(Closed) Mommy's Taken Over-Rant

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’d let the subject drop.  2016 is a few years away.  Your mother’s reaction is a little over the top, but undoubtedly from being excited.  It’s impossible to sustain that kind of excitement for three years.  I just wouldn’t talk about it much, let things quiet down and then start quietly getting your ideas together over time so when 2015 rolls around, you already know what you want and she’ll have less opportunity to jump in.

Post # 4
Member
45395 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

People can only do to you what you let them. Have a talk with your Mom. Tell her you know she is excited but you need to be able to make decisions about your wedding with your FI. Ask her to hold off informing anyone else or making any wedding purchases as you don’t want her to be wasting money on things you won’t use.

Post # 5
Member
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh lord, that’s intense.  You need to sit your mom down and tell her to chill out.  Unfortunately, you can’t re-tell the people she has told.  Still, you could arrange a nice dinner or outing with your grandpa to talk to him about it and the same thing for your MOH.

Post # 6
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s a shame that she has done at this but she is probably just really excited for you. Remember, she can go out and buy things and tell people, but at the end of the day you two will get married when you want to and not when she wants you to….she can’t force that part on you!

Post # 7
Member
3645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

It is a shame, but she’s just excited! It’s a huge bragging right to be able to tell people that your daughter is engaged and she must find it hard to keep in the bag. 

Also, did you make it abundantly clear that YOU wanted to tell EVERYONE, YOURSELF? Or did she think that you were just going to tell your own friends, in your own time. Leading her to believe that she could tell “her people” herself?

With this sort of weird, secret, only-some-people-at-a-time, kind of announcement, it’s hard for people to remember who they are allowed to tell and who can’t know yet. Unless you were extremely clear (even writing it down!), I don’t think that you can fault her as to the fact that she has told people. 

It’s possible that she just doesn’t understand why you want to keep it hush-hush and therefore, because she doesn’t understand, she disregarded it. Honestly, I don’t get it. Are you not going to wear a ring? What if people ask, will you lie? Is it just so you don’t get annoying “When’s the wedding?” questions? You could easily answer those with “2016, we want to enjoy a long engagement”.

Sorry OP, I just don’t understand. :/ 

As for the decor, she’s excited, and she probably got a good deal (mothers love to save money). Nip this in the bud NOW. Firmly tell her exactly what you want (show her an inspiration board and a rough guest list with a MAX number) and that YOU will be taking the lead and that YOU will tell HER when you are ready to start planning.

Remember that a lot of our mothers actually didn’t get to plan their own wedding, their mother planned it for them. Our generation wants to plan our own wedding, which leaves our mothers out of ever planning a wedding. Especially given that your mother had a short engagement, this would be the case with her. 

I just think that you need to confront this before it’s too late, but that you also need to do it with some empathy.

Also remember that it will mean so much more asking your grandpa and sister to be in the wedding than when it came out of your mother’s mouth. Nothing can take that away from you. J

Post # 9
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

who is going to be paying for the wedding, if you are jason are paying it yourselves, you have total control and should keep details from your mother.

if your mother is paying, she will have some say, but hope you can come to a compromise.

sit down with your mother and tell her calmly that this is your news and that you are sad that she shared it because you wanted to be the ones to share it with family members when you felt the time was right.

 

Post # 10
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

[Comment moderated for trolling]

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