Post # 1
My mother is driving me insane. I’ve already posted on here about her being a Momzilla. Well, my grandmother told her off and she laid off for a while (after attempting to book my ceremony location without my knowledge) well she knew that I wanted to make the guestbook. I’m an artist and wanted to make something. It was really important to me, and she knew that. Well I won a card box at a bridal show a few weeks ago. It doesn’t match my wedding at all it’s ivory with tassels and is very not-me. I was going to add stuff to it to fit in better but was going to use it because it’s a $60 card box that was free.
Welll…. she was at a wedding store and saw coordinating flower girl and ring bearer accessories along with a guest book and pen. She bought them all!!!! Full price at that!!! So now I have all this white tassel-y stuff that won’t fit in at all! The flower girl thing and pillow is okay because i can add stuff to it (although NOT THRILLED that it is white!) but the guest book and pen… I want to cry. I know it’s stupid but it’s something that I wanted to make. Plus, why should everything match the stupid card box?! The most annoying thing is how she just bought everything! The brand is EXPENSIVE and all that stuff was probably $100 + combined. I could have put that toward something I actually wanted. She never asks she just buys. It drives me insane.
She told me over fb and I told her I wanted to do the guestbook and I have a very specific pen I wanted (fancy feather pen!) she hasn’t written back. She is an unmedicated bi-polar so I can only imagine what she is going to say. She is so hard to deal with. I know it’s not big details but after all the other stuff she has done it’s just the icing on the cake (that she probably booked already).
I just needed to rant. I’m really upset. My fiance feels the same way (as does my SIL, who is the one who sent my grandmother to yell at her) so I know it’s not just me :(.
Post # 3
Does she keep the receipts? Just return them. Say you need it for the sake of keeping track of the budget.
Or just take them and don’t use them. Sucks that she wasted her money.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t use her stuff AT ALL. Doing so just confirms that she should have bought it. Instead tell her to take it back. If she can’t take it back that’s too bad, she shouldn’t have bought it in the first place.
Post # 5
She bought them as this obscure place in another state about 3 hours away. She’s out to get me I swear >.<
She responded to my message with “well you can put a ribbon on it and just buy another pen I bought them because I wanted everything to match”. But that’s the thing! The card box doesn’t match ANYTHING I thought that was bad enough! It doesn’t go with my color scheme or theme. They are still going to be the only white thing in the wedding. My dress isn’t even white- it’s ivory. My flower girl isn’t going to be wearing white either so it’s not going to match well with her. The only thing I don’t mind is the pillow because I don’t care. But ugh white.
Post # 6
Can you just say something to her like, “Mom, I know you were trying to help and I love you for it, but these just aren’t things I want. Please return them?”
Off topic, but could you please refer to her as “a person with bipolar who is unmedicated?” She’s a person first, and her mental illness is only one aspect of her.
Post # 7
You poor thing
Seems like she wants to help. Maybe ask her next time who she is marrying seeing she bought a lot of stuff for herself LOL
Post # 8
Pick your battles. It sounds like she’s genuinely trying to help, even if her tastes are misguided. Do you really want to fight with your mother over a pen or a pillow that absolutely no one but you is going to notice? Put her in charge of some things/decisions/purchases that you don’t mind delegating, so she’ll stay busy and feel like she’s contributing, but also learn how to accept her gifts graciously, even if they’re not at ll what you want. Just pretend that it’s an ugly Christmas sweater or something, and make a big fuss over whatever you delegate to her so she’ll feel like you value her help.
Post # 9
I told her about how I wanted to decorate the box and now I’ll have to decorate all the stuff she bought… She just sent me a message saying she went and bought stuff to decorate the box with. I’m praying it’s nothing awful.
I’m happy she’s trying to help but… she’s trying to turn it into her wedding. There was a point last month where she picked the ceremony location(horrible), cake flavor (one that I don’t even like), reception space, menu (nothing vegetarian! I am vegetarian!), COLORS, everything. It was a clone of her wedding. Luckily I found out before she made anything permanent. My grandmother told her off and she stopped for a couple weeks. I don’t mind that she helps but I wish she would run things by me before spending a bunch of money.
There’s no reasoning with her. I JUST told her the day I made this post to not buy anything else without asking/showing me it first, now today she tells me she bought stuff to put on the box. ARgghhhh. She’s in a manic episode, there is no hope at this point >.<
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
The only form of communication I could tell was happening is over FB…how about over the phone? Maybe that or face-to-face communication would create more of an imprint on your mom on how you want your wedding to go…other than that, all I can say is that I hope she kept receipts for the stuff she bought that you don’t like. It does sound like she’s trying to help though…
Post # 11
Stop telling her your ideas and what you want. Tell her that you have already discussed with her not to buy these things but she continues and you will not be made to feel obligated to use them if they aren’t what you want.
Remind her that if she buys something at an obscure store and can’t get her money back, that is her problem. Sounds like she is being a controlling mobzilla who doesn’t want to back off.
Set boundaries now.
Three time MOB
Post # 12
Be honest and blunt with her. Tell her you don’t need those things and tell her to return it.
Post # 13
@lizzimi: Post them in the classifieds on this site and send her the link – lol
Post # 14
@lizzimi seems to me your mom is trying to help. I’m sure she means well. I think you should be thankful you have a mother who is trying to help and be supportive. A lot of posts i see are about Bees whose mothers arnt there for them, dont help and are unsupportive.
I understand what you’re saying. My mom bought me toasting glasses that look like they belong in the 80’s but I’m thankful none the less. I don’t believe people are going to remember my 80’s looking toasting glasses when the wedding is over. You should just ask her to be more mindful that you’re vision may not be what hers is. And maybe you can suggest that you both can go shopping for little details the next time you see each other.
By the way, I’m sorry this DRIVES ME CRAZY…. your mother is NOT “an unmedicated bi-polar”….
She HAS bi-polar.
It;s like saying someone who is diagnosed with cancer is cancer. sorry end rant lol
Post # 15
I know how you feel my FMIL is doing the same thing. If she is like my FMIL you can’t just say”no” without it turning into a whole big thing. I’m sorry I don’t have much advise because I’m in the same boat.
Most of our wedding is DIY, including the food. She takes this as she can put whatever she wants on the buffet table. She has been going on about crock pots for 8 months now even though I bought nice steamers to put all the food in. There will be no crock pots. Now FI went to her house yesterday and she had bough a bunch of potato chips. POTATO CHIPS! He told here there were not going to be POTATO CHIPS on my buffet table, she threw a fit.
Post # 16
I just flat out would say thanks for the gesture, but I am (not I want) I AM going to make my own guestbook, mom.