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Can you invite someone else along too? Maybe a close friend or auntie or someone, that way it's not just you trying to make sure everything goes smoothly. I find it's helpful to have another person there too, that way if mom gets well "mom-like" about something you have someone with you to help diffuse/change the subject or just carry along the conversation in a positive.
Also, since you are thinking about going to lunch, you could maybe find a place that doesn't serve alcohol (a cute bakery or tearoom) so you don't have to worry about mom having a drink & possibly offending FMIL.
Yeah my fiance will probably come too...and my mom doesnt drink too much during the day...its not like she has to have a beer! I guess I should have been more clear on some details! MY FMIL doesnt get offended if someone drinks...its just that my mom can be even louder after a few! But I dont think my mom would be drinking at lunch any way...I was just writing a few details that make them different! Its just that their lives are so different but I want them to meet before the shower because there will be more people there and they wont really get a good chance to talk and get to know each other...shouldnt they since their children are marrying each other?! I know they dont have to...but its something I would like!
lavender_pew_bows_2.jpg (60.3 KB, 47 downloads) 1 year old lavender_pew_bows_1.jpg (38.5 KB, 35 downloads) 1 year old 
Is it possible to invite both of your immediate families? It's a lot of pressure if it's just a meeting of the moms but if you add in your siblings, dads, and/or stepdads (assuming they are married), it should be easier.
I really like emilee's idea of dialing down the formality. Would it be possible to have both families over for a barbeque or just a informal Sunday lunch? With more people, a casual feel and less pressure it may feel less stilted and scary!
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I want my mom and FMIL to meet before the bridal shower...but if we go to lunch with them Im not sure what they will have in common to talk about! It makes both of us a little on edge because we know how different they are. Both nice in their own ways...and my FMIL is very accepting of anyone...its just that my mother is a little loud and likes to drink beer, watch the Eagles and get mad when they lose, say things she shouldnt, wear clothes she shouldnt...mom your 52 not 32! Not saying I want her to look like shes 80...but sometimes she doesnt realize her clothes are a little too small or tight...I try to help...but then she gets mad! And my FMIL is quiet, Catholic, peaceful, conservative, classy, and doesnt drink! So what do I do? HELP!
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