(Closed) Mom wants to be the videographer

posted 5 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I would tell her that you really want her to be in the pictures and be present in the day with you instead of being behind a video camera for the whole night. If she won’t, could you find a student videographer to shoot the ceremony, speeches, and first dance? Otherwise maybe you can compromise with her that she only shoots certain things

Post # 5
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you are not going to change her mind on this one. Either way you are going to have a mother stuck behind a video camera or one that is miserable on the day because she’s not allowed to film it. Have you spoken to your father, can he change her mind.  I don’t think you are a difficult bride but you have a difficult MOB, and that’s coming from a MOB. You can try writting her a letter explaining how much it will mean to you sharing your special day with her, that way you don’t get all emotional over the phone.

Post # 6
Member
6207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

@MsGarnet:  Lol! Turning it into a mentoring situation could work! 

Post # 7
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2005

If they have been in the business that long, they must have a friend or colleague that could film your wedding, right?

I agree with you that her place is next to you not in front of you with a camera.  I don’t know how she thinks she can do both.  How can she be in a wedding video and film it at the same time?  Unless she can clone herself, it’s not happening.  I would tell her that you want to see both your parents in the video together, so if you have a video done, someone else has to do it, period.  I think the student/mentor thing is a disaster waiting to happen.  She will still be tempted to bring her camera or will distract the poor kid with ideas and you’ll end up with nothing worht watching.  I would hire a professional videographer who won’t be distracted by her and will most likely know how to deal with a controling MOB.  This way, you can have the style that YOU want and a professional that can handle your mom.

Since you and your fiance already know that it will drive you both crazy having her behind the camera, as hard as it will be, you have to make it clear to her now that she can’t film your wedding.  If you’re annoyed, your pictures will be ruined and you won’t want to see the video anyway because it will be a horrible reminder.  If you wait to tell her, you’re just prolonging the inevitable and it will be harder to do the longer you wait.  Until then, she’ll keep thinkng she’s doing it and continue to plan it all out in her head.  It sounds like she doesn’t trust anyone else to do it.  Is her philosophy “if you want something done right, do it yourself”?  That’s a tough nut to crack in itself without adding that it’s her daughter’s wedding.  I don’t envy your position.  I hope that you can get through to her and that she sees that it’s your wedding and what you want is what matters.  Tell her you want to see her face as your getting ready for your wedding, not her body with a camera where her head should be.  Good luck.

Post # 8
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Your mom should be there as a proud mom and guest, not behind the lens all day. Someone else should do it for your day. She needs those memories fresh in her mind, not from behind a viewfinder.

Post # 9
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

Try to find a videographer who will will have a great camera and will give her all the raw footage to edit and make the video after.  This may make her happy.  She will be able to do a good share of making the video.  You need her to be your Mother.  She won’t have to buy a better camera either and you can tell her that too.

 

Post # 10
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 1994

Have someone “accidentally” knock the camera from her hand. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsGarnet:  I agree with PP people that your mom should be attending your wedding to enjoy the day with you and your husband not to be behind a camera shooting your wedding video. And I also think that getting family involved can sometimes complicate things through conflict of interest? They should be your guests more than anything. Cool

Post # 12
Member
3052 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

If you can’t get her to see reason the only other options I suggest are –

1.  you tell her that your venue doesn’t allow videography!!! Tell the  venue coordinator what is happening and slip them some cash to agree with your story!!!

2. you break her camera!!!

I just think your mum wants to do something sentimental and nice for you both. I know its not what you want….but you may enjoy watching your day at a later date. You miss so many things at your wedding…. a recap could be nice. ( my sister saw on her wedding video that the groomsmen rigged the garter game!!!) at the end of the day you don’t have to show everyone the video…so if its full of smaltz it can go back in the cupboard and be hidden away.

I hope you can get your mum to agree to a no video wedding.

 

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