mom upset i dont want her in the delivery room

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@lollypop:  I don’t plan on having a kid anytime soon, but I already know that I would want those first few hours to spend with just the three of us and so I had a chance to rest and clean up before seeing anyone. Some people are the exact opposite and can’t imagine not having their parents and family there with them.

If your mom doesn’t like it then that’s just too bad. This is your (and your Husband’s) decision to make. She can either suck it up and do as you ask or she can keep moping. Don’t change your plans just to appease her. And speak with the Nurses and Medical Staff ahead of time. I’m pretty sure you can tell them who to allow in and who to keep out.

Post # 4
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Tough cookies, if she doesn’t get over it it’s her loss. I asked my mom not to be in the room during my first child and she didn’t listen, you better believe my husband will be standing guard with this new baby if my mom tries to pull that again

Post # 5
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lollypop:  That’s a tough one. You are perfectly within your rights to choose who is in the room with you, though, and to not have your mom there if you just want your DH. It kind of sounds like your mom has a bit of a control issue, with her saying she was GOING to be there and not even asking you. Maybe she’s freaking out a little about her baby becoming a mom? People sometimes do strange things in situations where they see their kids becoming more independent.

You did the right thing. Stick to your guns, and remain firm but polite about this decision. Be sure she knows that you’re fine with her coming in after the birth after you and DH have had time to be together with the baby and bond. You are right, she will get over it, and if she doesn’t, that is her choice to feel that way.

Post # 6
Member
884 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Tell her the hospital only allows one support person during delivery and that it should be DH? This is actually not too far from the truth for me and my hospital. They only allow 1-2 visitors during labor but any number of people can come during postpartum.

Post # 8
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That is completely bizarre to me that this is something that she would “expect.” I don’t think it’s out of the question to have a mother in the delivery room, but that is NOT the norm, and your wishes in this should be respected without question. 

Stick to your guns, and don’t ever regret it. If your mom is this controlling and stressful, then just imagine how terrible it would be to have her in the delivery room during one of the more naturally stressful times in your life!

Post # 9
Member
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@lollypop:  I feel like my mom and I will have the exact same conversation in the future.. and she will probably react the same way…

Just wanted to let you know you arent the only one who is/will be in that situation with your mum 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee

I hate this. People expecting to be there is insane. It’s a delievey, not a spectator sport!

The more people there are, the more people there are in the way if something were to go wrong.

Post # 11
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Too bad for her. Sorry, but this isn’t about her. Of course she is excited for the new arrival however this is a life changing event for you and it’ll be stressful enough without having too many other people in there that you have to ‘worry’ about. I haven’t even offered or discussed this with my mum but if she asks to be in the delivery room I will be politely saying no. 

Post # 12
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lollypop:  I’m a midwife and I think one of the biggest mistakes a lot of first time mothers have is inviting people into the delivery room that they’re not 100% comfortable with. It is an extremely intimate time. And as much as you tell people “don’t look” – they will. I swear to you they will. The midwives (or doctor if you are in the USA) will announce that the head is coming and EVERYONE will look – they can’t help themselves!

The time after your baby is born should be about you, your partner and the child you have just brought into the world.

But everytime people have others in the delivery room it always becomes about them too. Im yet to see a new grandmother able to stand back and let the couple have this special time with their baby. They can’t – it’s not their fault, they’re just too excited, too emotional and it becomes about them.

You never, ever get that special time with just the 3 of you back again. Ever. And it really is the most special time in your lives.

Another thing is that the more people you have, the less it becomes about YOU. Especially when a woman is pushing, she needs to focus on herself, on her baby and on getting into that zone. When there are lots of family in the room they distract her, talk to her, joke with her and a lot of the time it prevents this from happening. And, as a midwife, this drives me bonkers!

Your mother will get over it. Stick to your guns honey, you won’t regret your decision.

Post # 13
Member
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I was afraid that my mom wanted to be in the delivery room so I told her recently that I dont think she should be in there…her response? “Oh I know, I shouldn’t be in there. This is something between you and DH that doesn’t include me. Also I wasn’t there when baby was made, I dont think I should be there when they’re born. I also don’t think I could handle seeing you in so much distress. I’ll stay outside thank you.”

I was floored with her response, but it made perfect sense. So maybe use that train of thought to explain to her why you don’t want her in the delivery room.

Post # 14
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Decide what you what, ( like you have ) and stick to your guns. Don’t budge to make other poeple happy. This is your time, your baby, your decision. My MIL told my husband that she was going to be in the room. I told her in an extremely firm way that she would “absolutely not be in the room with us.” She later told my husband that I needed to compromise with her. I just about blew my lid and we told her if she kept up that attitude that we wouldn’t tell her when I was in labour. For months I said in my glider and talked to my belly and begged my baby to come when MIL was in another province. ( She had plans to go 12 hours away about 3 weeks before my duedate. ) Low a frigging behold, my daughter listen to all that begging and came when MIL was far away. 🙂  

My husband didn’t completely understand why I didn’t want people all around me during the process. Once we had the baby he said to me ” No kidding you didn’t want anyone around, I’m sorry I actually doubted why you would say that.” 

Stick to your grounds. They’ll get over it, trust me the last thing you’re going to want is to be in a position your not comfortable with while giving birth. 

Post # 15
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I totally understand! I also don’t have the beat relationship with my mom, I resent her in many ways an I work hard to have a decent, although not perfect relationship with her. I also could never imagine her in the delivery room. I’m pretty sure I’d be annoyed by her presence and also she’s the least discreet ean in the planet so I’d be worried she would divulge the entire birth story to everyine she knows from washington to Texas. Lol. 

I did not wait for my mom to make assumptions about her involvement in prenatal care and delivery. I told her I would probably have her come to the 20 week ultrasound when we learb the sex but that all others would be just me and my husband. I also mentioned that I inkt want me husband in the delivery room and I he’s not able to be there I would rather do it on my own.  She didn’t even flinch, probably because she’s aware, even to her dismay, what a private person I am and how much I would had an audience of family. 

So far it’s not been an issue. And as it looks anyway there’s a high vhance I may need a c section. So I think you said your peace and she just needs time to process it and move on. You can diacuss having her be one of the first to meet baby and ask her to be in charge of first photos and things like that to help her feel more involved. Good luck!! 

Just know there is nothing wrig with your wishes and that you have every right to have them respected!

 

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