Mom wants to walk me down the aisle too?

posted 2 weeks ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
668 posts
Busy bee

Given your family is Jewish, how will your relatives react if your mom doesn’t escort you down the aisle?  (You may need to pre-manage some expectations).

Post # 17
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

We are also loosely Jewish and my mom and dad walked me down the aisle. It didn’t make sense to me to NOT have my mom up there with me. She helped raise me and otherwise she just sits in the chair like any other guest?

Post # 18
Member
1592 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I didn’t want my dad to walk down with me because I didn’t feel our relationship was close enough for that. I also disagreed with the sexist roots and generally wanted to either walk down with DH or by myself.

The thing is that doing that would have upset people and not just my dad. My grandma, for one. I’d have caused more upset to those I care about outside of my dad than I would have got joy from doing what I wanted. Sure this is your choice but just consider if this is the hill you want to die on.

In the end I walked with both parents and to equal it out I asked DH to walk with his too. Neither of us are Jewish it’s just what worked for us. In the end it was one moment out of a whole day and it didn’t affect the overall day. I’m actually really glad that we did that now.

However, if this is the hill you want to die on, tell your mother that you just want a moment with your dad. There’s plenty of mother-daughter moments in the day and this was something you imagined with just your dad.

Post # 19
Member
7658 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i am jewish and my mom walked me down the aisle (my father is also deceased).  we also did a mother-daughter fast dance.

i’ve been to many weddings both jewish and non-jewish where both parents have escorted the bride and groom down the aisle.

 

Post # 20
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

I’m considering asking both my parents to walk me, too. I think it’s sweet. Perhaps you could think of another way to have a special moment with just your dad if that’s important to you? He could do a reading or something, or you guys could do the traditional dance to a special song. 

Post # 22
Member
974 posts
Busy bee

I disagree with the other Bees. If you want this to be a special moment with your Dad, that is totally fine. Just because she asked and might be a little hurt is not a reason to cave if this is very important to you. Just like if there were a step dad and bio dad involved, THEY dont get to dictate who walks you down the aisle. It is YOUR choice, they are adults and can deal with your decision.

Post # 23
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Hi Bee! I didn’t have time to read through all of the comments so I’m not sure if anyone else suggested this… 

I’m in the same boat, since the beginning of planning my mom has wanted to walk me down the aisle with my dad. I’m kind of traditional and being my fathers only daughter I really wanted that special moment with my dad, but also didn’t want to hurt my moms feelings. 

So we came up with a good solution. The front row of our seating will be quite a ways back from our altar. So my mom and dad will both walk me down the aisle until we get to my moms seat. Then I will give my mom a hug and a kiss and she will sit down. Then my father will walk me the rest of the way to future husband. This way he still gets to give me away, and we will get pictures of both my parents walking me down, and some with just my dad! 🙂 

 

Post # 24
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

My mom isn’t interested in walking me down the aisle, but someone asked if she was going to, and my response was that (on top of her not wanting to), I really want her to have the experience of watching me walk down the aisle. I want her to see the look on my face when I see my family members and friends who came, and of course, my husband at the end of the aisle. If she’s walking next to me, she won’t get to see that. Maybe you could use that as your explanation to your mom. 

Post # 25
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

While personally, I couldn’t imagine walking down the aisle without my mother, what I would do really doesn’t matter.  If you feel like this is a special moment with your father, then I think you should put your foot down.  Maybe make a compromise of having some alone time just the 2 of you the day of the wedding, so that you can have this time with your father.

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