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does your dh still call his mother "mommy"? it really bugs me because he's a grown man (in his 3rd decade of life). i feel like mil has trouble letting go. it's kind of hard because he comes from a rather sensitive/emotional family. i have no idea how to approach this. i've jokingly teased him about it before but i don't know if he gets that it kinda creeps me out. she also has a cutesy nickname for him (like something you would use for a 5yr old).
anyone else have this problem?
my hubby doesnt but i would be a teeny bit freak by it so i understand what you mean.... please tell me she isnt a kiss on the lips kinda mum
WOW - I don't have that problem but it would bug me too!!!!
I think sometimes both of us (myself and FI) call our mom's mommy if we are joking around with them asking them to buy us dinner or something silly! For instance when my mom buys me something when I would just buy it myself I always say "Thanks Mommy" like I am 5!!!!
But if he did it on his own all the time I think I would be quite creeped out by it!
It reminds me of the SATC episode where Charlotte walks in on Tre in the bathtub with his mom in the room!!! LOL
@eloping. luckily they are just a hug kind of family. i don't think we would have made it to the altar if they were a kiss kind. LOL.
he doesn't say mommy all the time. usually when he calls her on the phone. but the point is, i've heard him do it! i hope this is a transitional thing seeing as how we haven't been married that long. let's hope it is!
oh wow, that would totally creep me out too lol, my fiance doesn't do that but it does bother me that his "mommy" has such a hard time letting go, it's so bad that I dread seeing her car pull up in front of our house!
Just this summer I had it pointed out to me by a family friend that I still call my parents Mommy and Daddy- but ONLY when I talk to my sister. Weird.
I had no idea that she and I did that. We both call them Mommy/Daddy, but only when we're talking to each other. When speaking to others it's Mom/Dad.
My husband doesn't seem to mind. I don't know why it's big deal if it's a term of endearment.
I'd probably have a harder time dealing with a husband that addressed his parents as Mother/Father.
My husband still calls his mom and dad Mommy and Daddy. It doesn't bother me; like rosychicklet, I just consider it another term of endearment. Anyway, he's never said it bothers him when I kiss my parents/relatives on the lips. :)
I can see where that would creep you out a little. He'll always be his mother's "little boy", though. My FI's mother calls him some cutesy little name, but it's in spanish and I really can't remember what it is. No big deal for me. And she's an air-kiss on the cheek kind of person.
LOL @Future Mrs. Martin!!! That episode of SATC was hilarious!! It would definitely bug me if FI had a "Trey and Bunny" relationship with his mom, hahaha! Luckily I don't have that problem... he just calls them plain 'ol Mom and Dad.
I always hate the words mommy and daddy. Even when i was growing up and I heard my friends calling their parents that it would make me sick to my stomach. In my opinion, once you are older than 3 you should start calling them mom and dad.
I would voice your concern more with your husband. I wouldn't stand for that childish behavior!
Yeah...that wouldn't slide with me.
I haven't called my own mother mommy since I was like 5 years old. I call her by "mother", and my fiance calls his mom by "mother" too.
My dad calls his mother "mommy" most of the time and he's in his 50's. I have never considered is creepy, BUT I can see how it could be taken weirdly... if it really bothers you, better to talk it out now than for it to end up being some big, blow-out-of-proportion thing when you're married... :)
Honestly...I think it's weird that my SO calls his mom "mother" or "ma'am". I can't imagine calling my Mama either of those...I alternate between Mama and Mommy and Mom, generally Mama though.
That would kinda bug me. My FI doesn't but his aunt calls her mom (FI's grandma) Mommy. And it bugs FI's dad SO much. Not sure if you could follow all of that, lol. Anyway, it would definitely bug me and I'm not once to mince words so he would definitely hear about it from me.
Oh wow, that would really annoy me too - I'd talk to him about it...he may not even realize he does it!
As a happily married woman and MOB I say let him call her Mommy and laugh when she calls him 'sweet names". I raised 5 sons...we are all very close. My husband adored him Mom and i promise you that marrying a Man who loves his Mom is the best thing you can do to assure a happy marriage...let it go. You'll get use to it!
whoo hoo kazoochair, you hit the nail on the head when you said marrying a man who loves his mom is the best thing you can do to assure a happy marriage! This is the truth.
My FI still calls his parents mommy and daddy and behaves around them like a 5 year old I swear.
Creepy I agree ---- but you can't do much about it
I have a friend who calls her parents mommy and daddy and even at our age (23), I find it slightly creepy and weird.
But that's just me.
Eh, I don't see the big deal. I generally refer to my parents as "Mom and dad" but if I'm talking to my sister, we always refer to them as "mommy and daddy". I think there's far creepier nicknames and relationship dynamics out there. ;)
DH calls both his parents by their first names. That's kind of weird to me, acutally, but I guess saying Mommy would be weird too. I still call my father Daddy ... he teases that it's not Southern to call him "Dad". I don't use Mommy, though.
I'm on this side of letting it go - it's not a big deal. A change of terminology won't likely help MIL let go. That's your bigger problem, and the name is just a symptom.
Occassionally I'll call my mom "mommy" but it's in a different context, like if she calls me i'll pick up the phone and in a goofy/joking kinda voice say "hulloooo mommy" but it's not like, "hey mommy what's for dinner?"
I just think it's a little....inappropriate and juvenile for a grown man to call his mom mommy? Momma, mom, ma, mother, yeah. Double standard I guess. I call my mom Momma a lot but it really depends on HOW i'm addressing her or talking to her. like if she says something weird, I go, "oh momma, what am I goign to do with you?"
I just feel like it's different for men than women to an extent and if I heard "mommy" escape my husband's mouth I think all of a sudden I'd go, "wow are you 2?!"
Hm - this is an interesting issue. Referring to your mother as 'mommy' as an adult does seem childlike but if it's what he likes, I'd leave it alone. My FI calls his mother, 'mom,' and I call my step mother, 'mom' so we don't really have that issue. At the same time though, I do sometimes refer to my father as 'papa' - something from childhood. It's most likely a comforting thing subconsciously - it brings back loving, safe childhood memories of his mother when he uses that term. I think it also has to do with where you grow up. Something I heard a lot while living in the south (and throughout my southern family's references to others), is people referring to their parents as 'mama and daddy.'
I AM the mom of an 11 yo son. He calls me mommy sometimes but mom most of the time. I am and WILL be his mom for life. It is what it is. We have the greatest relationship ever!
A different perspective is coming from a mom ok?
The bond b/w mom and son is just like the invisible and amazingly strong bond that I had with my dad. It is how it is. And if he wants to call me mom or mommy when he's my age that's ok w/me. I call my mom mom too. I am 40. My son opens doors for ladies, pulls their chairs out, and says yes ma'am and no ma'am. But those are just GOOD manners.
Embracing the mom of your FI is a GOOD thing and recognizing that many of us moms out there SACRIFICED ALOT to raise our children (I have been a single mom for seven years now) and that we do it out of love is what needs to be remembered. Heck I could have had hundreds of spa days and vacations or designer purses for the amount I've willingly spent getting things for my boy. And let's also face it..it's good to be getting along with the MIL. That's an important thing to do. I do know that one day my son will be given (along with T as well) our opinion on "the girl"..
When you live together you have your own life, but you'll always be the child of your parents and him the child of his parents. We get that. My parents got that. But there is nothing wrong with saying mom or mommy (when I was in labor I remember crying and my mom was holding my hand and I called her that out of sheer pain)or dad or daddy. I STILL called my dad "daddy" all the time, up until he passed away 10 years ago. I'd give anything to be able to call him daddy today and have him right in front of me to hug.
thanks for all the different perspectives.
i agree with ejs4y8 that it is a bit of a double standard. it's not as weird if i hear a female refer to her parents as mommy or daddy. i personally refer to my mother as mama and use mommy when i'm talking to my younger sister. as for the bond between mother and son, i completely understand as i consider myself a daddy's girl. i guess the real issue is that he is still coddled as if he were 5. if it was just a namesake i wouldn't be as weirded out. but it's not cool to have her always call him to see if we've done our "chores" and such and assume that we don't know how to cook and always eat out (which is so far from the truth). still, she is a very sweet MIL. just overbearing at times imo. but as pps have pointed out, moms that are close to their sons raise their sons to be very caring partners.
I think the most important thing (rather than if he calls his mother, "Mommy") is how her relationship with your FI and you is. Is she overbearing? Does she butt her nose into your personal matters? Do you feel like she is trying to take him away from you as opposed to co-exist peacefully with you since you are now the main woman in his life? If she doesn't do any of these things and is genuinelly making an effort to be a good mother-in-law, I wouldn't worry about what he calls her. It is a little weird, but whatever. The most important thing is that you aren't dealing with an overbearing woman who is trying to keep her little boy (even though he is a grown adult) closer to her than he is to you.
I don't think I've ever heard bf address his parents in a way to get their attention. He refers to them as mam and dad (or when we're messing about 'the mama' and 'the papa'). I've never heard him call them mummy or daddy.
I call my parents allsorts. mum is: mum, mother (said in an operatic-ish sing songy voice!), mummy (if I want something) and mudda (from a poem "I love me mudda and me mudda love me"), dad is just daddy (if i want something) and dad (or even daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad ;) )
Would it bother me? Depends how it was used. If it is how I use it, then no. If it was constantly, I'd probably raise an eyebrow.
I know it's not a big deal, but it would creep me out a little too!
I don't know why "mom" is so normal and "mommy" is so... not... so I can't explain why it would rub me the wrong way!
I call my parents "momma" and "daddy" when speaking to them personally, and it will probably always be that way. When speaking about them, I call them "my mom" or "my dad", but I've just always called them "momma" and "daddy" as terms of endearment, and it would feel weird if I were to just stop now.
My FI doesn't call his mom "mommy." but she has some serious issues letting go. I heard her talking on the phone one night when we were visiting them, and she told whoever the hell she was on the phone with "I hope when Tim and Ariel get married, they stay here, and Tim gets a an awesome paying job, so I can quit my job." I was in the bathroom, and the guest bathroom wall is right up against their bedroom, and the walls are thin. I mean you really can hear anything through them. I was livid! I had to wash my face with cold water, cause my face was getting so red. I was like "We don't even live with you now, why would we after we get married! I am not staying here! I will go nuts!" hahaha. I told FI and he was like "HAHAHA! Don't worry, it won't happen, even if she begs." I love him so. =]
but really she is so emtional, I know if I ever told her things about her that bugged me or got on my nerves, she would have a nervous breakdown because of it. Otherwise she nice, and sweet, but sometimes it's just like "What are you thinking women?!" and she always calls him "Timmy." always. She never calls him "Tim, or Timothy." She's beem doing it since he was 5. At leadt that's what FI tells me. I could never call FI "timmy." it's so weird to me.
I think it would only bother me if I had an issue with his mom being too involved or nosy. Otherwise, I agree that marrying a man with a great relationship with his mother is one of the best ways to know you've got a great husband!
I think it's great that my DH has a wonderful relationship with his mother, but it seriously BUGS me when he calls her mommy and even worse, when she calls him baby names like 'peaches' or 'honey pie'. BLAH I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it. If it were only every so often I wouldn't mind so much but she never calls him by name, it's ALWAYS some dumb baby name that no man over the age of 12 should be subjected to.
I don't like it coming out of anyone's mouth, male or female, over the age of 10. And even w/ a child younger than 10, he/she had better have just scraped their knee and let the mommy slip out, otherwise that's weird too. I feel like 3rd grade could be a good cut off. Sorry, but you asked.
My FH calls his mother "mom" or her first name. I never address my parents by anything other than Mom and Dad. My step parents get their nicknames (of their real name, nothing cute), and I call FH's parents by their first names.
hmm, I still call my parents mommy and daddy on occasion. I guess it is sort of strange and childish, but I wouldn't associate what he calls her directly with how close they are. I.e. is your MIl is having a hard time cutting the aprons strings, there's more in the picture than just the name he calls her!
At the least, i don't think it's creepy--maybe it's just a habit.
Maybe it's b/c I am from the south but we don't do the Mom/Mother, Dad/Father thing...they are Mommy/Mama/Ma or Daddy/Da. Always have been...always will be no matter how old I get. It's the same way for my FI. It doesn't bother me at all. Plus...he has a great relationship with both of his parents so I know I am getting a good husband. If it's something your FI has been calling his mom all his life, I don't know that he would stop b/c he got married.
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