Post # 1
How are you ladies dealing with your Mommy issues? My mother is a wonderful person and always has good intentions but always manages to be incredibly overbearing/smothering. My fiancee and I are very low key private people mostly (I think) because of the chaos we were both were raised in (divorced families with tons of moving/travel). As a result, I tend to keep to myself more and try and turn down her many invites to do things. It isn’t that I don’t love her, its that its TOO MUCH all the time.
Over the course of the wedding planning she has had various melt downs about the big day. My step mom joining us for our hair the morning of (Step mom is no longer invited) and walking down the aisle has become a nightmare too. She believes strongly that my StepDad is my “Dad”. Sure, he’s helped raise me and I do love him but I have a good relationship with my biological Father and don’t want to take anything away from him. I decided I just wanted my Father to walk me down the aisle. Mom blew a gasket and had a tear filled meltdown of “how can you do this to us” Even though I said I was including my Step Dad in our own dance it wasn’t good enough.
So what do I do? Make it worse of course!! I tell her “If anyone should be walking me down, it should be you not him” and she takes that as her invitation to do so!! I have now been trying to tell her for weeks that I still JUST WANT DAD and she continues to get extremely emotional about it.
UGH, I love my Mom but she literally drives me insane!!
How are you dealing with Mommy issues leading up to the wedding?!
Post # 3
Oops, shoulda put this in emotional!!! Feel free to move it!!
Post # 4
Wow. I admire you for standing your ground. It sounds like your mom is throwing a tantrum fit for a three year old!
My strategy was never to argue about it. My mom would ask why and I would say “Why doesn’t matter because I am not changing my mind.” It shut her down every time.
Post # 5
@mightysaphire You have SUCH a good technique going on there!! I wish I stayed more firm about things with her. However, I tend to do the whole bait and switch thing to get her off topics (bad habit I know).
The part that is most stressful is now whenever she calls I just sigh loudly, roll my eyes, and try to not answer the phone. This behavior has rubbed off on my fiancee so everytime she invites us for a meal he gives that type of response. It makes me sad that I can’t get past these negative feelings towards her!!
Post # 6
Maybe there is some special way that you can think of to include all the special people in your day-YOUR way??? Do a brain storming for a special way to include each:
Since you are already having your dad walk you down the aisle. Best Wishes!!! 🙂
Post # 7
I am totally having mommy issues too! My mom is the opposite. She is completely uninterested in the wedding. When I asked if she wanted to be involved in the planning (I didn’t want to leave her out) she said “not particularly”. Before we told her we were engaged, I had to warn my FI that she wouldn’t be excited, and not to take offense. That is just her.
Recently, my FI and I have moved in together. When I told my mom, she totally flipped out and is now not speaking to me.
She has never committed to attending my wedding (it is a destination wedding in Mexico), and now with her anger over us living together, it seems pretty doubtful. Its unfortunate, as my dad has dementia and won’t be able to come (even if it was local) and my brother probably won’t come because he lives at home and won’t want to cross my mother. So at this point, it looks like the wedding will happen without any of my close family there.
Post # 8
@blondy ugh, aren’t Moms the worst sometimes? I can’t tell whats worse. Having one that can’t retract her claws or one that won’t even try stabbing you with them!
One lessons I’ve learned through all of this is that when I someday become a parent I’m not going to behave this way. You should take solace in the same thing Blondy. Have you tried talking to her to tell her how important she is to you? Could she be acting passive aggressive about the destination wedding? (not that thats right)
Doesn’t it just feel like you can’t win?
Post # 9
I’m convinced. After two tear filled “conversations” with my mom… no, you just can’t win. UGH! Mothers! Sometimes I wonder if they’re just doing this stuff because their moms did it to them!
Post # 10
@nskillet: Thanks nskillet. I am going to start by writing her a letter and hopefully that will open the door to an open face-to-face conversation.
Post # 11
@blondy that is a really respectful and responsible thing to do. I know how hard it is, trust me I do!!
I just hope I remember this when my little girl/boy gets married one day. I’m gunna be cool, just wait!