Post # 1
My wedding is weeks away, it’s crunch time & I fully expected to be stressed.
I love my mother so much, and consider the two of us to be very close, though we are very different. The past few months have been HELL. There’s little to nothing that she likes about our wedding. I called her out on it and she said that she just felt that she wasn’t really involved… when um, everything from the food to the room to my dress, she’s been there. (We’re paying for our own wedding, my parents did pay for my dress)
There’s a complaint about everything – my dress was too expensive, it’s a bad time of year, the menu isn’t up to par,… she can’t see the venue tonight (she’s been putting this off for months) because she doesn’t have a dress yet (blew me off last week when I had taken time off work to take her).
I can’t take it anymore! In her opinion there is something wrong with everything and nothing is up to her standards –
any words of wisdom?? I’m just trying to get through this.. ugh
Post # 3
My only thought, if she’s not normally like this, is that she’s struggling with unexpected emotional fallout of her daughter getting married. That doesn’t excuse it at ALL, but it might put it in perspective.
I actually just had a chat with my dad about this when I was visiting him for xmas. He was saying that he’d had a lot of worry and anxiety ever since we set a date. I asked him why, since my partner and I have been living together for FIVE YEARS, so it’s not like the marriage is signaling any kind of major change! He acknowledged that it wasn’t rational, but that it symbolized him no longer being “the most important man in my life” (he hadn’t been for some time, but we’ll let that go…) and that this was very hard for him to accept.
To his credit, he hasn’t taken this out on me. But parents can be weird about weddings.
Post # 4
My InLaws did this same thing to us. They even told us our wedding was going to be more of a picnic than a real wedding. Whatever that means… My only real advice is to try to let it go in one ear and out the other. Or resort to telling her “if you don’t have anything nice to say shut up!”
Post # 5
Is your mom usually like this? If not, she probably is having a hard time dealing with you getting married, maybe she doesn’t even realise herself how she’s behaving. She might be suffering from wedding stress herself, some parents see the wedding as the final send off for their kids and it can be a very emotional time.
If you have the kind of relationship where you can be honest with her I’d bring it up, and I’d say that this is a huge project for you and you could really use her support during this stressful time. Ask her to help point out solutions rather than problems.
If that’s not an option I’d try and ignore her, you don’t have long left before the big day.
Post # 6
no, my mom’s not usually like this.. though she can be pretty judgemental and kind of elitist sometimes.. :/ & she’s also not very outgoing or adventurous.. and I think she’s somewhat disappointed that we didn’t ask to have our wedding at their Cape house or in the summer.. it’s just not “us”
I just wish on some level she could be happy for me and show it, and just keep her mouth shut with all the negative comments about everything.
It’s actually on on-going joke with my brother how often she’s said “should be interesting!” in regards to my wedding. It became a drinking game at Christmas and let’s just say I got home pretty tipsy, lol
my mantra has been “it’ll all be over soon, it’ll all be over soon”… lol
Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement – I just discovered weddingbee not too long ago and I can’t tell you how many ways it has helped me:
-From my mother being horrified at that that two of us would see each other before the ceremony – I see all the “First Look” photos and read that some photographers won’t do your wedding if you don’t see each other 😀 (because it’s impossible for us not to see each other before the ceremony, the way we have things set up).
-To the posts about having two different sets of centerpieces
-To the posts about groom/groomsmen shirts, white vs. ivory dress
and so, so much more!
seriously, I cannot thank you all enough!! <3
Post # 7
My mom is the same way! She dislikes everything and I mean everything that I have done this far for the wedding. She has told me every time she has disliked something too. I am really trying here. I think the only thing she agreed on is my dress, which she loves, mostly because she helped pick it out. My mom is disappointed with the ceremony, and I really believe is a control thing. She has taken over the shower, and is driving my bridesmaids nuts!
I had to put it all into perspective. FI was a big help with this! Finally had to just tell mom that WE are doing our wedding our way….and that was that. She doesn’t like it, but hopefully she will start to respect it. FI and I will be a family soon and can’t consult everyone on our choices all the time. We need our independence, and this wedding is just the right event to get the ball rolling!
Post # 8
@rachiecakes: Sounds like your mom may be a bit on the traditional side while you are a bit more open-minded. Some people just have this set-in-stone attitude about what weddings should be and they can’t seem to see beyond that. You can counter her negativity by being relentlessly positive and upbeat about things. I’m sure she will come around and enjoy your day and come to appreciate the way your wedding reflects who you are.