Post # 1
We just told my parents about the baby yesterday and she’s already pressuring me into letting her come to my first OB appt. I’m not comfortable with having her there and wanted to tackle this appt by myself but I have no clue how to tell her that. Suggestions?
Post # 3
maybe you could tell her this appointment is just going over histories and boring stuff, but that you’d love to have her there for another appointment- like an ultrasound, those are more fun anyway!
Post # 4
Time for mom to let go of the apron strings. Just tell her you would rather not have company for this appointment. Maybe later.
Post # 5
I could tell that my mom really wanted to come to my first appt. She said that if DH was unable to make it that she would come with me. DH didn’t come but I lied to her and told her he did! I know it’s horrible but I was just so much more calm being able to go by myself. NOW she is already bugging me that she wants to be in the delivery room with me. But that’s another story for another thread…
Post # 6
My mom tried to pull the same stuff and wants to be in the delivery room. I point blank told her no and I meant it. To me my comfort is more important than hurting her feelings. Sorry mom!
Post # 7
I agree with PPs- you have to stand your ground with her now or you’ll face pressure from her throughout the rest of your pregnancy. I would say something short and simple like “thanks for the offer mom but I think I’ll handle this one on my own. I’d love for you to join me for a different appointment later on- maybe the ultrasound or one later on in the pregnancy, once we’ll be able to hear the heart beat and find out more about the baby.”
Post # 8
Try to phrase it so that you’re thinking of her interest. The first appointment is typically long because the doctor asks you about a million questions since they have to download your entire medical history and relevant medical issues in one appoinment. Then they do a pap culture. Pretty awkward if your mom is hearing all about your sexual history and then watches them take a pap culture. Explain to her that it’ll be long and boring and kind of awkward and they won’t do the ultrasound until the next appointment anyway. Or just be honest and say you’re not comfortable with her being there just yet. Maybe she could wait until the next appointment.
Post # 9
If you were 17 I could see the possibility but for me, this is something only for you and your husband or for you alone in that matter. This is one of those pushy, I am butting my nose into your business even though you are a functioning adult things parents do. My MIL is famous for this and it drives me INSANE! I could see my MIL doing this and also asking to be in the delivery room, she is severly mistaken. Like a PP said, standing my ground is more important to me than hurting anyones feelings. If you allow them to make you feel like a pushover now, it won’t stop there.
Post # 10
I would tell her no, but personally I wouldn’t even be “maybe another time”. She’ll keep bugging you and if that’s not something that you want her to keep asking you about you have to nip it now.
Post # 11
Post # 12
I would just tell her the truth, you’re not comfortable with it. They’re probably going to give you an exam, and your mom doesn’t need to be there to see that. Let her know you’ll call her ASAP after your apt. and let her know what happened. My mom works right down the street from my OB so I always stop by after my apts and it makes her feel better.
Post # 13
i would tell her exactly what you just told us, be honest, she reallly needs to respect your wishes with the baby. Maybe offer to let her come when you find out the gender..
Post # 14
Tell her “no”. Just tell her you’d like to go by yourself and that you’ll let her know if you want her to be at a future appointment (you may change your mind). But if you don’t put your foot down now you could end up with her around for everything and calling the shots.
Post # 15
Marriage is about making boundaries with your family.
Tell her no. It’s not her baby. She doesn’t need to be there.
Post # 16
I agree with the others to say no now and don’t beat around the bush. Be upfront and honest or it will spirial out of control.
I told my mom upfront that this an experience with my husband and I to share. She has already been through this with my sister and I and now its my turn. I had to do the same thing with my sister as well. She already has two kids of her own and has been through this all before.
I really want each appointment to be special with my husband and I and they understood. Maybe my next baby or the one after that I would include them, but not now, not with my first.