- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
Well, I’ll admit that I’ve been stalking these boards for awhile, but I haven’t had a pressing desire to post until now. I’m sorry this is so long, but it’s an unusual problem that requires some back story!
I grew up around the wedding industry. My parents started a small business as event videographers when I was three. By the time I was 17, they had expanded the business to include photography and I was helping them out with shooting and editing. Having seen and participated in the making of countless sappy, slo-mo, vignette-heavy wedding videos, I’m not all that keen on having one myself. Neither is my fiancé, and we don’t have a budget for video anyway (though we did just hire a photographer that we’re very happy with).
Enter Mom. She recently told me that she’s dead-set on shooting the video herself for our wedding. My mother is the kind of person who has to document EVERYTHING. When she first met my then-boyfriend at his house, she felt the inexplicable need to videotape his entire home before even putting away her luggage. Mind you this was also before I had even moved in with FI. She regularly collects hours of footage and hundreds of photos that usually never see the light of day. I love her, but she’s… eccentric.
Now I know that this is purportedly the most important day of my life, and therefore I should jump at the chance for free and professional video coverage. But I just cringe at the thought of my mom following us and FI’s family around invasively with a camera. I don’t like being filmed in general, and even less when my mom is behind the camera. She enjoys a different style of photography than I do, one that involves lots of cheesy poses, and she’s not shy about asking (demanding) for these poses. Not only would it probably irritate me—the last feeling I want on my wedding day—but more importantly, I just want her to be a guest and enjoy her day. Our families have never met and live on opposite sides of the country, so it’s very likely the only time they will get to spend time together. I’ve heard of MOB’s helping out as coordinators or with the flower arrangement, but shooting video? That would pretty much preclude her from being a part of the precessional/wedding party/dancing/etc.
The whole thing just seems crazy to us. I had begged her not to do it, but she is an incredibly stubborn person. On our last phone conversation about it, I started trying to tell her, “I’m not a difficult bride, but…” Before I could finish my thought about how important this was to both of us (fiancé is even more opposed to the idea than I am), she cuts me off and says, “You’re the MOST difficult bride”. At which point I just abruptly ended the conversation, afraid I was about to say something retaliatory. Needless to say, this was incredibly hurtful to me, and IMHO, couldn’t be farther from the truth (and funny that she could intuit how difficult I am, since she hasn’t been involved in any conversations with my vendors). I can’t understand why she’s willing to compromise our relationship over this.
Another added complexity is that my parents are also talking about buying a new small profile camera to shoot the wedding… and a new (used) car to make the trip up there (they’re a 10 hour drive from the wedding location). Mind you, they keep telling me how little money they have, so they’ve only been able to contribute $500 to the wedding. Which is fine. The last thing I want is for them to dip into their retirement for my wedding, but it also really upsets me to hear that they’re willing to spend money on a camera they don’t need and I don’t want when they’re supposedly broke. And now the only solution I can come up with is to hire a videographer ourselves, which will pretty much blow through the $500 they gave us and then some. At this point I’d like to just give the money back in exchange for a promise that my mom won’t bring her camera, but I know that won’t happen.
Any thoughts/advice/consolation for my weird problem?