Post # 1
Long story short
I pay my mom to watch my LO, i give her 300 biweekly plus 100 for food, so thats 800 a month.
I recently received a raise, i get $20/hr and i work 7hrs a day. So i was thinking of giving her an extra 100 every two weeks. BUT SO doesnt want me to, he says that just because i got a raise doesnt mean it has anything to do with my mom.
Our relationship isnt on the best terms, we argue alot but we still live together which will be until next feb or march.
I havent even mentioned my raise to her because honestly i feel obligated to give her more money. and i KNOW the first thing shes going to say is ” are you going to pay me more?”
Ive leased two cars for her for the past 4 years, and i got a car out for my dad too, they pay it but its my name on the documents.
Her lease is up in november and i told her this is the last lease/buy im doing for them, i have an audi that SO gifted to me and was paid in full, but i want a new car at some point.
So what im getting is at do i give her a raise? Do i just tell her and not give her extra money, since im already doing enough for her. and i cant hide the fact i got a raise because once i get her another car out she’ll find out.
Post # 3
I’m sorry, but I don’t think my mother would ever accept any money from me to watch her grandchild, esp $800 a month. I think you have been overly generous to your parents. You are an adult. You do not really need to discuss your financial decisions with your parents any longer, imo anyways.
Post # 4
@Missus_LLC: She’s getting paid what you would pay a in home daycare, at least for my area.
As someone who used to pay their parent’s rent for them as well as food:
You need to let your mom fail. If she’s bad with money and makes poor choices, you bailing her out and giving her more money isn’t going to help her, you, or your relationship. It will be hard, but she’ll learn
Post # 5
You seem to be pretty entangled in your parents’ finances, so this is a tricky situation.
First of all, as an adult, no, your mother doesn’t need to know you received a raise, AKA how you got the money to get a new car. How you and your SO handle bills are none of her business.
Secondly, I think you need to talk this through with your SO and decide if you want to give your mom a raise – he’s the only other person whose opinion matters in this situation. Though, it doesn’t really sound like you want to give her a raise, more like you think she’d feel entitled to a raise because you got one. If you don’t want to, don’t do it.
Post # 6
I think you and your husband need to set boundaries with your parents. They shouldn’t know anything about your money. You already probably use a high percentage of your available credit on your credit report with all those leases. That kind of thing hurts your credit score.
Any raises you get should go right into retirement saving or to pay down debt. Don’t give it away or buy more stuff.
Post # 7
Your raise has nothing to do with the money you pay your mother. If you brought your child to a daycare you wouldn’t have to pay more because you got a raise.
Post # 8
She doesn’t need to know that you got a raise and I don’t think it’s any of her business, anyway. $800/month is a deal for FT childcare provided by someone you know and trust, but she also isn’t a licensed provider and I assume you’re paying her under the table so don’t feel guilty.
Post # 9
I find that $800 a month is very generous to give a family member for childcare.
Post # 10
It’s none of your mom’s business how much money you earn, and what you earn has nothing to do with what SHE earns. You’re talking about giving your mom $1,000 a month to watch her grandchild. That seems like highway robbery to me, as my parents would never consider that.
And if you said this is the last car you’re doing for her, why would she eventually find out.
I totally side with your Fiance on this.
Post # 11
I’d never expect to pay my mother to help me watch my kid, especially not the amount you pay her! I say keep the money for yourself. It’s none of her business if you get a raise or not – you don’t have to tell her and she has no right to ask about it even if you get a new car.
Post # 12
I think it’s kind of absurd that she is asking for a raise because you got a raise. Our parents consider it an honor to watch our LOs (if/when they arrive) and would do it for free, including food (not that we would really make them do it all for free and then some). That being said, if she is hard up for money and you and SO can afford to give her a little bit extra, then I don’t think it’s a bad idea. For example, DH’s parents are on a very very very fixed income and they have to be very careful with money. As such, if they were watching our children and we could afford to give them a little more spending money each month, we would very likely do so.
Post # 13
Hold up. You leased 2 cars for her in the past and 1 for your dad too? Stop that. Seriously. They are adults and you don’t need yours and possibly your SO’s credit wrecked if they cannot pay for the cars in your name.
When you say you still live together, does that mean you and your little one/SO live with her or that she lives with you? I ask this because I wonder about rent being paid. If you live with her and you don’t pay her rent but pay her to take care of your child, or if she lives with you and she doesn’t pay rent…it makes a difference IMO.
My immediate thought was: Hells no to a raise. I don’t have children yet, but I already know my mom wouldn’t accept $800 a month to watch her grandchild whether I lived with her or not.
Post # 14
Was your mom going to work if she wasn’t watching your baby? I feel like she is very fairly compensated for something that most grandmas willingly love to do. Your mom needs to understand that every dollar you give to her takes away from her granddaughter.
Post # 15
The way i was raised was to give back to them for what theyve done for me, ive worked since i was 16 and when i landed a pretty good job as an admin i would give them them 1000 a month before i was with SO.
I love my mom but shes prety greedy and when she found out i was pregnant she volunteered for babysitting and knew i would pay her, she always says i pay her shit money.
i know SOs mom wouldnt charge us money bt she lives out of state,and my mom says no one owould watch her for free. SO and i dont even go out because we have no babysitter apart from my mom.
i guess i feel more obligated than anything to give her ectra money because im making more. i talked to SO and hes super against it, even my bff said that i shouldnt give her more, and ive known her longer than ive known SO.
I say she’d find out because im getting them one more car out and once i fill out the paperwork and everything she will be there, and she has a thing of making things awkward and blowing them out of proportion.
Post # 16
Yes i leased two cars for her, and “bought” one for my dad, and im buying another one this month too, which SO doesnt agree with but they have no credit what so ever and only my dad works.
We live together but we split the rent and the light bill and the grocery shopping, we were gong to buy a duplex but we couldnt because SOs credit isnt so good.
My moms never worked.