Moms- help a preg. bee out!

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
3119 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

O good heavens I’d say no way and stick to it, hard. I’m only 36 weeks with my first but that sounds like my worst nightmare… For all the reasons you said, but also the fact that I keep hearing that the first several days home with the baby is a really special (stressful,  but special) time for you and your husband. 

Post # 3
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

I’d probably say no tbh. Is your dh taking time off work or will get home at reasonable time to help out in the evenings? You really want that time to bond, get a routine and get used to having a baby around!! No you don’t know what you’re in for but women have been having babies for years! It’s learn as you go 😉

Post # 4
Member
10493 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

MissLunchbox:  Ask her to make plans to stay elsehwhere, and let her know that if you find out you want the extra help, you’ll say so.  It’s easier for her to have plans to stay somewhere and not actually be there than the opposite.

Post # 5
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I would give a resounding HELL NO! As PPs had mentioned, it would be easier for you to ask her to stay over if needed versus having her there as a given. With our first, I assumed I would need the help right away and had asked DH’s mom to stay overnight. When we realized we didn’t need her, she nearly lost her shit. Lesson learned: reaching out for help when/if you realize you need it rather than ahead of time is best when it comes to babies lol. 

Post # 6
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If she is this bad at respecting your boundaries now, imagine how much worse it’s going to get when you’re exhausted, physically recovering and trying to establish your “sea legs” as a new parent. I would make sure DH delivers the “HELL NO!” loud and clear. Visiting for a few hours here and there during the day is one thing, but 24/7? Noooo way. 

Post # 7
Member
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MissLunchbox:  First, you do not need to have in the labor room and you have every right to say no. No one I know had their MIL with them in the labor room, and you do not need to allow her either. At least where I live, she cannot demand entry – the hospital staff only let her in if you and your husband are ok with it. If she wants to be there for the birth, she can wait until after the baby is born and you’ve had a few hours to recover. So I suggest DH calls her when the baby is born, not when you go into labor.

As for when baby’s home: no you will not need help if you have your DH there. You do not need to let her stay with you. Since she is your DH’s mother, it is up to him – not you – to make it clear that she won’t be staying with you.

Post # 9
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

 

MissLunchbox:  I was exhausted so never haha. I was on strong pain meds so I don’t recall the visitors I had. I guess it depends how your birth goes. My now dh is excellent and I know he’d be there to welcome visitors and chat to people, so it wouldn’t bother me. But with my first I just wanted to cry all the time, I felt so over whelmed. 

Post # 10
Member
7206 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MissLunchbox:  I had C-sections, and I had my first visitors the next day. Even then I was very tired and sore and I didn’t really enjoy visitors until the day after that (36+ hours after birth). But the first day was just the parents and my sister so it wasn’t too bad, and I knew they were very keen to come and see us.

Even with my own sister, I didn’t go in as a visitor until the day after the birth. I don’t understand the rush to be there immediately, when the mother s tired and sore, and just wants to be with husband and baby.

Post # 11
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If there is no way that you think you can avoid having her in the delivery room, just don’t tell her when you go into labour! Wait until after you have delivered to let them know. 

And DO NOT have her stay at your house. No way, no how. Be firm, you are an adult and about to be a parent YOU make the rules. 

Post # 12
Member
8593 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

MissLunchbox:  

Ask her to stay at a hotel if you’re more comfortable.

I did have my mother stay with us a week and it was AMAZING.  I cried when she left.  It wasn’t really the help overnight that was so useful, it was the other stuff.  She cooked tons of food for us, cleaned up, took me on errands to Target, went to pick things up for me, help the baby so I could sleep in, etc.  On the other end, I don’t think I’d want my MIL staying for a week either, but I’m just more comfortable with my own mother.

So in that case, I loved having the help.  As far as other visitors that aren’t doing anything besides sitting around holding baby and chatting, I’d probably limit the visit to a few hours tops.  As long as visitors don’t stay too long, I was comfortable with having them the first week.

Post # 13
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Like kes18: my mother came and stayed with us for almost a week after DD was born, and it was amazing. She cooked, she helped with everything, and she also happily took DD downstairs at 4AM if she just wouldn’t sleep and needed to be held, so DH and I could get some rest. I wouldn’t trade that week for anything. HOWEVER, COMMA, that was my own mother. When my milk came in and my boobs were killing me, I sat topless on the couch with ice packs on my chest. When I needed to do my salt butt baths in the bathroom, I sat in there with the door open not giving a damn.

While it is super helpful to have someone around in the week after giving birth, it needs to be someone you’d feel comfortable sitting topless around and soaking your rear end around with the door open. It sounds like your MIL does not fit that description. So I would also suggest that you stick to your guns and ask that she stay somewhere else. I can’t imagine going through those first days at home and feeling in any way uncomfortable with people in my house. No no no!

Post # 14
Member
419 posts
Helper bee

I had my mom stay and that was awesome. But keep in mind I was breastfeeding in front of her (and not covered, because I was just learning and you need to see). I have sitz bath in the bathroom, giant medical pads. No one is ready for ‘company’. So if she’s like a second mother to you and you don’t have boundries go ahead. But doesn’t sound like that is the case. If you know someone that you would be glad to have in that situation- your mom, or a sister or close friend- you should see if they will come up. Because it’s nice to have someone, but it has to be someone you can free-boob it with and feel disgusting around. 

 

 

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