Post # 1
I’m not even a month into planning my wedding and I can already tell I’m going to have a big problem on my hands….
Having a casual conversation with my mom and I told her we had picked a date! September 24th, 2011. I told her I was thinking purple and green as my colors and that I had a photographer in mind.
She had opinions gallore on all accounts! “September is not a great month to get married, purple and green? wouldn’t you prefer something more romantic? And dont settle on a photographer, there are lots out there!”
Any advice on how to keep my mom in the loop but not let her ruin this for me? Please keep in mind she is paying for a significant chunk of our big day! Yikes! Help!
Post # 3
Haha I can see where you are coming from! But she does seem like she just wants to help.
Does she expected to be included in the decision making because she is paying? or is she just kinda letting you go?
If she doesn’t need to be involved in most decisions I would probably tell her after the fact. And ignore any snide remarks!
If she is going to be really involved I would probably sit down with her and explain your overall vision. Maybe that way she will jump on board instead of trying to push you in the directions of her dream wedding for her little girl 😉
Post # 4
Thanks for the reply! I think it’s a combination of both! I am the oldest and only girl in the family, so I think she’s thinking “I only get to do this once” forgetting that I, the bride, also only get to do this once! lol
she’s wonderful and of course I appreciate the help, just want to do it my way! 🙂
Post # 5
My Mom very much wanted a traditional wedding. The whole way through the wedding process we butted heads on everything. Once the wedding was over she was very happy with everything and you would never have thought she didn’t like most of my decisions along the way. It may help to show your Mom pictures of more modern weddings. My Mom was used to the matching bridal party, white cake, white shoes, rose bouquets, etc. Good luck and do stay strong!
Post # 6
I agree with what’s been said.
My first impression of her reaction, was actually that she might have been surprised or hurt that you’ve made up your mind, without even asking for her opinion. As a mom, (and having a daughter) I think one of those big milestones you really look forward to with your daughter is helping her plan her wedding. Some moms are “better” about it than others. But if she’s paying I’d try to include her.
If you have your heart set on some aspects (ie purple and green), I’d try to attack it as showing her what your vision is, using pics as kaybee mentioned. Whatever you find -table linens, centerpieces, Bm dresses, bouquets. I’d think she’d come around. (Some color schemes I wouldn’t exactly choose for myself, really do pull together well, when you see it all in place.)
Make sure she goes with you to try on dresses and sample the cakes etc.
It sounds like you two actaully have the same general idea of how you’d like the wedding to go. If so, it’s a blessing, I hope both of you realize. Many times brides and moms have such different visions of the big day. It can really take the wind out of one or both of their sails.
Post # 7
Thanks for the posts!! I am def. trying to include her and help her to see my ideas without conflict. OUr biggest issues is that she’s a very harsh person, I’m very soft spoken so Im sensitive to her criticism. Oh well! We’ll make it work!
Post # 8
The same thing happened to me right after we got engaged. She was terrible! BUT, that being said, after I talked to her about it she has been amazing ever since. I really think our Mom’s are in a bit of denial that we’re old enough to get married (I’m 34). In their eyes we’re still little girls. Good luck!
Post # 9
If she is holding the checkbook then no matter what she gets a say on what her money goes towards. When you bring things up to her you could always bring her a few different ideas that you like and let her pick from something that you already know you like so it wont be something you hate. (i.e.: show her like 3 different invites that you have already screened and like and let her choose from one of those) You could also make sure to back your ideas up with picutes. Sometimes it’s hard for people to see the same thing you see if you don’t describe it well. Good luck!!!
Post # 10
dont talk to her about everything. keep her in the loop about a few things only – maybe a dress shopping trip, or picking out the venue, or the flowers. But as soon as you fill her in on every little detail you are bound to get a momzilla.