(Closed) Mom/Money Dilemma: please advise

posted 5 years ago in Money
  • poll: pay her more?
    no : (49 votes)
    92 %
    yes : (4 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 3
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I’m sorry, but I don’t think my mother would ever accept any money from me to watch her grandchild, esp $800 a month. I think you have been overly generous to your parents. You are an adult. You do not really need to discuss your financial decisions with your parents any longer, imo anyways.

    Post # 4
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Missus_LLC:  She’s getting paid what you would pay a in home daycare, at least for my area.

    As someone who used to pay their parent’s rent for them as well as food:

    You need to let your mom fail. If she’s bad with money and makes poor choices, you bailing her out and giving her more money isn’t going to help her, you, or your relationship. It will be hard, but she’ll learn

    Post # 5
    2213 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MissFireFlower:  +1

    You seem to be pretty entangled in your parents’ finances, so this is a tricky situation. 

    First of all, as an adult, no, your mother doesn’t need to know you received a raise, AKA how you got the money to get a new car.  How you and your SO handle bills are none of her business.

    Secondly, I think you need to talk this through with your SO and decide if you want to give your mom a raise – he’s the only other person whose opinion matters in this situation.  Though, it doesn’t really sound like you want to give her a raise, more like you think she’d feel entitled to a raise because you got one.  If you don’t want to, don’t do it.


    Post # 6
    1186 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I think you and your husband need to set boundaries with your parents. They shouldn’t know anything about your money.  You already probably use a high percentage of your available credit on your credit report with all those leases. That kind of thing hurts your credit score.

    Any raises you get should go right into retirement saving or to pay down debt. Don’t give it away or buy more stuff.


    Post # 7
    2386 posts
    Buzzing bee


    Your raise has nothing to do with the money you pay your mother. If you brought your child to a daycare you wouldn’t have to pay more because you got a raise. 

    Post # 8
    1659 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    She doesn’t need to know that you got a raise and I don’t think it’s any of her business, anyway. $800/month is a deal for FT childcare provided by someone you know and trust, but she also isn’t a licensed provider and I assume you’re paying her under the table so don’t feel guilty. 

    Post # 9
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I find that $800 a month is very generous to give a family member for childcare. 

    Post # 10
    2638 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2006

    It’s none of your mom’s business how much money you earn, and what you earn has nothing to do with what SHE earns. You’re talking about giving your mom $1,000 a month to watch her grandchild. That seems like highway robbery to me, as my parents would never consider that.

    And if you said this is the last car you’re doing for her, why would she eventually find out.

    I totally side with your Fiance on this.

    Post # 11
    11752 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’d never expect to pay my mother to help me watch my kid, especially not the amount you pay her! I say keep the money for yourself. It’s none of her business if you get a raise or not – you don’t have to tell her and she has no right to ask about it even if you get a new car. 

    Post # 12
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I think it’s kind of absurd that she is asking for a raise because you got a raise. Our parents consider it an honor to watch our LOs (if/when they arrive) and would do it for free, including food (not that we would really make them do it all for free and then some). That being said, if she is hard up for money and you and SO can afford to give her a little bit extra, then I don’t think it’s a bad idea. For example, DH’s parents are on a very very very fixed income and they have to be very careful with money. As such, if they were watching our children and we could afford to give them a little more spending money each month, we would very likely do so.

    Post # 13
    1274 posts
    Bumble bee

    Hold up. You leased 2 cars for her in the past and 1 for your dad too? Stop that. Seriously. They are adults and you don’t need yours and possibly your SO’s credit wrecked if they cannot pay for the cars in your name. 

    When you say you still live together, does that mean you and your little one/SO live with her or that she lives with you? I ask this because I wonder about rent being paid. If you live with her and you don’t pay her rent but pay her to take care of your child, or if she lives with you and she doesn’t pay rent…it makes a difference IMO. 

    My immediate thought was: Hells no to a raise. I don’t have children yet, but I already know my mom wouldn’t accept $800 a month to watch her grandchild whether I lived with her or not. 

    Post # 14
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Was your mom going to work if she wasn’t watching your baby? I feel like she is very fairly compensated for something that most grandmas willingly love to do. Your mom needs to understand that every dollar you give to her takes away from her granddaughter.

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