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My mom dropped a hint about doing this also, but like you, I have that same dream about my dad walking me down the aisle. I dont want to hurt her feelings but I expressed to her that I have always wanted that special moment with my dad. My mom and I are really close, but really hasn't been all that excited/helpful throuh the planning process.
She hasnt full out asked me to walk down the aisle with us, but if she does, I honestly dont know if I would be able to say no :\
Can you just say something along the lines of, 'I would really like to go the traditional route. But I would love it if you could say a few words or read a poem at the ceremony' maybe that will give the moms something else to focus on! Or, if you end up walking down the isle with both your parents I think thats fine too :)
I just talked to her and brought it up, asking if she REALLY means it since she hates to be the center of attention and all of the attention will DEFINITELY be on her if she's walking me down the aisle...Her response, "You can do what you want to do, but if your daddy and I can't give you away, I'll be pissed."
Wow. Thanks mom, for saying that I can do what I want to do and following it up with that. So I actually really can't do what I want to do.
I need to talk to my Dad. Maybe he can help me here. Talk her out of it.
She is an emotional roller coaster, and is typically not very rational when it comes to emotional topics. So a normal conversation such as, "Mom, I hope you understand that I really wanted to do this the traditional way..." will cause an emotional tornado.
I love that she drops this on me 49 days until the wedding.
I just talked to her and brought it up, asking if she REALLY means it since she hates to be the center of attention and all of the attention will DEFINITELY be on her if she's walking me down the aisle...Her response, "You can do what you want to do, but if your daddy and I can't give you away, I'll be pissed."
Wow. Thanks mom, for saying that I can do what I want to do and following it up with that. So I actually really can't do what I want to do.
I need to talk to my Dad. Maybe he can help me here. Talk her out of it.
She is an emotional roller coaster, and is typically not very rational when it comes to emotional topics. So a normal conversation such as, "Mom, I hope you understand that I really wanted to do this the traditional way..." will cause an emotional tornado.
I love that she drops this on me 49 days until the wedding.
What about giving her a special task like lighting the mothers candle or maybe meeting you at the end of the isle to give you away?
I've seen a few weddings with two people walking the bride down and IMO it doesn't work well. Most isles aren't wide enough for three people to walk side by side and one person has to kinda walk behind. Also its very awkward for the bride because you are trying to link arms with two people and hold a bouquet.
Maybe you could have your mom meet you and your dad at the beginning of the aisle and then walk with your mom and dad the rest of the way?
Here is a quick illustration to show you what I mean lol
That way you have some of the walk alone with your dad and then your mom doesnt feel left out?
@SecretName: Hmmm. Maybe that's a way out...Here is our aisle. It's not wide at all! My dad's a big guy! My mom's not, but I think it may still be too much width with my bid Dad, my dress, and my mom.
@HoneyBear: I must be a little slow today, because I don't follow:) We're having a really small wedding, about 55 people. It'll be on the rooftop of a resort, you can see it in the photo I posted. Our aisle length is only about 25 ft, and I ordered a custom monogrammed aisle runner so I can't get them to make it longer by setting the chairs back further. Can you explain your idea more? I'm intrigued, I guess I just can't picture the logistics with my venue:)
Ok, so your mom would wait at the end of the aisle. (where the aisle runner would begin) Behing the last row of chairs.
I dont know if there are doors that you come out of or how your ceremony is set up, but your dad and you could walk from the doors to the end of the aisle (where you would meet your mom)
Then mom, dad and you could walk to the gazebo all together, but you would still get that moment with your dad walking out of the doors (?) to your mom.
Does this still not make sense?? lol Sorry, maybe I need to draw another picture haha
I had both my mom and dad walk me down the aisle since they both raised me together and seemed to deserve equal honor in that. But if you don't want to do that, I second the suggestion of perhaps having your mom meet you part way, or even stand at the front for the "giving away" part (if you're doing that?).
Since your mother is highly emotional, do you think you could just let this slide? You'll still have the father-daughter dance, so you'll get your moment with your father. If you can make your mother extraordinarly happy with some change, why not make it?
My mother wants me to wear the lace mantilla her mother brought here from Ireland. It's not my style and I don't really like the thing all that much, but by wearing it for the ceremoney, I know I'm going to make her (and her sisters) insanely happy. Done.
Of course, if this is one of many concessions you've been asked to make, I could totally understand.
If she's serious, and she doesn't back out (she has a history of doing so, causes a fire drill and then says "nevermind,") then I just don't think I could really tell her no. I mean, I may try the"aisle too small" thing, but I think I need to talk to my Dad first, before I do anything. I left him a VM, but he's at the camp on Sundays (damn rednecks!), so I can't get in touch with him just yet. Jeezum.
I guess another thing is that FI and I are pretty much doing/paying for everything ourselves, and we've felt very good about the fact that no one else really has a say in things, because it's truly "ours" and this is the first thing my mother has thrown on me. The only other thing that we were railroaded by was his mother's guest list, because she didn't realize how much we were paying per person (she thought it was like $30 per person...HAHA! We're paying $110 before tax and gratuity), and once it was explained to her, she simmered down. So this is the only thing that I've REALLY had to deal with doing even though I don't want to do it.
I don't have much advice on how to tell your mom no if it's truly something you do not want, but I just wanted to share that having both parents walk you down the aisle is actually the standard practice in Jewish weddings. In fact the groom is also walked down the aisle by both of his parents usually. Anyway, you should be able to have the wedding you envisioned. Remind your mom that if she walks with you she won't get to see you walk down the aisle.
Actually, my cousin did something where her dad walked her down the aisle, and then at the very end, right up at the alter, her mom stood up and stood with her dad, while my cousin went to her FI. And the pastor goes, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" (or something like that - it was actually a bit more liberal than that) and both mom and dad said "We do." and then they sat back down. That way the mom totally got to be part of giving her away, but it wasn't both of them walking her down the aisle.
Maybe that would work?
Actually, my cousin did something where her dad walked her down the aisle, and then at the very end, right up at the alter, her mom stood up and stood with her dad, while my cousin went to her FI. And the pastor goes, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" (or something like that - it was actually a bit more liberal than that) and both mom and dad said "We do." and then they sat back down. That way the mom totally got to be part of giving her away, but it wasn't both of them walking her down the aisle.
Maybe that would work?
I'm a year out, and I've already had to tell my mom no! However I told my sister/BM about what I wanted to talk to my mom about, and she took care of it for me LOL. Do you have any siblings that can help you talk her out of it? I like some of the PPs ideas about having your mom stand at the end to help give you away, or her meeting you halfway so you get half just you and dad, and half both parents.
Good luck, I know how crazy moms can get (I swear my mom is bi-polar :/) and how hard it is to change their minds.
@MissKatelyn: LOVE this idea! I think this would answer all problems...My brother could still walk her down the aisle and seat her, and she could just get back up as we are walking down the aisle, and meet us at the end:) Yes, that works. She'll have no reason to be offended by that! Awesome!
@Miss Godiva: I just talked to my dad and explained it to him...He said she hadn't said anything to him, and he said he's never heard of that where the mother and the father walk the bride down and he thought it was weird. So he's going to bring it up. She's going through one of her "times" as I said before, so he wants to give her a few days to settle down and then bring it up. We all have to walk on eggshells for her!
@jholler25: I completely understand. Hope your dad is able to make things better :)
Daddies always save the day! He talked to Mom today, and told her it's very important to him to walk me down the aisle. I'm his firstborn, and his first daughter to marry, and he thinks it will "steal his thunder" if he isn't the only one to walk me down the aisle.
He said she was not happy with him. But he knows she'll just get pissed at him, but if I told her I didnt' want it, she would be very hurt. So he's taking the heat for me, and I think she may drop it bc Ol' Dad's putting his foot down:)
I know it's kind of cheesy.. but maybe you could incorporate something like this? You could say something along the lines of.. don't worry, I have something special planned to honor you.. or something like that. Just to make her feel special.
I think they usually do it at the beginning of the ceremony.
Rose Ceremony (for mothers)Marriage is a coming together of two lives, and a celebration of the love of two people. But it is more. The love that you feel for one another is the flowering of a seed your mothers planted in your hearts many years ago. When you were first born, you were a bundle of diapers and tears, and your mothers lost sleep caring for you. Their love for you has brought them great happiness and great challenges, and their love did not diminish as they met these challenges. That is the great lesson you can bring into your marriage. As you embrace one another in your love, so too do you embrace the families which have been brought together on this happy occasion. As a token of your gratitude for your families, I would like to ask you to offer these symbols of eternal love, these roses, to your mothers.
(Both bride and groom can hand the roses to each mother together, offering the mothers kisses if they wish.)
We didn't do the typical, I had my Hubby to be walk my mom and his mom down the aisle and seat them..
While I personally can't relate to the feeling, I think you should just tell her that you love her, but want to do this the traditional way.
OMGeez! I can unfortunately relate. I am having a similar dilemma the difference is my mom is not the type to "ask". She feels she is the most important by far so there should not be any discussion. My parents divorced when I was really young and both remarried. I have always had the same emotional vision of my dad walking me down the aisle and our dance. So when my mother inserts "We are walking you..." in our wedding conversation I am totally taken back! It was almost like a movie...witht the dream effects and everything I kind of faded out and dont remember the rest of the conversation. Other than my own vision my parents have been divorced for over 20 years now and have been married majority of that time so I think it will be very awkward for their spouses! But my mom believes she was the primary caregiver therefore should take precedence. Partially she is correct but overall i cant agree. I refuse to stress about it! We will have to make it work!
Maybe she can meet you and your dad at the END of the aisle. Standing up front in front of the officiant. That way our dad can walk you down the aisle and they both can give you away.
I want both of my parents to walk me so we had to choose a venue where the aisle would be wide enough to fit all three of us and the dress, so that is an important consideration that you should point out to your mom.
Thank you all for your support and ideas! Any of them would have solved the problem, but I never had to offer her an alternative because my Dad just straight up told her, "No." So he totally squashed it. I haven't heard anything about it since:)
I'm glad your dad was willing to step in and put his foot down for you! It is your day and you should have things exactly how you want them without having anyone get mad at you!
My mom said the same thing to me about a month before the wedding.She thought that since we weren't being traditional in many aspects of the wedding, that this could be something that we do. Luckily, my dad was in the room and just blurted out no! Afterwards, I talked to my mom and told her that I felt like it was my dad's moment in the wedding. My mom and I planned the whole wedding, we talked several times a day and made most of the decisions. I felt really bad telling her no because she did so much for me in the wedding (and in life) but I too always had the vision of my dad walking me down the aisle (long before my husband was even in my life!!). In the end, she walked down the aisle with my brother and it was very special. I loved having the moments before walking down the aisle with just my dad. Is it possible for your dad to talk to your mom about this?
oops. just read your response. I'm glad your dad took care of it!!!
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My whole entire life, I have dreamed of my Daddy walking me down the aisle. It's actually one of the things that I get really emotional about when I think about it. And also the Father-Daughter dance. I have always been Daddy's Girl. I am the oldest, and I have a younger sister and a younger brother, but I have always known that I'm "his baby." I am VERY close to my mom, and although she lives in Louisiana, and I live in Florida, we talk multiple times a day. Yesterday, she dropped a bomb on me and said that she wants to walk me down the aisle with Daddy.
I love her to pieces, but the 30 year old fantasy of my Dad giving me away leaves me feeling like I wish she didn't want to do that.
Am I a horrible daughter? I can't tell her no. But part of me is hoping that she will change her mind, as she has major anxiety issues and is on medication and hates to be the center of attention. She goes through depression "blips" and she's been battling one, and she gets really emotional, and she's going through one now, so I'm hoping it's just the emotion/meds talking.
I love her so much, but I am traditional, and I want so much for my brother to walk her down the aisle and seat her, my sister is my MOH, and for it just to be me and Daddy when they play "Here Comes The Bride."
Has anyone else dealt with this or can you offer advice?