(Closed) Momentos from an ex?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

hmmmm, good question. I have photos with ex-flames I won’t describe what we’re doing but you get the picture; are you supposed to destroy all your photos of ex’s/ Uncompromising situations  I can understand, but what about other good times you had; are you supposed to destroy them all? They were not the one but wouldn’t it be nice to havea  little momento of that time in your life? there was a time of your life when you once shared that time with someone else it is over.

 

I know my mom kept picture of her old boyfriends, they’re still in our old house, my dad has pics of girls he dated, but it was harmless back then. I think people are a bit more forward and bold now in terms of pictures, is it okay to keep a few, if they’re not that bold?

Post # 4
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yikes. I would just explain what happened, just like you did. As in, I thought I had gotten rid of them and completely forgot! As in, ex- is completely out of my mind! You can also assure him (if it’s true) that those were the only copies of the photos. 

Most of my mementos from exes are still around for the simple reason that I don’t feel like going through old junk. It’s that far in the past. 

But I hear you on how hard it is to forgive the past. Good luck. I know you two can get beyond this. 

Post # 5
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

It seems kind of irrational to me that your fiance would be upset with you about things you did with an ex.  Taking naughty photos is hardly something outrageous to do, in fact, I imagine you’ve taken some with your fiance.  Is he upset because he thinks you lied about taking the photos?  Or is he upset because he thinks you were keeping them to remember good times with your ex?  If you explain to your fiance what you told us, I can’t imagine how he could stay mad. 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

The past is the past and i could sure see why he would be hurt a little but it shouldn’t have been more then that considering he is the man you are going to marry.Old photos are not going to change that. Explain that you planned on getting rid of them but you were in a bind from other people  seeing them so you threw them in there until you had time to get rid of them on your own. I wish i could hug you right now but i think you fiance is the one who needs the hugs and reassurance of how much you love him. I have old photos of my ex but we were together 13 yrs and 3 kids later but its of my children and their father(not me) . The pics i do have of my ex with me and our children are stored away for them to have when they get older and my fiance does not have a problem with that. I sure hope he comes around and forgives you.

Post # 8
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

Ha ha! I’m a long-time lurker, and I actually signed up just so I could respond to this. Yes! This has happened to me, but in reverse…

 My fiance and I met at a conference, and one day several months later he was showing me old photos on his computer. I saw that he had a folder for the same conference where we had met, but from several years prior (that I hadn’t attended), and I wanted to see the pics! I thought we’d see some of our friends from the conference, maybe a pic or two of the wildlife, a sunset… The first dozen or so were just what I expected, but then all of a sudden I’m looking at a photo of a cute blonde jumping around on the bed in her underwear (hey, at least she was kind of clothed, right?). He immediately turned beet red and flipped the laptop closed – he had no idea he still had those!

 The pictures themselves didn’t actually bother me – just gave me a giggle and some serious leverage for the next week or so (although that *was* the moment I learned that his ex is really, really good-looking). Frankly, though, if he were the one who found pictures of me, he would have pouted for days.

 

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my partner use to take portfolio pics for ladies that were interested in getting into the centerfold market and he has dozens of volumes of proofs of these ladies and i have no issues with their existance (although i cant compete with any of them in the body stakes). they currently reside in a storage unit so i guess one day they will be destroyed.  hes not embarrassed by them, he made good money and it was a professional business at the time

its not as bad as the time he called me his ex gf’s name while in bed…. but thats another story!

 

Post # 10
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

@eloping: Whoa! Finding nakey pics is ok, but getting called another girl’s name in bed crosses my line.

 

I wanted to add that the problem with finding things like risque pics of your partner, especially after you think they don’t exist, is that we build up these images of our partner in our head (i.e.,  my partner might do x, y, and z, but they would never do *that*, etc.). In the end it turns out that the pics aren’t such a big deal, but that moment of discovery is a little rough – you have to accomodate this new information about your partner with this old image of them, and it can take a little time. I learned something about my partner that I wasn’t exactly thrilled with, but I just had to ask myself if it was something I could live with. It was.

 Miss Scarlett, you say the hardest thing in your relationship is forgiving each other’s past – I think that’s totally normal. But there are advantages, too, to knowing each other for as long and as well as you have: there aren’t going to be many surprises about your fiance’s character, and you probably have a better idea than most as to how compatible you’ll be in the long run. It’s a trade-off.

As far as the pictures go, I’m glad you worked it out. You’re definitely right about it being a personal decision to keep or get rid of past-relationship momentos… I don’t have much from my previous relationships, because I don’t see the point. Some people might be more nostalgic than I am, though.

 

Post # 11
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I would remind your fiance that when you told him that nothign existed you were being honest – because you thought you destroyed them yrs ago.

A good relationship is based on trust. I can understand he feels lied to, but remind him that you’ve always been honest and that he shouldn’t take your mistake to mean anything other than what it was – a mistake. He trusted you enough to say he wanted to marry you, so he should trust you enough to know you’re being honest.

 

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