Post # 1
My mom has recently become very close with someone that has been friends with her cousin and her sister for ages. I wasn’t even aware of this new friendship until about a month ago. We’ll call her J. I’ve known J for a while, or more like have known about her since I’ve never really talked to her. My mom’s cousin hosts a Christmas party every year and if I can make it that is the only time I will see J thoughout the year.
So of course now that my mom has become close with J she wanted to invite her and her husband to the wedding. My FI and I are totally 100% funding this wedding but she offered to pay for J and J’s husband. I said no for two reasons: One, I barely know J. And two, it will create a huge snowball effect of “Well you invited J, why didn’t you invite Christmas Party Cousin?” which of course would lead to why didn’t I invite the rest of her cousins. We have a huge family, I alone have 17 first cousins and my mom probably has more than that. Lots of hurt feelings to go around. We can’t afford that both monetarily and emotionally. I told my mom that no, we can’t invite her because of these reasons. She was sad and disappointed but I’m sorry. I thought after telling her this three times that it’d be the end. Foolish thought!
Now comes another problem: Apparently J lives near my venue (we’re from IL, she’s in WI). I didn’t know this because that’s how little I know her. I should have known something was coming when my mom asked what the name of my venue was, AGAIN, for the 50th time in the last few weeks. My mom said that J wants to come to just my ceremony so she can witness my FI and I get married. That’s sweet, but so, so awkward! I didn’t know this woman was married until last month and I still don’t know her last name. I understand she’s become close with my mother but having someone just at the ceremony is so strange to me! I’m even worried about my hypercritical aunt saying something to me or someone else about how much of a faux pas that is. She can be that, um, snotty, to put it nicely. Of course I’d pawn it off on my mother since it’d be her doing but still not something I’d like to deal with.
Help Bees! What do I do? Let my mother invite J to just the ceremony or say No to everything?
Post # 3
@LiliKitty: Stay strong. Stick with your original plan. There is no need to invite a stranger and her husband, (or someone you will have met once before the wedding).
Post # 4
How many people are going to be at your wedding?
Post # 5
If your mom offered to pay for them I’d say invite them! It must be important enough to your mom to have them there for her to offer to pay, plus she lives near the venue so it must be really awkward for your mom to not have an invite extended to J. If you’re worried about a snowball effect remind your mom that she’s paying for J and her husband and if she wants to invite more people she can pay for them too.
Post # 6
@julies1949: See, that’s the thing, she’s a stranger but not really a stranger. I’ve known her for a while just don’t KNOW her. More of a “Hi, how are you” sort of thing every year I see her. Thanks though, I think I’m just tired of telling my mother no about this woman. She’s wearing me thin!
Post # 7
@Westwood: About 75-80 people.
@MrsChristopher: She doesn’t necessarily want to invite more people but she has said she understands where I’m coming from about the snowball effect, which after pounding it into her head three times seems to have taken a stand and now she’s switched her story to only wanting to invite J to the ceremony.
Post # 8
I dont see a problem with her attending teh ceremony if there is space. I have had a couple of people who know that they will not be invited to the reception ask me if they could attend the ceremony. These are mostly the parents of my bridesmaids who i have known for a long time but just could not extend an invitation to do to space at my reception venue. I thought it was very sweet of them to want to spend part of our special day with me and FI.
Post # 9
Im in the same boat. We have 172 currently on the invite list. My mom begged me so much for her one friend. I knew she was serious bc her friend’s plate is literally the only thing she offered to pay for so eventually I gave in. She has other friends invited but they were a given.
Post # 10
I voted to just go ahead and let her attend the ceremony.
It can’t hurt, and everyone will be so focused on the ceremony itself, they likely won’t even notice that she’s there.
Post # 11
I’m going through the same thing with my FMIL she rekindled this new friendship and now wants to invite her to the wedding. She offered to pay BUT I would rather not be meeting people for the first time at my wedding especially when they are not family.
Post # 12
Ugh. Hate that!
How many people are going to be at your ceremony, and is it at the same location as the reception?
If it’s a different location and you’re habing greater than 100-150 guests, I’d let her attend the ceremony. But that’s it!
Post # 13
@BrandNewBride: It’s in the same place… The guests will leave the ceremony space and literally walk right down the hall to the reception. Everyone that is invited is invited to both. We’re expecting about 75-80 people to show.
Post # 14
I can see your point about the snowball effect. I agree that it’s not right to invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception, but in this case she is making the request to attend and I would have no problem with it.
Post # 15
I’d let you mom go ahead and invite her. Two extra people is not going to send you wedding into a tailspin. To me a 75-80 wedding is pretty large. If this is your mom’s only request I’d honor it.
Post # 16
@LiliKitty: Well, I’d suggest since the ceremony and reception are that nearby – and two people would be leaving after the ceremony – I’d keep the line drawn and ask your mom not to invite J to the ceremony.