Post # 1
My mother wants to walk me down the aisle WITH my father.
Ok, so my parents are divorced. They HATE each other. I love my mom dearly, and I get along ok with my father (yes I still love him plenty he just drives me up the wall sometimes). He always gets upset about things like this. My dad is very conservative, very religious and very traditional. When they divorced my mom won custody of my brother and I and my dad essentially put on this victim complex that has never really gone away.
He used to get so angry about how my mom ‘stole us from him’ and also ‘stole his money’ via child support payments. Their relationship became one where Mom was passive aggresive towards him through us (had us call our step-dad ‘Daddy’ just to piss off my real dad) and Dad was just completely full on in your face aggressive (he tried to physically attack my mother when she came to pick us up once in her car, she had to call the cops, it was a big fiasco, I was like 7, my bro was 5 and we were both traumatized obviously.)
Now my mom has gotten this idea in her head where she wants to walk down the aisle with me and give me away along with my father. Personally I just want a traditional style wedding where Dad gives me away, I’ve always wanted that to begin with. I tried to explain to her that it’s probably not a good idea because “You know how Dad gets.” and she just sort of sighed and was like, “Oh okay…”
My dad has really done a lot for me over the past few years too. Like a LOT. He has fixed my car an unbelievable amount of times and given me money to help me get by and he’s just been an all around super star Father (when he’s not lecturing my ears off or talking politics and religion of course which we completely disagree on! lol)
I want him to have this. This one thing in my life is his moment and I don’t want to spoil it because my mom wants to have some sort of competition with him and be all passive aggresive about it. I want her to understand too that I want my Dad to have his shining moment where he gives away his only daughter to the man of her dreams and the love of her life. In my opinion he completely deserves it after all the stepping up he’s done as a dad in the last 6-7 years.
Also I am glad I wrote this because now I think I know exactly how to explain this to my mother and make her understand… Dad just wants his moment to prove his Fatherhood and he’s gonna get it!
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
I am having my mother and dad (step-father technically but he is my dad) walk me down the aisle together. But that is because I really want them both to give me away.
If YOU want just your dad to walk you down the aisle. Then that is what you should do. I personally would ask that he uses the words Her Mother and I or Her Family and I when Asked who gives this woman to be wed. I think it is sweet to represent both sets of parents in that way.
Post # 3
I loved reading this! It was great watching you come to the realization as you wrote it. You really gave yourself the best advice and I think you should stick with your dad walking you down the aisle. It’ll be a special moment for just the two of you. Enjoy!
Post # 4
Im having my mother and her husband [techinically my step father, but I do not call him Dad or anything as we are close in age] walk me down the aisle.
However, my father hasn’t been around for nearly 10 years, he texts me once a year, and he plans to go to the wedding, but he surely doesn’t derserve to walk me down the aisle.
Can you make a compromise between your parents? Maybe have your mother walk you down halfway and then your dad walks you the rest and gives you away?
Post # 5
My mom refused to walk me down the aisle (but didn’t want anyone else to either), she said she didn’t want to miss me walking down so she wants me to walk by myself. I wanted her to walk me down but I’m happy as long as she’s happy. I say let your mom also walk you down, your dad is still walking you down your mom just is too, so if it avoids drama just let them both do it!
Post # 6
winterwoodlandbride15: It’s funny because I really did. I wrote the whole thing looking for advice and then I was like…omg I know how to say this now. But I had already typed the whole thing and didn’t want it to go to waste so I just went ahead and posted it as silly as it sounds. lol
I am thinking of having the parents all walk first before the bridal procession begins, so my mom and my step-dad walk and seat themselvse at the front, my Fi’s mom and his older brother walk and seat at the front, and his dad and his step-mom walk and seat at the front. This way all the parents are still included and my dad still gets his moment with me. I may have the officiant say that the family gives me away though or I’ll just toss that line out completely (really, my family does not own me and we don’t live in the stone age where dads own their daughters). My Fi didn’t even ask permission to marry me because he doesn’t need it, no one owns me, I am not chattel. =/
Post # 7
Pasithea: I have the same issue. Although my mom hasnt explicity asked she has dropped hints. She is my stepmom technically and although we have grown a bit closer, I really dont have a good relationship with her. They are also divorced. I am very close to my dad and I just want him to walk me down and give me away, I will not be doing the joint thing.
Post # 8
If your dad wasn’t in the picture, then I would say that your mom totally should walk you down the aisle, but that is not the case here.
You need to talk to your mom and explain to her how this is important to you and that regardless of their divorce and their issues with eachother, it is not fair that she puts you right in the middle of their drama and dislike towards eachother. Your dad is still your dad and this is something you have always wished for. She needs to get over it and not stress you out about this.
Post # 9
Pasithea: I think it’s fine if you want to let your dad walk you down the aisle alone, but I would also think about another way that you can give your mom an equally special moment in the wedding. I think traditional weddings put a lot of emphasis on the dad (walking down the aisle, father-daughter dance) and very little on the mom, which kind of sucks. If there’s a way you can figure out how to give her some special recognition in the wedding, I think it would be nice.
Post # 10
My husband and I both walked down the aisle, at both our daughters’ weddings. Both they and we wouldn’t have conisdered doing it any other way. In our family/social circles it’s become much more common for years, than just the father walking. Some processionals also incorporate step parents, and of course, the parents of the groom process with their son in many religions/cultures.
As a mother, I can completely see her side. And it has nothing to do with being competitive. She’s been there for you your whole life, where you say your Dad has stepped-up the last 6-7 years. I certainly don’t want to start an argument here, or play devil’s advocate, but honestly, if I was your mother, I’d feel hurt.
Post # 11
I agree with your decisions and reasons. And from what you expalined in your orginal post, would it be safe to assume your mothers intentions of walking you down the isle are not coming from a genuine place but more as a jab to your father?
Post # 12
just a thought: would you want to give your mother a reading, or a blessing or some other kind of honor so that she feels recognized? not that she should need one, but one that you would want to give her?