(Closed) moms at war…VENT!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Wow, that is BS! I agree…I had to kick my Future Sister-In-Law OUT of the wedding party because she was acting like a snot and I just wasn’t going to have her in the wedding when she was talking about hubs behind his back to EVERYONE she could get to listen…Things will get better. All I can say is keep your head up and stand your ground. It might make you feel bitchy, but I say whatever keeps you sane. I had to stand up to my mom when I was on vacation (about the food, and the fact that hubs and I will not be all traditional, I can go into that more in a sec.) and I know it hurt her feelings at the time, but we have talked about it, and she understands and has said she would have said the same thing if she were in my shoes.

I had to tell her to back off because 1. I am already married (backgorund: he’s military and was supposed to deploy but now I still want my big wedding) 2. she has had her wedding and I appreciate her input but I want to feel like I can make my OWN decisions on our wedding.



It will get better

Post # 4
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Don’t let the bs stress you out. It’s taken me five years to learn to have my husband deal with his family. You should tell your fiance why people were cut and it was from both sides (you didn’t specify whether or not your mother cut from the other guest list). Granted, your mother probably should have let your mother in law choose who to cut if people were taken off the list. I’m sure if your fiance explains to his mother that the house is not large enough for x amount of people and each party has to cut x amount of people she’ll understand- but let her choose who is and is not expendable.


  As for the groomzilla comment- it’s silly and not worth it. Have your fiance explain the joke to his mother. Weddings are emotional, it’s the nature of the beast. You’ve handled the situation very well, don’t let the family drama come between you and your fiance. *hugs*

Post # 5
145 posts
Blushing bee

hmmm, thinking logistically… since his mom is the one that insist that those 7 ppl be invited, ask her if she could find another venue to include all the extra ppl and help to pay for the additional cost that would come with the additional guests? Thinkings like that might damper her enthusiasm for a big shower. 

Post # 7
145 posts
Blushing bee

Since you explained it like that, it sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is having an issue of some sort, either with you or something that has occured which she didn’t express and is taking it out by trying to get her say so in. Maybe sit down with her and ask her if there is something that is bothering her about the wedding that you guys can discuss, is that a possibility?

Post # 8
5758 posts
Bee Keeper

Where does everyone live that’s to be invited? Being invited doesn’t necessarily mean they will all come anyway. Are you saying 13 people aren’t being invited altogether? How may ARE on the guest list? If it’s over 50,I certainly don’t know anyone whose house is big enough to hold that many comfortably without being split up in seperate rooms anyway (or unless its outdoors). I have a pretty big house,but with 30 at Christmas its tight!

Showers are supposed to be for close family and friends,not everyone you ever met! Its a shame you’re being involved at all,but I think your Fiance has to talk to his Mom about it and how its making you feel.

Post # 9
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I agree with loveapril: it sounds like something else is going on here.  Maybe she feels left out of the decision making?

Who are these people that HAVE to be invited?  What is your Future Mother-In-Law response to being told that there is no room and that the people throwing the shower can’t afford more guests (I know you said she would not budge, but I’m just wondering what kind of a argument she’s using)?  Knowing that your mom has had to make some tough choices, it seems weird that your Future Mother-In-Law wouldn’t have a better grasp of the situation.

It’s craptacular that they are involving you in this, because it really isn’t your decision to make…it’s not like you are throwing the shower yourself.  

My advice would be to sit down and have a chat with Future Mother-In-Law.  Ask if there’s something else going on.  I would explain that due to the size of the space and monetary concerns, your BMs/mom/aunt have had to limit the guest list and have made some tough choices themselves with regards to invitees.  If she insists, ask her how you are supposed to address the size/monetary concerns as you’ve explained that these are non-negotiable elements.

I’m sorry that I don’t have better advice.  🙁  I feel your pain though…seriously, why is that weddings bring out the crazy in people?



Post # 10
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds to me like you’re talking about 12 people….can’t the shower be scaled back in order to accomodate these people? They’re probably family, which makes it tough to not invite them to the shower, ya know?

Maybe Future Mother-In-Law is upset because she wanted to throw you a shower, too? Or wanted to throw it jointly? My Future Mother-In-Law was all about throwing me a shower. So maybe it’s less about the actual guest list and wanting to be included more.

And I could see how your mom’s comment towards your Fiance would irk his mom….that’s just something you don’t say, even if it’s in good nature. I just wonder what her deal is because I’m only seeing one side of the story and there’s GOT to be a reason why things went from hot to cold so quickly.

Post # 11
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry if I missed this.  But who are these 7 ppl?  Are they close aunts of FI?  I could see a circumstance in which certain ppl need to be invited. But other than that, I would say someone (your mom, MOH) nees to just calmly tell her that this is a low budget shower.  Only X amount of ppl will fit in the house.  If she wants a shower with other family from the groom’s side, she’ll have to throw another shower.

Showers are really for those close to the bride.  I don’t know if many ppl I know would be upset if they didn’t get invited to a shower for the bride of a male relative (they don’t really know).  So that makes me wonder what some other bees have suggested.  Perhaps it’s a passive agressive way of dealing with something she’s angry about.

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