked up at my mom and she hated it. She didn’t like that God wasn’t mentioned at all and she didn’t like that there weren’t any religious parts. I told her that we like it and it is what we’re going with. [insert blow out fight here]. 

In the end, I realized I simply cannot tell her the details of things. I’ll just keep them to myself. I wish, more than anything, that my mom could just be happy and supportive. This just isn’t my reality. Oh well. There’s not much I can do about it! 

Post # 15
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@starz88962:  Yesh. There is no way that my mother will be seeing the ceremony before it actually happens. I’m positive that she will think its lovely when we have the wedding but be totally offened and horrified before hand.

Post # 16
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@HonoraryNerd:  Ever PP is totally right – don’t talk about ‘those’ kind of details with her. Tell her the flowers are coming along and that you are still figuing out details of the ceremony while “working with your priest.” Its sad that sometimes it all has to be a big secret – but everybody is always happier in the end because of it. She’ll be so caught up in the excitement the day of that she won’t notice all the things she would have agonized over while tossing and turning in bed the months before.

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